As some of you may know, I was on a little trip across Europe to see a girl again before I head off to Brazil and the US (maybe for good).
And though we both know that we might not see each other again (and if we do, not soon) she had me meet her family while I was there.
The strange thing is, she did introduce me as “a friend” not her BF (which was completely cool with me, don’t want to get into any BS while I’m there) on the other hand she repeatedly told me that her mom is constantly asking her if she has a BF and to introduce him.
So was she testing the reaction of her family (she even had her brothers over, from a different part of the country) or was this just one of the weirdest coincident (Xmas is over already)?
And NO, there won’t be any pictures of her, jerk off to your own material.
I dunno about testing the waters. In my experience, Latin Americans are both big on family and checking up on what their daughters are up to. I find it highly likely that even genuine friends with no romantic strings would be subject to the familial once-over, especially from brothers.
But if you like her, then for your sake I hope I’m wrong.
You aren’t boyfriend material, you are friend material. She doesn’t view you as a boyfriend and if she introduced you to her family as such she would be creating all sorts of drama for herself and all sorts of expectations upon you.
As her friend, she is confiding in you, as friends do. Don’t read too much into it.
As her boyfriend, her family might feel the allowance of having a say in your life…such as “Why is your boyfriend traveling to Brazil? What is he doing there? Doesn’t he care about you? Doesn’t he have a job? How is he going to support you?”
As for the subject of moving to America…much the same. “No daughter of mine is going to be moving to America! Why can’t he just stay here, get married and you two can live here and he can work on the farmin the family store…etc”
Be happy you are the friend right now and don’t have someone else’s feeling to take into consideration for your life’s choices and wish her well on her search for a boyfriend and let her know you would like to meet him someday.
Snake, you do know that I know her from back in the US and she is a little traveler too. On the other hand, she just started a job in a big city, as head of the design and communication department for a big company. While I am traveling the globe learning MA and doing god knows what. We are both sooo not on the same page in life.
And the thing is, we are “not serious about this” at least that is what we agreed on, that was why I was asking
OK, how’s this:
if she WOULD have called you her boyfriend to her parents, THEN I would say she is “testing the waters” with you to see how you responded.
I completely agree. The other way around would have been testing the waters - the way things presented themselves sounds like normal friend material to me.
Not where parents are concerned. Introducing someone to your parents as your SO before you’ve explicitly had that talk with said SO can be a seriously social faux paux
I’ve had the opposite experience. If the parents know you as the BF, you’re good. If they know you as a friend, then you’re only that. But it’s all good.
While dating my wife, I drove her home from SF so she could visit her parents. I was introduced as her “friend”, as she hadn’t told them about me. I was fine with this and her dad seemed to like me.
He liked me even more when I told her we had to wait until after we watched the Frank Bruno vs. Mike Tyson fight on his pirated sat. box. He and I had a nice talk about boxing and how he, as a 28 yr. career military man, did some boxing while in the Army. I asked him to show me a couple of things and we got along great.
We left and she told me that she talked to her parents on the phone the next day and her dad told her: “you need to start dating him or guys like him and not all those faggots you usually date.”
Just one thing C4t5 - have you had any other indications that she might be interested in you in that way? Serious ones, like a kiss or a grope?
I only ask because, it seems a bit odd that she’d be parading you in front of her family as a prospective partner while keeping it quiet from you. It’s a bit formal isn’t it? Surely you would’ve had some more conventional clues than tea with ma and pa?
Or you are perhaps courting a young lady from the Victorian era?
When you’re younger you tend to look at this shit from an “am I in there” perspective. You’ve probably never had the experience where someone you AREN’T that into takes you home to mom and dad and too much is read into it yet.
@glf
I have been with her for a couple of weeks in NYC and there was way more then kissing, if you know what I mean.
As far as we “officially” agreed, we have fun as long as it lasts and take it from there. She was the one wanting to see me before I head of to Brazil and inviting me over.
There were a few other pointers in our discussions that made me feel she was “testing” me. (Namely asking me about my opinion of having kids with her and then going on about names, I don’t know about you but for me that is a serious step. We also talked about our future plans and all that stuff…)
While I doubt that she would be the type (fucking goal getter, two degrees, new job in a big European city etc.), I handle the protection…
The question didn’t freak me out, but the thought of me being a parent, fuck that actually troubled me, I am in no way shaped to be a parent.
Well, so far I am with you, but there is what she does and what she is saying (for most of the time) and those two can’t be more different.
She is constantly telling me “we have no future” and to be honest, I have no fucking clue if she is telling this in order to convince herself, me or for what ever other reason. She is telling me she is not going to introduce me to her family as her BF but she invites me over and asks me about having kids.
I know she has troubles with opening up and admitting her feelings and usually I know how to handle this and tell what she is thinking/wants. But not this time, this was such a big back and forth, it confuses me…