What is it to be Male?

Reviews, Videos, and Everything Else The Finer Things
1

I’m not sure how it happened, but I ended up with a subscription to Esquire magazine. I think my wife bought it off some kind of fundraiser for my kid’s school, or for recovering crackheads, or whatever.

As I was leafing through it, the realization hit me in the face like a Bukow knee; these motherfuckers at Esquire (or FHM, Maxim, GQ, take your pick), with every ‘cute’ little factoid, every three page celebrity photo spread, every meticulously-unkempt asshole in an un-cinched necktie, are trying to tell us how Men are supposed to be.


Suit jackets: manhood

And that pisses me off. And what pisses me off, tends to become a point of discussion on Bullshido.

Let’s start by posting an informal notice: it’s been suggested that Liquor Loot and Ladies be merged into another section because it’s not as applicable to the site now as it might have been before we had an off-topic section.

Additionally, there have been some grumbles about how LLL is misogynistic or inordinately male-centric. But while the former argument for turning this into a digital parking lot may have merit, I don’t think the latter does, at least, not so much.

When we started this section, it was as a slight nod at that innate need in the male psyche, upon having conquered, to enjoy the spoils of conquest. Bullshido’s discussion largely revolves around fighting – its members, combative personalities who love conflict so much they engage in it grammatically when they cannot do so physically (generally when they are at work, or at their child’s school event, or in the bathroom…).

So if, as it is argued, Sport is a means of providing an outlet for Man’s desire to battle, then consumerist hedonism is the outlet for those passions he’s inclined to pursue after a battle. Because, if you haven’t figured it out already, kicking down your neighbor’s door, raping his mother-in-law, and leaving with his flatware is generally frowned upon by most civilized societies.

But without getting too deeply into the rough science of Psychology here, this line of thinking begs a question that’s relevant to not only the relevance of LLL, but the site as a whole:

What does it mean to be Male? Not what society, and especially people who want to sell you shit you don’t need, to complete an image of yourself you’re told you should have (Harley Davidson, anyone?). If your 13 year-old son, on first discovering fuzz on his balls asked you this question, what would you answer?


Start the indoctrination early…

I should state, as an informal ground rule for this discussion, that I’m not interested in the complicated issues of ‘gender identity’ or sexual preference. For our purposes here, the object of your lust isn’t as important as lust itself.

I have my own thoughts on what it means to be Male, and will share them at some point in the discussion. For example, I feel that Violence is a trait that’s inherently Male; not exclusive to our species, but a much more acute symptom of this condition. But for now, I’m interested in hearing from the rest of the community.

2

I’m a touchy-feely psychologist, but when thinking about the basics of male-ness for me, I like to go to the old 1970s post-Jungian approach laid out in “King Warrior Magician Lover.” If you strip away some of the noble savage rhetoric and the pseudo-religious stuff, it boils male-ness down to some primordial images, and contrasts it with immature masculinity.

I guess for me, being a man means that I try to work towards being like those archetypal images.

On a more personal level, my idea of manhood has been shaped, ironically, by my maternal grandfather whom I have no actual memories of. So my idea of what he was like from the stories about him and pictures of him have sort of permeated my thoughts of what a “man” is as opposed to a boy. He was strict and old school, smart but loved to work with his hands. Provided for his family. Had a humor and playfulness about him that belied his stern image. Basically my image of him combines those archetypal male images of the king, the warrior, the magician (wise man; intellectual), and the lover.

3

Esquire used to be an excellent magazine. Like a lot of other magazines, it dumbed itself down. When the “lad mags” hit America about a dozen years ago, the old line men’s mags really took a beating, and got stupid to compete. Esquire is still the best of them though, as it’ll at least occasionally have a fiction feature or some decent reportage.

As far as masculinity, better a palikari than a mangas, as my grandmother used to say.

4

Being a man is having a cock… and being damn fuckin proud of it.

5

“What is a man?”

I used to be very romantic about manly virtues.

Not any more.

My definition so far: Any person that doesn’t wear uggs.

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[QUOTE=Phrost;2694507]

[/QUOTE]

What it means to be Male is a lot of things, but not necessarily all of those things. One of the things on the list is understanding why the picture Phrost lead off with is awesomely Male.

Another is realizing, after reading Esquire, that you don’t need to follow a magazine’s advice on how to be Male. Or that the variety of Maleness pitched by the Lad Mags is window dressing at best.

Or going to your daughter’s ballet recital because you understand her need to be just as Girlie as you are Male.

And I agree: Don’t Wear Uggs.

7

I’m not sure it means a great deal to be male in these heady times. There are very few, if any uniquely male pursuits, and very few occasions when I find myself surrounded only by men. In other words men and women are going to the same places and doing the same things.

Something I notice is that men tend to be more likely to go seeking validation from their peers. I think this manifests itself in our need to surround ourselves with our bro’s, whether that be on a sports team, in a street gang or in a clique on an internet forum, and maybe that’s it:

being a man means showering together, shooting each other and ripping on each other’s retardedness.

[QUOTE=Phrost;2694507] I feel that Violence is a trait that’s inherently Male; [/QUOTE]

I disagree with that. Chicks are violent, just in different ways - in cities in Northern England blokes get drunk and take their shirts off to fight each other, the women, alas, do not.

8

Judging from my personal experience I’d say it means nothing nowadays. You only have to work your ass off and try to survive with the little money you get,regardless of the gender.

9

There are two ways to answer this that make the most sense to me. So then, to be male can mean one of two things:

  1. A game of one-upmanship. By that I mean you can get involved in male hierarchy, fighting for the top spot on the totem pole. This can be obviously done by being the most aggressive, dominant, “alpha”, or covertly done, by being the most moral, tolerant and understanding. But either route you take, explicit or implicit, is really a game of “my kung-fu is better than yours”. The motivations for this are obvious: for all those involved in the game, the higher you rank, the more easily you’re awarded prizes. Admiration, wealth, sex, etc.

  2. A fact of life. Biologically speaking, to be male is an issue of chromosomes, hormones and pee-pees. But OP mentioned discussions of gender identity did not interest him. As a n00b I must respect this, so there’s not much more to say here.

10

while the answer to the question is probably going to be up for debate until the end of time, i think there are a things that being male is NOT, for example:

Male is not Dumb and Dumb is not Good.
There’s a disturbing trend in popular media promoting the ideal of a “dumb but good-hearted” man, as if blissful ignorance was something to be celebrated. Stripping away academic and intellectual overcomplication is fine, but we shouldn’t encourage our sons to be stupid and proud of it. This also applies to the image of men being Impulsive or Wild or Wanton.

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[QUOTE=Rivington;2694518]Esquire used to be an excellent magazine. Like a lot of other magazines, it dumbed itself down. When the “lad mags” hit America about a dozen years ago, the old line men’s mags really took a beating, and got stupid to compete. Esquire is still the best of them though, as it’ll at least occasionally have a fiction feature or some decent reportage.[/QUOTE]

The ultimate male magazine: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-ways-police-gazette-worlds-craziest-magazine/

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I think, in general, it’s not so much a gender issue.
It’s that, in our world, performance, generally, is more important than results.

We are raised to believe in goals unatainable, and we’re groomed to fit in the very small and confined concept of what is proper. We are raised to conformity, men and women alike, and that is slowly bringing society down.

Why did the girl pick Ransom Stoddard over Tom Donovan?

Because, in our world, it’s not about being good or bad. It’s about whom people can understand. And most people don’t understand very much.

13

It seems to me there a big difference between the labels Male and Man. A little boy is male but isn’t a man. Becoming a man is a work in progress, and some never attain that status, as evidenced by those whose thinking and actions remain at the little boy level, no matter their ages. And what a “man” is seems different by culture, too, so the reptilian brain of “maleness” has little to do with it.

As to violence, I don’t think males are commit violence for its own sake. It’s used for acquiring power, territory, or females, or some other desirable thing.

Cogitating over. Carry on.

14

[QUOTE=MovableBookLady;2694617]It seems to me there a big difference between the labels Male and Man. A little boy is male but isn’t a man. Becoming a man is a work in progress, and some never attain that status, as evidenced by those whose thinking and actions remain at the little boy level, no matter their ages. And what a “man” is seems different by culture, too, so the reptilian brain of “maleness” has little to do with it.

As to violence, I don’t think males are commit violence for its own sake. It’s used for acquiring power, territory, or females, or some other desirable thing.

Cogitating over. Carry on.[/QUOTE]

Stfu girl.

15

Like this…

Not like this…

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What it means to be a Man?

The World is your toilet.

17

Phrost,

Male or man, you used both terms in your OP?

Male is sperm donor, man is father. I’m raising my boys to be men. Being male comes with testes.

That about sums it up for me.

18

Male does not = man.

Real men are self reliant, responsible and take crap from no one.

Sadly, our society is propagating to many males and not enough men.

19

Male or “Man” as far as I’m concerned are interchangeable; not so much concerned with the semantics as the concepts.

A more crude way of putting it: “what does it mean to be a + and not a -?”. (And before the sensitive sallies complain, I’m referencing plugs and adapters, not making a value statement.)

20

[QUOTE=Phrost;2694694]Male or “Man” as far as I’m concerned are interchangeable; not so much concerned with the semantics as the concepts.

A more crude way of putting it: “what does it mean to be a + and not a -?”. (And before the sensitive sallies complain, I’m referencing plugs and adapters, not making a value statement.)[/QUOTE]

You lost me on the plugs and adapters, I guess it wasn’t crude enough for me to get it.

And usually I do “crude” pretty well.