The Most Traumatic Find Of My Life.

My brother has made (and starred in) a porn movie. I found it by mistake. At first, I thought it was just some filth he’d downloaded, but just before I logged off, I recognised those monkey hands… That hairy tummy… The carpet.

Then I heard my brother’s slightly high pitched, nasal voice making sex sounds… And I started screaming.

Anyway, it turns out he filmed it with a camphone and a pliant female friend from Windsor. It’s also a multi-part epic with all sorts of lewdness going on. (I’m not going into details.)

Mind you, I can say he’s got a steady hand and his co-star seems to have a talent for onscreen shagging, but FOR FUCK’S SAKE, it’s my brother in it, who is - along with my father - one of the least attractive men in the world.

Anyway, ‘thanks’ to the film, I’ve caught a glance of my brother’s curiously-shaped knob and the experience has given me nightmares. I told my mother, who is now terrified to leave the house in case my brother makes a sequel. Plus, we will never, ever look at Pot Noodles the same way again. (Don’t ask.)

Bet you bastards can’t beat that!

vid or it didn’t happen

RunningDog wins the thread.

Ok, I think you need a quick lesson on ettiquette here.

Rule One: When you find a porno with your brother on it - YOU SWITCH IT OFF IMMEDIATELY FOR FUCK’S SAKE!

You know far too many details about said film, indicating you have failed to follow Rule One and that is by far the most disturbing thing about this thread.

HA HA!

That’s awesome that this was the first reply. This is also the correct answer.

This should really be nominated for thread of the year. First off…give your bro a high five. Then make sure you ask him when his next flick is gonna be produced and see if you can’t get in it. That is a real case of Bros before Hos.

The way you were describing it, makes me think that you wacthed the whole thing…multible times…

What was the name of the film? “Bro Can’t Hump?”

I starred in a porno with my sister and mother. It’s doing very well on download, it’s called “Family Feast”. Consider yourself beat.

There is also a prequel - he showed me pictures of his mates and him waving their genitals around in a group shower somewhere in Faliraki. And you thought we were all repressed.

Again, ‘vid or it didn’t happen’, and frankly I fucking wish it didn’t.

Tell me about it. It was like watching a cat get run over: I wanted to look away but it was a horrifyingly captivating spectacle. It’s put me off porn. And Pot Noodle.

please explain the pot noodle bit.

I don’t think I’ll co-star, but he’s always entertained notions of being a porn star. He also likes TKD, which means he’s probably a hit with the birds anyway.

One of the files was called ‘Mining For Pot Noodle’. No pot noodle was involved, shall we say, but it certainly put me off.

Runningdog wins half the internet.

Resume builder

Can I ask how you found it? You say it was a mistake but how the hell do you watch porn by mistake?

i think he just looked for porn and stumbled upon it.

sadly… since he found out RIGHT BEFORE turning it off… he probably beat off to it.

these emotional scars are gonna run DEEP.

I wasn’t going to voice that particular suspicion.

Also did you buy it? As far as I know you don’t get whole movies for free…