Wrongfully Accused Of Cheating

On the weekend I came home after a massive day/night out with the boys to find a pissed off girlfriend. This is par for the course, some would say.

However, in this particular instance, she was more pissed off than normal and told me to read a message she had put on the fridge. The essence of the message was that she thought I had been cheating on her with hookers and that she was disgusted with me.

Now, I am not a piece of shit (anymore), so I know that I have not cheated on her, hookers or otherwise, but she apparently had evidence sourced from my old phone that I keep in my bar for music, etc. Again, I know for a fact that I did not cheat, so I knew there was no fucking chance she had evidence from the phone.

Here’s the thing, when we first started seeing each other, I kept it light and breezy, no relationship, getting to know each other, having fun, all that jazz. You all know me, I’ve been burned before and I wasn’t about to be burned again.

I kept speaking to other girls and the like, in more than a number of capacities.

Over a couple of months, I saw this girl was different, caring, and I had never laughed as hard with anyone else. At one stage I laughed so hard I fell off the bed, we get along, both smoke weed, blah blah, sappy shit.

So around Christmas/New Years 2017/2018 I stopped doing all the other shit with anyone else. We weren’t exclusive at this point in time, but we were getting along really well and I wanted to give that opportunity. We made it official later on, the 26th of January, but I hadn’t spoken to, texted, or even communicated since before Christmas.

Recently she’d been complaining for about a month that she was dreaming that I was fucking around on her. I dismissed it, because I figured I’d never given her even the remotest reason to think I was like that and that her dreaming of that shit was something she needed to take up with her therapist.

Curiosity got the better of her while I was out with the boys and using the excuse that “I had given her permission” when she recently accused me of watching porn to check my phone, she went through it with a fine tooth comb.

Here’s the thing, the “evidence” was texts, etc from this period before Christmas prior to us being exclusive. Okay, I’ll be straight, I got headjobs from chicks on one or two days that I wasn’t seeing her over that two month period, but I didn’t have sex with anyone. But so fucking what? We weren’t exclusive.

Alright, I’ll extend an olive branch here, if I was fucking, then the fact that I had said that I wasn’t fucking and then had sex with her would put her at heightened risk and I get that, but I wasn’t fucking. And while it is possible to get STIs from receiving headjobs, it is highly unlikely. So I wasn’t entirely truthful, but are you going to be like, “well, I had a blow job on Sunday morning”.

Anyway, she produced these texts as her evidence and I was understandably pissed off. First, she went through my private things. I mean, I gave her my phone’s code out of trust so she could use it to call her phone if needed, or to put music on, whatever. Not to go prying into my past. Second, they simply proved that I had been faithful since we’ve been together.

Now, she has told me about things that her and her ex used to do to her and I get visibly uncomfortable, for a number of reasons. First, it is between them. Second, some of it needs to be discussed with a professional, I’m not the right person for that job. Third, I am not in the business of telling people the ins and outs of my intimate life. Never have been. Unless I’m bragging about what happened last night, of course.

So I laid it all out for her, the chick that put me through court and her being an escort, that she likely cheated on me by getting paid to get fucked, all of it. Pretty much. There’s only so much you can tell someone in an argument.

We’re okay now. The evidence that she was going to use to convict me was absolutely my exoneration.

But I’m in a few minds about the trust thing. On the one hand I’m not a piece of shit, so I don’t care that she has access to my phone/messages, etc in the future. On the other hand I want some privacy. On the third hand I have to think that this type of thing can be the result of a guilty mind. And on the final hand, I have to wonder if this kind of unwarranted jealousy will rise again and fuck me up some other way.

Anyway, I’m bound to get trolled for this, but thought I’d throw it out there.

I’ve been married for twenty-five years. Other than the sock and pantie drawer I don’t know what the myriad of drawers of our numerous bedroom furniture contain. I’m mostly limited to the walk-in closet. Vague idea on some of them. Photos, her family stuff from previous generations, random shit and what else I don’t know and do not care.

Point. Trust is crucial in a healthy relationship. She, your gal, sounds a lot like my ex.

Still, she, my wife accused me of having a night with a couple of lesbians years ago. Daughter of our old next door neighbor and her squeeze. I wish.

[QUOTE=hungryjoe;3026393]I’ve been married for twenty-five years.[/QUOTE]
I am also at 25 years married.

Woo-Hoo!

[QUOTE=Dr. Gonzo;3026394]I am also at 25 years married.

Woo-Hoo![/QUOTE]

I’m hoping for 26.

“she apparently had evidence sourced from my old phone that I keep in my bar for music, etc”

There’s your problem, in a nutshell.

No PIN code??? I thought you were made of sterner stuff.

[QUOTE=battlefields;3026392]On the weekend I came home after a massive day/night out with the boys to find a pissed off girlfriend. This is par for the course, some would say.

However, in this particular instance, she was more pissed off than normal and told me to read a message she had put on the fridge. The essence of the message was that she thought I had been cheating on her with hookers and that she was disgusted with me.

Now, I am not a piece of shit (anymore), so I know that I have not cheated on her, hookers or otherwise, but she apparently had evidence sourced from my old phone that I keep in my bar for music, etc. Again, I know for a fact that I did not cheat, so I knew there was no fucking chance she had evidence from the phone.

Here’s the thing, when we first started seeing each other, I kept it light and breezy, no relationship, getting to know each other, having fun, all that jazz. You all know me, I’ve been burned before and I wasn’t about to be burned again.

I kept speaking to other girls and the like, in more than a number of capacities.

Over a couple of months, I saw this girl was different, caring, and I had never laughed as hard with anyone else. At one stage I laughed so hard I fell off the bed, we get along, both smoke weed, blah blah, sappy shit.

So around Christmas/New Years 2017/2018 I stopped doing all the other shit with anyone else. We weren’t exclusive at this point in time, but we were getting along really well and I wanted to give that opportunity. We made it official later on, the 26th of January, but I hadn’t spoken to, texted, or even communicated since before Christmas.

Recently she’d been complaining for about a month that she was dreaming that I was fucking around on her. I dismissed it, because I figured I’d never given her even the remotest reason to think I was like that and that her dreaming of that shit was something she needed to take up with her therapist.

Curiosity got the better of her while I was out with the boys and using the excuse that “I had given her permission” when she recently accused me of watching porn to check my phone, she went through it with a fine tooth comb.

Here’s the thing, the “evidence” was texts, etc from this period before Christmas prior to us being exclusive. Okay, I’ll be straight, I got headjobs from chicks on one or two days that I wasn’t seeing her over that two month period, but I didn’t have sex with anyone. But so fucking what? We weren’t exclusive.

Alright, I’ll extend an olive branch here, if I was fucking, then the fact that I had said that I wasn’t fucking and then had sex with her would put her at heightened risk and I get that, but I wasn’t fucking. And while it is possible to get STIs from receiving headjobs, it is highly unlikely. So I wasn’t entirely truthful, but are you going to be like, “well, I had a blow job on Sunday morning”.

Anyway, she produced these texts as her evidence and I was understandably pissed off. First, she went through my private things. I mean, I gave her my phone’s code out of trust so she could use it to call her phone if needed, or to put music on, whatever. Not to go prying into my past. Second, they simply proved that I had been faithful since we’ve been together.

Now, she has told me about things that her and her ex used to do to her and I get visibly uncomfortable, for a number of reasons. First, it is between them. Second, some of it needs to be discussed with a professional, I’m not the right person for that job. Third, I am not in the business of telling people the ins and outs of my intimate life. Never have been. Unless I’m bragging about what happened last night, of course.

So I laid it all out for her, the chick that put me through court and her being an escort, that she likely cheated on me by getting paid to get fucked, all of it. Pretty much. There’s only so much you can tell someone in an argument.

We’re okay now. The evidence that she was going to use to convict me was absolutely my exoneration.

But I’m in a few minds about the trust thing. On the one hand I’m not a piece of shit, so I don’t care that she has access to my phone/messages, etc in the future. On the other hand I want some privacy. On the third hand I have to think that this type of thing can be the result of a guilty mind. And on the final hand, I have to wonder if this kind of unwarranted jealousy will rise again and fuck me up some other way.

Anyway, I’m bound to get trolled for this, but thought I’d throw it out there.[/QUOTE]

I have that happen to me 2x.

Before mobile phones, tho.

You are paying the price for her getting burned previously.

See, no trolling…

How old is your girlfriend?

It can’t be nice coming home to a mood like that. This one is between you and your conscience/mind/heart - every relationship has issues but trust about your fidelity is a time bomb.

I hope you both work it out. And seriously, delete history, purge yourself of that stuff - it is drama inducing and not worth it.

I’ve only been married for 16 years. Not old like those old bastards up there ^. Before I met my wife I had a bunch of girlfriends. I was a bouncer at a bar, you know how that goes. But I also had a jealous streak. Mostly due to my own insecurities. Totally my issue. But I dated this girl that I didn’t really like. I just wanted to bang her but knew the relationship would go nowhere. So I didn’t care if she cheated. I actually dared her to do it. Well this chick ended up going the opposite and fell in love and that stuff. I ended up realizing what the freedom of trust actually can give you, by not caring.

It was a good lesson to myself. I ended up learning that you can only control so much. So when I met my wife, I was a totally different person in a relationship. I just gave her the freedom to do what she wants and loved her. I checked myself when jealousy popped up. She never cheated on me. Our relationship is rock solid. But I trust her. I don’t go through her stuff. She doesn’t go through mine. I even have secret naked chick pics on my phone. (they happen to be of her, don’t tell her).

So this is a little to both of you. She needs to get to the place in life that I eventually got to. You just ride the wave till she gets there or you get tired of it. If she’s worth it, you will get there. If she isn’t, you will bail.

Glad I’m not you, having to deal with it. :smiley:

[QUOTE=Diesel_tke;3026435]I even have secret naked chick pics on my phone. (they happen to be of her, don’t tell her). [/QUOTE]

Those are the best. Secretly in love with your wife. Highly recommended.

It’s not cheating if you can prove you didn’t give consent.

Think about it.

Yeah, I am an asshole. Nope, we would be done. I broke up with a couple of GFs because of the cheating accusation. Turned out it was their guilt because some of my random actions mirrored their cheating and they were looking for a way out. I’d ask her what is up and if she is looking for a way out.

Since we’re being open, I’ve been married to a stupid fucking woman for 21 years.

More to the point Battlefields, I’ve found out that when somebody irrationally accuses a person of cheating, they were actually cheating themselves. Not trolling, that’s been my experience.

[QUOTE=Omega Supreme;3026598]Since we’re being open, I’ve been married to a stupid fucking woman for 21 years.

More to the point Battlefields, I’ve found out that when somebody irrationally accuses a person of cheating, they were actually cheating themselves. Not trolling, that’s been my experience.[/QUOTE]
See, here’s anecdote 3 from married old guys.

Here is how we can figure this all out. Give Devil her number. He will let you know if she is cheating or not.

Delete your browsing history every day. That includes past relationships with women on your handset.

Why the hell are you keeping useless copies of stuff you don’t want anybody else to know? Memories?

[QUOTE=Diesel_tke;3026680]Here is how we can figure this all out. Give Devil her number. He will let you know if she is cheating or not.[/QUOTE]

I accept.

[QUOTE=Diesel_tke;3026680]Here is how we can figure this all out. Give Devil her number. He will let you know if she is cheating or not.[/QUOTE]I used to teach a women’s kickboxing class in the morning. One morning I overheard this group of girls gossiping about a new boyfriend. I asked them to fill me in. After hearing the story about her date I looked at her “Oh, he’s cheating on you.”

We got into a friendly argument where I kept telling them they don’t know how to speak guy. The next week she came in and told me I was right. It’s always the same patterns.

[QUOTE=W. Rabbit;3026689]Delete your browsing history every day. That includes past relationships with women on your handset.[/QUOTE]
Yes, please do this and if you are with the wrong woman you are still cheating.

[QUOTE=Omega Supreme;3026598]Since we’re being open, I’ve been married to a stupid fucking woman for 21 years.

More to the point Battlefields, I’ve found out that when somebody irrationally accuses a person of cheating, they were actually cheating themselves. Not trolling, that’s been my experience.[/QUOTE]

Recent divorcee?

[QUOTE=Tranquil Suit;3026896]Recent divorcee?[/QUOTE]
Still married. Funnily enough we only dated for just under 3 weeks when we got married. I was divorced before, yes, she cheated on me. Also funny I got to beat up the guy she cheated on me with because he decided to start a fight with me. Dumbass.