Not being with the one you love

so i have just ended the weirdest, saddest, and yet happiest moments of my life. My girl friend of about 9 months and I broke up about a week and a half ago. It was cordial, but one sided, as she broke up with me. We tried to not talk for two weeks, but she called me after two days and we talked for hours. We kept that up, talking like we used to, on occasion me saying how much i missed and still loved her, she would say she loved me to but it wouldnt work, and we would be sad. We finally agreed that we needed to see each other, and that happened today.

It started out with possibly the worlds longest hug, and when we broke it was clear we both wanted to kiss the other, but she said it would be too hard. From that point on we were constantly in physical contact, hugging and cuddling and holding hands, talking about how much we loved and missed the other. However, as you probably gathered from the title, none of this resulting in us being together again. We both had tears in our eyes, but she said she just couldnt do it. I have to at this point say that I know why she can’t. though we are both in college, this is her first long term relationship, and our relationships were complimentary, not compatible, and as such we had the friction that results. I, the serial monogomist, knew that this would be the case, but will admit that it went too far. The night we broke up actually, I had a bad reaction to some steroids I was taking for mono and she was drunk and it just was a scream fest. She is afraid that though we love and miss each other and it will be good for a while, we will fall into this same pattern.

so we spent almost two hours in each others arms, crying and holding each other as tight as we could. We are still going to talk alot and we are still going to see each other in person even though it is hard for us. We both are not ready to date other people, but she wants us too and it probably will happen at some point. Though I am sad that I dont have her as a girl friend, i guess im not so sad because I know that for the most part, im not losing the things that make our relationship special, and we will be great friends in the mean time.

there is really no reason for me to type this, I dont need advice or anything like that. If anything, i just want some of the younger posters to realize that love isn’t necessarily everything, but it is the only thing. If your lucky and find love, but it doesn’t work, dont drive the relationship into the ground. Be smart and let it end, and know that you will hvae a great friend, and hope you dont have to learn to share them anytime soon.

Can I have her number?

i deserve that for posting on bullshido lol.

but no you can’t, and if you get within 10 ft of her your a dead man

This does not belong in L3.

have you seen some of the emo posts here? it has to do with dealing with ladies, just at the end instead of the beginning. Im giving advice for the end, I feel thats valid

That’s why L3 needs a MOD.

There is no EMO in this dojo.

She’s not being fair to you. She’s getting what she wants on her terms and she’s not considering your feelings at all. Not that this is rare or odd, everybody gets chances to be one or the other in this kind of situation, either the one not considering the other’s feelings, or that other who is being used a bit, albeit in a non-malicious way.

My advice, unsolicited though it may be, is to take a month off with no contact with each other. None. Zip. Zilch.

Keep to a month apart and that should be enough time for both of you to figure out what’s going on. Right now the emotional crap you guys just dragged each other through is too deep and fresh for either one of you to get perspective.

This just gave me hives. You two, well mostly you, are torturing yourself and indulging in melodrama of the worst, 90’s pop-music variety.

You know how I know? I been there. Everybody has. It sucks.

If you guys want to take a crack at being friends that’s cool. There’s going to be some trickle over fucking and things like that. Hard to avoid.

For the younger posters? Dude you’re in college, get a grip. Believe this is neither the highest, nor the lowest point to which you will sink in the relationship department. Enjoy the highs and lows, they both make for great stories.

But generally that’s good advice you’re giving. Take it yourself and give you and this lady of yours the clarity you both need. This might not be worth salvaging in the long run, and can cost both of you a lot of time and mental effort trying to maintain something that might be better left at the roadside.

You should try being gay for awhile.

Jesus look at the gut of stuff that popped up while I was typing my reply.

Get on that shit, man. What are you waiting for? I thought you had pull around here?

I don’t wanna wait
For our lives to be over
I want to know right now
What will it be?
I don’t wanna wait
Blablablablablabla
Will it be yes or will it be
Sorry…

Doodoodoodooodoo…

Pushups for Rivingtons pic and his comment

I will tell you one thing OP. 9 months? Seriously? Grow a pair. People are actualy lossing jobs, unable to feed there familys. People are dying in countrys that dont have food or clean water. People get cancer and fight it. People losse limbs and fight on. And your realy gona cry over a 9 month relationship? Bitch please

push-ups

I freely admit that. one thing that i should have made clear that i didnt as this happend about 1hr ago, is that this was the last hurrah for our “relationship”. We hadn’t seen each other since the break up, and honestly we had never been together and not been “together” so I decided that i would try this one time, because I do feel that i should fight for what i believe. But now it is officially over, no more relationship talk, we will both move on as best we feel we can.

But generally that’s good advice you’re giving. Take it yourself and give you and this lady of yours the clarity you both need. This might not be worth salvaging in the long run, and can cost both of you a lot of time and mental effort trying to maintain something that might be better left at the roadside

we are clear on both what we want and what we are doing. But as i stated in another L3 thread, i love having friends that i used to date, for all the reasons described therein. I believe it will be worth it in the long run. In general I agree with you though and have had to break ties with several exs as well.

dont even say that, theres a guy at work that propositions me daily, even when i was dating the girl in question lol.

I think I am about to like Evan…

Careful, there’s some gay flying around here… you could get some on you.

E-VAN’S was a L3-worthy response.

Remember, this is Bullshido. Not Sociocide.

Are you gonna bitch about losing a fight? Are you gonna cry cuz you tapped?

Breaking up sucks. It sucks major.

There are much worse ways to end a relationship. Trust me. Beorn, I hereby order you to go read my training blog. It’s in L3, entitled “DerAuslander’s Training Log”. Search for it. The last 3 or 4 pages will be the most applicable to your problem.

You got hit hard bro & it sucks. I feel you.

Now man up.

Oh…drinks on me should we ever meet at a Throwdown, Beorn.

Christ almighty man you’re like a walking Air Supply song. The reason she’s ditching your dumb ass is because she doesn’t need a girlfriend with a dick. The proper reaction to a girl telling you that she’s breaking up with you is “Dissolve bitch, what’re still standing here for?”. When she calls back you shine her on: “Hey it’s great to hear from you but today’s the day I rearrange my sock drawer”. You bang her best friend, sister, mom or all of the above and press on with pride and motivation. Why is this crap so easy for me and so hard for the emofags on this board?

Hey!

DO NOT! SHIT ON AIR SUPPLY!

Serenading a girl with “Making Love Out of Nothing At All” at the noraebang has gotten me poji on more than one occasion.