My brother has made (and starred in) a porn movie. I found it by mistake. At first, I thought it was just some filth he’d downloaded, but just before I logged off, I recognised those monkey hands… That hairy tummy… The carpet.
Then I heard my brother’s slightly high pitched, nasal voice making sex sounds… And I started screaming.
Anyway, it turns out he filmed it with a camphone and a pliant female friend from Windsor. It’s also a multi-part epic with all sorts of lewdness going on. (I’m not going into details.)
Mind you, I can say he’s got a steady hand and his co-star seems to have a talent for onscreen shagging, but FOR FUCK’S SAKE, it’s my brother in it, who is - along with my father - one of the least attractive men in the world.
Anyway, ‘thanks’ to the film, I’ve caught a glance of my brother’s curiously-shaped knob and the experience has given me nightmares. I told my mother, who is now terrified to leave the house in case my brother makes a sequel. Plus, we will never, ever look at Pot Noodles the same way again. (Don’t ask.)
Ok, I think you need a quick lesson on ettiquette here.
Rule One: When you find a porno with your brother on it - YOU SWITCH IT OFF IMMEDIATELY FOR FUCK’S SAKE!
You know far too many details about said film, indicating you have failed to follow Rule One and that is by far the most disturbing thing about this thread.
This should really be nominated for thread of the year. First off…give your bro a high five. Then make sure you ask him when his next flick is gonna be produced and see if you can’t get in it. That is a real case of Bros before Hos.
There is also a prequel - he showed me pictures of his mates and him waving their genitals around in a group shower somewhere in Faliraki. And you thought we were all repressed.
Again, ‘vid or it didn’t happen’, and frankly I fucking wish it didn’t.
Tell me about it. It was like watching a cat get run over: I wanted to look away but it was a horrifyingly captivating spectacle. It’s put me off porn. And Pot Noodle.
I don’t think I’ll co-star, but he’s always entertained notions of being a porn star. He also likes TKD, which means he’s probably a hit with the birds anyway.