Der, ninjew, and Phrost have all gotten this through e-mail, recorded here for posterity
And here’s a chat log I threw up the day after, it occurs to me I got carried away near the end and said I got to roll with all 3 of the BBs there, I rolled with Plasma and one other, plasma rolled with the same one I did and the scrawny black guy, the older gent wearing the “grandmasterheadoffamilysokeshipcouncilblahblahblah” jacket was not inclined to play- so yes, I’m a horrible fibber. But all the same I slaughtered the one I rolled with and Bryan did for both of them and the thing is I can cleave through Bryan rather conssistantly.
Tenshi Risu (4:11:01 PM): oh, if you ever get invited to attend a Gong Kwon Yu Sul - sold to me as “Korean Jujitsu”- seminar and they’re not offering it free, don’t waste your fucking money
Tenshi Risu (4:11:50 PM): jesus h christ
Tenshi Risu (4:11:57 PM): $45 I’m never getting back
Tenshi Risu (4:11:59 PM): bastards
Tenshi Risu (4:12:44 PM): business oriented, pretentious, chip-on-their-shoulder bastards
Majin Vern (4:13:02 PM): hahahaha
Majin Vern (4:13:04 PM): you own them?
Tenshi Risu (4:14:07 PM): I didn’t get a chance to, they weren’t there to spar- they were there to give us their fucking sales pitch, but considering what I saw, and then found out, sparring with them would’ve been an exercise is brutal humiliation and pain (note, I wore my white belt)
Majin Vern (4:14:18 PM): hehehehe
Majin Vern (4:14:31 PM): yesterday was another mma-style day
Majin Vern (4:14:36 PM): well, shouldn’t say that
Majin Vern (4:14:45 PM): no-gi grappling day would be more appropriate
Tenshi Risu (4:15:07 PM): it was me, derauslander, plasma, and 3 TKD/karate black belts and it was lead by two Korean “masters” in their spiffy gi’s
Majin Vern (4:15:16 PM): wow
Majin Vern (4:15:27 PM): will there be a BS report on it?
Majin Vern (4:15:32 PM): OH
Majin Vern (4:15:56 PM): and since you’re my insider source… what’s this in the newsletter about there being something in the works to “make it even easier for them to fight bullshido?”
Tenshi Risu (4:16:09 PM): So before we go in me and plasma are like “well, we expect one of three things: bad judo, bad bjj, or bad hapkido/aikido” and what we got was truly, utterly, without remorse craptacular kyokushin+judo+hapkido sillyness
Majin Vern (4:16:30 PM): nice
Tenshi Risu (4:16:28 PM): newsletter?
Majin Vern (4:16:37 PM): yeah
Tenshi Risu (4:16:35 PM): I don’t read no stinking newsletter
Tenshi Risu (4:16:41 PM): wait, eriously, there’s a newsletter?
Majin Vern (4:16:51 PM): lemme forward it to you
Tenshi Risu (4:17:03 PM): there’s so much shit going on that I don’t even know about, it’s amazing
Tenshi Risu (4:17:20 PM): right, so let me keep ranting about this waste of my precious fucking money
Majin Vern (4:17:38 PM): chris.oconnoriv@gmail?
Tenshi Risu (4:17:51 PM): or dai@bullshido.com
Majin Vern (4:18:11 PM): ok, sent it along to you
Tenshi Risu (4:18:27 PM): “making it even easier” hmmm, might be talking about bullshido.org and the new martial-wiki we’re building
Majin Vern (4:18:38 PM): oh?
Majin Vern (4:18:42 PM): martial-wiki?
Tenshi Risu (4:18:39 PM): www.bullshido.org
Majin Vern (4:19:32 PM): ooh, sexy reference
Majin Vern (4:19:36 PM): well, not really sexy
Majin Vern (4:19:40 PM): but i like the idea behind it
Tenshi Risu (4:19:40 PM): yeah, it’s still purdy oogly
Majin Vern (4:19:45 PM): the navigation looks like shit
Tenshi Risu (4:21:27 PM): right, so I’m gonna keep ranting
Majin Vern (4:22:26 PM): ok, sorry for teh tangent
Tenshi Risu (4:23:08 PM): right, well I gave them my $45, these two Korean guys, neither of which could be over 30 and one of whom was certainly younger than me get up to give us the history of their style and its founder, sure a little introduction seems like just the way to start a seminar for something I’ve never heard of before
Tenshi Risu (4:23:14 PM): great start, woopy
Majin Vern (4:23:34 PM): hehe
Majin Vern (4:23:43 PM): the “why our art is valid” justification?
Tenshi Risu (4:23:54 PM): the thing is I paid for a 2 hour seminar, I gave them $45 for it, that’s $22.50 per hour- that’s exactly what they were trying to get across
Tenshi Risu (4:24:45 PM): the three black belt clad dweebs- old white guy with a mullet, scrawny bald black guy, and large very ernest and very young white guy- that sat beside us were eating this shit up
Majin Vern (4:24:58 PM): hehehe
Tenshi Risu (4:25:01 PM): they sat in like perfect attention all stiff backed and bowed at like everything
Majin Vern (4:26:02 PM): how… proper of them
Tenshi Risu (4:26:05 PM): to give you an idea, before the seminar started, plasma, der, and I warmed up by some free sparring- the 3 black belts taking the seminar warmed up by doing forms and seeing which one of them could get the most degree of rotation on his spin kicks
Tenshi Risu (4:27:11 PM): so, where was I? ah yes, well the two masters are giving their spiel and I note that it’s taking quite some time, but then they finally get down to it and say “alright we’re going to show you some of our techniques” Surel,y I thought, now I can stand back up and work out and see if there’s anything here to learn
Tenshi Risu (4:27:13 PM): No
Majin Vern (4:28:34 PM): hahahaha
Tenshi Risu (4:28:36 PM): for 40 minutes I watched these two do compliant “sparring”- it was little more than 1-step sparring- first to demonstrate their “new” take on striking COUGHmuaythaiHACKkyokushinCOUGH
Tenshi Risu (4:29:16 PM): then their take downs and throws- oh god these were so bad when I saw them but in all honesty they were a pale foreshadowing of the travesty that was their groundwork
Majin Vern (4:30:27 PM): you shoudl have taped it
Tenshi Risu (4:30:34 PM): so they would exchange some sloppy ass leg kicks and punches to the body, then one of them would grab an outstretched arm and go for the hip throw, I literally had to bite my lip to keep from making a noise when the guy being “thrown” rather obviously jumped for his partner and made a big show of flying over
Tenshi Risu (4:30:44 PM): I had my camera, I wanted to, but they were like “no”
Majin Vern (4:30:56 PM): ouch
Tenshi Risu (4:33:13 PM): and then they demonstrated for me their double leg take down- it was pure “meh” at first. Obviously someone’s learning, but it was nothing unique, and what’s more it was done against someone who dramatically fell over for his partner, and as time is dragging on and these two just keep showing us more crap, the younger one in the black gi would like pause to “teach” how to do these things- of course we weren’t actally supposed to get up and try these things, and what’s worse is this guy ‘s idea of teaching a double leg was “ok, when his punch comes in, I uh, just lower myself like this and sort of step through and past his leg, grab his legs and knock him over” and that was the extent of his sharing the knowledge there
Tenshi Risu (4:33:49 PM): but then he demonstrated the double leg again, only this time he picks the guy up and like spins him around his fucking head to dump him on his back, again it was painfully obvious to me that the throwee was being rather helpful
Majin Vern (4:34:06 PM): akin to pro wrestling?
Tenshi Risu (4:34:09 PM): before I get onto the shittastic crappling I’ll just finish out the TDs
Tenshi Risu (4:34:10 PM): yes
Majin Vern (4:34:25 PM): ok
Tenshi Risu (4:36:52 PM): they showed horridly loose drag down arm bar- I think they wanted to do a flying armbar but just couldn’t- a few more crappy shoulder tosses, osotogari (school yard trip), the most horrid idea for a rollout kneebar ever- he seriously closed in like he was going for the hip throw, kept one hand on his opponents lapel, and then rolled forward grabbing the leg with one hand- no one with a leg muscle and an ounce of sense should fall for that shit
Majin Vern (4:38:19 PM): sounds like an opponent for me
Tenshi Risu (4:38:18 PM): and then the coupe de grace: he shoots in, clinches to the body, gets around to the back, so he’s got the guy belly-to-back all set for a suplex or simple drag down or lateral drop or even just a fucking choke, but what does he do? Something that makes sense? No, he sticks one leg through his opponents two legs, falls down and slides around his leg and goes for the straight ankle lock
Majin Vern (4:38:38 PM): bwahahaha
Tenshi Risu (4:38:52 PM): he has the back, and his briliant technique is to spin around the guy and go for a sloppy ass ankle lock
Tenshi Risu (4:39:08 PM): right, so that should givve you an idea of how bad their groundwork is
Tenshi Risu (4:39:27 PM): I’ll ahve nightmares for weeks- I would’ve last night if I hadn’t been drunk
Majin Vern (4:40:07 PM): hehehehe
Tenshi Risu (4:41:03 PM): so, off of their shitty double leg, the guy gets to mount and explains to those of us who didn’t know why the mount is a good position- they of course called it something Korean- but the thing is this dork in black has like half a foot of space between his hips and the guy he’s mounted on, he’s got his hips up in the air, pure n00b shit (hint hint)
Tenshi Risu (4:42:07 PM): they show two guard passes, one of which is a blatant invitation to a triangle, the other is absurdly counter-productive and conssists of like 9 steps of which a capable person should only need the first 3
Tenshi Risu (4:42:42 PM): oh, forgot one of their take downs- uke throws a kick, tori catches, trips him… and then goes for the god damn Boston Crab
Tenshi Risu (4:42:50 PM): anyways, back to the ground work
Tenshi Risu (4:43:38 PM): these guys were showed at least two subs that pretty much completely surrender your back to your opponent and are not likely to work
Majin Vern (4:44:11 PM): man i hate that grappling is so pop culture now
Tenshi Risu (4:44:30 PM): get this, tori opens uke’s guard, tore pins one leg to the mat with his opposite knee, tori then TURNS AWAY from uke , grabs the foot with both hands and pulls it up to torque against the knee
Majin Vern (4:44:41 PM): well, maybe i don’t… knowing i’m learning the real deal while the frat boys arelearning shit will set me apart in the fight if it ever happens
Tenshi Risu (4:47:17 PM): then, these idiots show a simple kimura/shoulderlock/paintbrush/hammerlock- you know what I’m saying- from side control… only in their version, tore has side control over uke’s right side, so naturally tore should try to keylock the right arm… he locks the close arm, and turns belly up so that his back and shoulders are resting on uke’s chest/stomach- I saw that and I had to cough becaue, well I had to express something and if it wasn’t a cough it would be a laugh or an exasperated sigh
Majin Vern (4:47:48 PM): hahahaha
Majin Vern (4:47:52 PM): that’s awesome
Tenshi Risu (4:49:14 PM): they were basically saying “look at us, isn’t this cool”- oh, and the way these idiots tapped out, they don’t calmly tap their opponent to signal submission, they fucking spaz out and kiai tapping the mat with any free hand or foot, causes I guess it just looks mroe dramatic that way
Majin Vern (4:49:32 PM): …wow
Majin Vern (4:49:37 PM): you should have said something to them
Tenshi Risu (4:51:08 PM): Der is the one that asked us to come, he knew the owner of the school who was his instructor in TKD and is the father of the “master” in black who was hosting the seminar. When these dorks finally called a break after their hour of putting on a bad show I turned to Der and he looke d at me and was like “dude, I am so sorry, let me go talk with his dad about this”
Majin Vern (4:51:49 PM): wow
Majin Vern (4:51:52 PM): how did that play out
Tenshi Risu (4:52:09 PM): so Der goes over there, the old man in the corner in his buisness suit calls his son and the other “master” over they talk for about ten mintues in which time I just roll free with Plasma while the 3 black belt students there try out the myriad of craptacular techniques they’d just been taught
Tenshi Risu (4:54:50 PM): I mean, the shitty techniques didn’t even come into it- the old man told his son that this is not how he should be running a seminar, peopple paid money expecting to get instruction, to do something in that two hours, not be given a bad show- we weren’t gonna get a refund cause the little liabiliy waiver we’d signed was all “no refunds under any circumstances” but they just gave us the DVDs they were planning on selling, which was still kind of arip off causes it’s all ini Korean, there’s lots of video of like competitions for this org in Korea that really arent that bad it’s like kyokushin and judo, but then that brings us to why this demo was so tragically bad
Tenshi Risu (4:55:39 PM): the owner’s son, the young man in the black gi, who was grappling in glasses untill they finally fell off, has only been doing this Gong Kwon Yu Sul style for like 3 months
Tenshi Risu (4:55:47 PM): and before that he was straight up Olympic TKD
Majin Vern (4:56:01 PM): oh wow
Tenshi Risu (4:56:33 PM): this was a god damn sales pitch, those 3 other black belts that were there taught at their own schools and were being asked to join this organization to their schools
Tenshi Risu (4:57:32 PM): so anyways, after the talk the two masters finally start to “teach” us some stuff, they go over their stance and basic striking, exactly what I figured it was kyokushin+MT we paired off and did some drilling
Tenshi Risu (4:57:56 PM): my partner, Cody, was like 6’ 250lbs, and probably all of like 20
Tenshi Risu (5:00:14 PM): when the two masters demonstrated shin-check the leg kick, jab cross (to the body), head kick they showed how in GKYS you’re supposed to block, use both hands, bring your same side hand up and back it up with the off hand, really basic crap that’s honestly a bad way to block because it occupies both of your hands, risks breaking your handsd, doesn’t take into account people who kick harder than, oh say, them
Tenshi Risu (5:01:00 PM): anyways, when I block Cody’s big head kick I’m moving in as I should using both hands the way they want me to but also taking the kick on as much of the arm/shoulder as I can
Tenshi Risu (5:01:54 PM): so it’s my turn to throw the head kick and Cody has his hands up and away from his face with his fingers fucking splayed out, I’m not throwing these kicks hard but they’re still passing right through his block and he’s like shrinking away from the kick with his chin in the air
Majin Vern (5:02:19 PM): heh
Tenshi Risu (5:03:19 PM): when it came time to do some of their grappling
Tenshi Risu (5:03:21 PM): oh god
Tenshi Risu (5:03:38 PM): it was like I was Captain America in the Special Olympics
Majin Vern (5:04:49 PM): hahahahahaha
Tenshi Risu (5:04:57 PM): they taught a shoulder lock take down- you know like a standing key lock- but when you follow it down you position as you would for an arm bar and apply pressure to… the… wrist
Majin Vern (5:05:30 PM): ok you know it’s bad when I can criticize it
Tenshi Risu (5:05:28 PM): they took a legitimate shoulder lock worth learning and butchred it into a little wrist lock that they couldn’t even get on me
Tenshi Risu (5:05:43 PM): dude, you could’ve eaten everyone in this room and used their bones for tooth picks
Tenshi Risu (5:06:41 PM): I finally got fed up with just sitting there while Cody tried to make it work the way they taught and just quietly said “do it this way”
Tenshi Risu (5:06:47 PM): and sure enough he did, and it worked
Majin Vern (5:06:52 PM): hehehe
Tenshi Risu (5:08:04 PM): then, then they showed us their straight ankle lock from standing rear clinch, yeah, so this kid Cody who has never shot a takedown or done a leg lock in his life is asked by these “masters” to shoot in on me, move to my back, drop, snake my leg to sweep me and pull off a really lame straight ankle lock
Majin Vern (5:08:37 PM): haha
Tenshi Risu (5:08:33 PM): I literally just stoud there for like two minutes while he tried to figure out how to move around my body
Tenshi Risu (5:09:20 PM): and when it came time for him to slap on the leg lock, the instructor came over and was all “let me help you” and was walking him through it, and I just laid back, put my hands behind my head and looked really bored while they frantically tried to figure out why I wasn’t tapping
Tenshi Risu (5:09:55 PM): I finally got fed up with the bad advice and just sat up and moved everything into the corect place for him and told him how to move, and sure enough it worked
Majin Vern (5:10:25 PM): wow
Majin Vern (5:10:32 PM): you should have told these guys how full of shit they were
Tenshi Risu (5:10:47 PM): and this kid was like bowing and thanking me every time I gave any advice- which is nice and all for a little bit, but it was really ind of annoying, I mean I was friendly with him and all, but yeesh
Tenshi Risu (5:10:53 PM): I really should have
Tenshi Risu (5:11:01 PM): I feel kind of spineless for not having done so
Majin Vern (5:11:15 PM): allowing the crap instruction to take place
Tenshi Risu (5:11:33 PM): It wass bad
Tenshi Risu (5:12:47 PM): and when the seminar finally ended I was like “so who wants to roll” the two who hosted the seminar just kind of shuffled away and the three black belts that had just taken the seminar were all tapped in 20 seconds or less, literally. I only did it fast the first time though, after it was abundantly clear to me I eased up and let them try the things they’d been learning, and gave lots of advice
Majin Vern (5:13:23 PM): wow
Tenshi Risu (5:13:44 PM): it was an “interesting” experience
Tenshi Risu (5:14:32 PM): and I think I’m going to have to have more of a talk with Der and see if there isn’t something that can be done about this
Majin Vern (5:15:27 PM): wow
Tenshi Risu (5:16:00 PM): apparently what’s happening is the Koreans have finally realized that they’re losing a ton of adult business because people are finally beginning to realize that just because they as an untrained knob would get tooled by the “master” doesn’t really mean that what master’s got is the best thing on the block
Tenshi Risu (5:16:25 PM): oh and at the end they asked if anyone had any questions, I did ask a few to which I got truly bad answers
Majin Vern (5:17:10 PM): ha
Tenshi Risu (5:18:22 PM): “So, what is the grappling element based off of” “oh uh, grand master so-and-such developed GKYS after he realized people needed a new-” “no, what style was the grappling based off of, judo? yudo (Korean judo)?” “Oh, yes, grandmaster so-and-such based it on many eastern asian martial arts like judo and hapkido and tae kwon do”, I think plasma actually smacked his forehead at that
Majin Vern (5:18:51 PM): this dude had no clue?
Tenshi Risu (5:19:20 PM): then “Do GKYS students compete in MMA” “Uh… what?” “MMA, you know, pride, ufc, K-1 Heros, king of the cage” kid in black gi confers in Korean with his fellow master and then was like “uh yes, any other questions”
Tenshi Risu (5:19:36 PM): I should’ve pressed the matter
Majin Vern (5:20:13 PM): hahahaha
Tenshi Risu (5:20:52 PM): I think it was clear to them that the three of us from BS were not pleased with our purchase
Tenshi Risu (5:22:26 PM): plasma couldn’t stop whipsering to me and Der things like “are you fucking kidding me” and “I knew it, shitty judo”, I was a little more reserved than him, hell I was even more reserved than Der who is a fucking Buddhist monk and friends with these people
Tenshi Risu (5:25:56 PM): so, an interesting experience
Majin Vern (5:26:05 PM): hehehe
Majin Vern (5:26:20 PM): you may want to express your concerns to the hosts via email, like with coda
Tenshi Risu (5:26:43 PM): mmm
Tenshi Risu (5:26:45 PM): I may
Tenshi Risu (5:29:04 PM): like I said, I’ll talk to Der about it, he’s connected to them, he was as upset as I was, we can hammer out a list of problems (like people with 3 months exp running a seminar and chargin ME money for it) and have him e-mail it or even meet with the owner in person
Tenshi Risu (5:29:13 PM): if they meet in person I wouldn’t mind being there
Majin Vern (5:29:23 PM): ask for a refund
Tenshi Risu (5:30:24 PM): oh, and I ate silk worm larvae yesterday
Majin Vern (5:30:45 PM): eww
Majin Vern (5:30:51 PM): how klingon of you
Tenshi Risu (5:30:51 PM): Der wanted to make up for the seminar so who took us to the best Korean sushi joint he knew and ordered tons of stuff
Majin Vern (5:31:03 PM): awww nice
Tenshi Risu (5:31:02 PM): they were like fried and tasted like fucking dirt
Majin Vern (5:31:13 PM): ha
Majin Vern (5:31:19 PM): you had a good day, huh
Tenshi Risu (5:31:26 PM): the waitress that brought them out was like “you didn’t actually order this did you?”
Tenshi Risu (5:31:31 PM): it was alright
Tenshi Risu (5:32:29 PM): but then- after TMNT- we went to a Korean bar at Der’s prompting and while the conversation was great some of the “drama” that errupted with wanna be gangster yuppy kids glaring at the white boys and wanting to pick a fight was kind of annoying
Tenshi Risu (5:32:43 PM): honestly I think next time we go out I’m putting my foot down and just saying “no Korean shit”
Majin Vern (5:32:52 PM): wanna be gangster yuppy kids glaring at white boys?
Tenshi Risu (5:32:52 PM): yes
Majin Vern (5:33:12 PM): korean wannabes, i’m guessing
Tenshi Risu (5:33:19 PM): no, they were Korean
Majin Vern (5:33:28 PM): right
Tenshi Risu (5:33:23 PM): we were the only white people in the bar
Majin Vern (5:33:33 PM): lemme rephrase
Tenshi Risu (5:33:32 PM): oh, right, you got it
Majin Vern (5:33:41 PM): the “wannabes” were korean
Majin Vern (5:33:49 PM): (jonas wasn’t among them, was he?)
Tenshi Risu (5:35:59 PM): anywho, yeah so these pencil necked dweebs in Fubu gear wanted to pick a fight with the 5 white boys in the room: a 200lbs marine just back from Iraq, an assistant instructor to a bujitsu dojo who is a walking concealed carry violation waiting to happen (actually he’s got his permit, still kinda crazy wapon collection), a Buddhist monk who teachs MA at the temple, me, and… a pasty 30 year old english teacher who does wing chun- BUT FOR THE MOST PART, we were not to be fucked with, thank you very much
Tenshi Risu (5:36:11 PM): no, but Jonas would’ve been on cloud nine yesterday
Majin Vern (5:36:24 PM): hahahaha
Tenshi Risu (5:36:25 PM): Korean martial arts, korean food, korean booze, korean bar, korean punks