Is she testing the waters?

Reviews, Videos, and Everything Else The Finer Things
61

<sarcasm>A woman saying one thing and doing something different? No, it can’t be true.</sarcasm>

She is constantly telling me “we have no future” and to be honest, I have no fucking clue if she is telling this in order to convince herself, me or for what ever other reason. She is telling me she is not going to introduce me to her family as her BF but she invites me over and asks me about having kids.

I know she has troubles with opening up and admitting her feelings and usually I know how to handle this and tell what she is thinking/wants. But not this time, this was such a big back and forth, it confuses me…

This whole bit about the “we have no future” is one huge shit test. Her logic tells her that - her heart / emotion / attraction tells her different - she’s attracted to you, and thinks she’s in love with you.

The design of shit tests is to confuse your brain, try and trick you into acting emo, losing your frame, and thus putting her into control. If she can succeed, then she will no longer be attracted as much to you. This is contradictory behavior, BTW.

The way to handle shit tests is not to get freaked out, don’t allow the confusion to enter your brain (see to you, it’s not that complicated - you like someone or you don’t), and to retain your frame and control. You can run a whole “who is there that can be sure about their future?” line of reasoning. She will definitely come up with a whole other series of shit tests. It is 100% not important WHAT you answer. It is 100% important that you do not allow them to reframe you, that you retain your direction, control, and composure.

Sometimes guys, when chicks are shit testing them, need another guy to bitch slap them.

62

So far she was not doing this stuff (or I didn’t notice) and she knows that I have my limits when it comes to taking shit.
Honestly I think this isn’t a test but rather her not knowing what to do. I told her what she needs to know in order to make up her mind and it is up to her. I will give her some time and if she hasn’t made a decision guess that is also some kind of answer.

63

have you asked her why she’s always talking about having children and then naming them?

64

Yes, I merged all those open ends and stuff that puzzled/bothered me in on big question catalog and said I would like to have some answers, She could take her time… maybe not the most subtle way to do it but I am not known for that.
And you have her answer (that I got so far, still hoping to get some more, guess she is busy with the new job) in front of you (The video).

65

you didn’t notice

and she knows that I have my limits when it comes to taking shit.

this is a completely different type of giving you shit that you aren’t familiar with. it’s not deliberate, and it is very real.

Honestly I think this isn’t a test but rather her not knowing what to do.

There is zero difference. She’s not doing it consciously. This is her coming to grips with her heart/head differences. It is very much a test. It is very much a female mentality thing. It is a test because you will either pass it or fail it.

I told her what she needs to know in order to make up her mind and it is up to her. I will give her some time and if she hasn’t made a decision guess that is also some kind of answer.

Maybe you did - but far more important is how you ACT while doing this. Keep it simple. Stay in control - don’t get led around by it. Calm, cool, collected. You don’t need a “final answer” ultimatum style. If you want to keep seeing her, just say that simply, and that nobody knows their future for certain. Ignore any extraneous stuff.

66

how dense ARE you? did you READ the lyrics?

The Script
The Man Who Can’t Be Moved lyrics

											 												[LEFT]Going back to the corner where I first saw you,

Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I’m not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don’t understand,
I’m not…broke I’m just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I’m still in love with you…

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you’ll come back here to the place that we’d meet,
And you’d see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I’m not moving…
I’m not moving.

Policeman says son you can’t stay here,
I said there’s someone I’m waiting for if it’s a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you’ll come back here to the place that we’d meet,
And you’d see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I’m not moving…
I’m not moving.

I’m not moving…
I’m not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who’s waiting on a girl…
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world…
Hmmmm

and maybe I’ll get famous as man who can’t be moved,
And maybe you won’t mean to but you’ll see me on the news,
And you’ll come running to the corner…
Cos you’ll know it’s just for you

I’m the man who can’t be moved
I’m the man who can’t be moved…

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you’ll come back here to the place that we’d meet,
And you’d see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
[Repeat in background]

So I’m not moving…
I’m not moving.

I’m not moving…
I’m not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I’m not gonna move.[/LEFT]

67

chances are but usually I do, guess it is different when you get passed a certain stage

this is a completely different type of giving you shit that you aren’t familiar with. it’s not deliberate, and it is very real.
Might be, at certain times&points I’m aware of “the game theory” but I tend to not use it/my knowledge about it…

There is zero difference. She’s not doing it consciously. This is her coming to grips with her heart/head differences. It is very much a test. It is very much a female mentality thing. It is a test because you will either pass it or fail it.
as I said, might be, this ain’t about winning or losing for me and it shouldn’t be about tests either but then again a lot of women are like this.

Maybe you did - but far more important is how you ACT while doing this. Keep it simple. Stay in control - don’t get led around by it. Calm, cool, collected. You don’t need a “final answer” ultimatum style. If you want to keep seeing her, just say that simply, and that nobody knows their future for certain. Ignore any extraneous stuff.
Have been doing it since the start, since it is my “philosophy” to see what comes and I know from the past that you can’t imagine the stuff that will get thrown at you by life.

Only reason this thread is and all here is up, I usually go on body language/intuition but it is not that easy to do when you are in a different environment, her moving and all that stuff. And then there is the fact that she is not “one character” but depending on the situation she has “shades” of her main character.

68

f4n4n, don’t give her more escape routes. you’re enabling her tip toeing and her indirectness.

and chingythingy… he should be more confrontational about it. this IS the time to issue an ultimatum, because in order for people to stay in a relationship, they have to know what the other person wants and stay or leave based on whether or not they can deliver.

if f4n4n and her want different things, then they’re both wasting their times and should move on. if she’s worried about scaring him off and refuses to tell him about it, then she’s leading him on. i say take the offensive position.

69

You’re probably cool with how you handled this. The tests / shades of character / inconsistency is just how attraction works - it’s not a “game theory” to score or whatever. Although I suppose those guys have elements of truth going on.

It’s also not some women will behave in this fashion because they are cheesier / less quality / whatever. All women decide with their heart / feeling and their decision process is figuring out how they feel.

I’m just pointing it out because from outside it looks obvious, but from inside I’m sure it’s a lot more murky.

70

fes,

your avatar delivers.

do you still test your husband? be honest.

f4n4l is probably cool - he was honest and held his ground, and she’ll sort out her feelings and things will go from there. the heart can lead past many seemingly insurmountable obstacles, and opposites in a relationship can be a whole lot stronger than eHarmony bullshit robots.

71

we’ve been together too long and respect each other too much to play stupid games like this.

plus, it’s not my forte.

i’m too practical and predictable at this point.

f4n4l is probably cool - he was honest and held his ground, and she’ll sort out her feelings and things will go from there. the heart can lead past many seemingly insurmountable obstacles, and opposites in a relationship can be a whole lot stronger than eHarmony bullshit robots.
on top of it, he’s young. he doesn’t have to take our advice now… but later down the line, he’ll eventually realize that you and i are both right.

72

I love how you sold that…

73

Just remember weird numbers name.

YouTube - Boys Dont Cry : The Cure

74

…but by then he will already have knocked her up, or made some committment or let his feelings get in the way of all of your eloquant and reasoned explainations.

She is not testing the waters, she is walking on them, and you are woefully unable to see this clearly, because she is stirring up and pissing in the waters to get you all confused, and you are drinking that murky KoolAid, because you want to…or at least you think you do, or because she says you won’t get any, and you are a man and thirst…

Never mind this derail…I forgot this was about Alan, and shouldn’t personalize it…

75

This thread is a source of knowledge and joy, the videos you post are just gold and I like those witty remarks with the little pieces of painful experience.

Be assured I am having a good time by this here… and in return I will write up some stuff when I am over in Brazil as a thank you and post it here.

76

Okay either she is reading this thread (highly doubt it) or this is the weirdest coincidence in a long time…

She wrote she is busy with the new job and all and this song covers it for “today”…

YouTube - Boys Dont Cry : The Cure

:eusa_clap
I am honestly amused and laughing, if it keeps going like this it will be fun, sort of like a audio/video scavenger hunt. That sooo fits her.

77

you should totally fuck with her and post this one on your site.

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

it would be SO LOLtastically misunderstood.

78

While I am fucked in the head big time and like to play games, I am not intentionally crule to anybody and not to her at all.
Anyway, her blog realy turns into this scavenger hunt, all those tiny little pieces, her replies to the comments of the video from yesterday. Some dude “the world is too big of a place to keep waiting for someone” she goes “the Love from NYC showed me, there is always a moment or a person in life that gives you hope”… I don’t know if it is cute or something else, but I guess it is her way.

79

she’s SO in love with you.

80

I think she is a bit infatuated with you since you are the guy she really likes, or maybe even loves, and she won’t see you for a long time.

You are basically the one that is getting away but not the one that got away yet.

Enjoy it.

Either that or show up at her front door with two camellias, and this song

YouTube - The Cure - Lovesong