The force is strong with this one.
Sounds very Aikido to me, straight hand kotegaeshi…Spin and turn right into a knuckle sandwich!!!
My favorites:
“I took one quarter of Karate while in College and the instructor’s response to everything was x block. Punch - x block it. Kick - x block it. Someone stabbing you - stand in the path of the knife and x block it.”
-That has not happened to me, but I made it happen some poor fool i was sparring with. He X-blocked a feigning front kick, so i side-fisted that punk in the jaw. Then for about 5 minutes, I berated him about how stupid that block is in a sparring match.
-Personally, I think crescent kicks may be the most ridiculous real-life kicks out there. Just use a freakin’ roundhouse.
hand on hip when punching …
-(WHAAATT??)
“When somebody grabs your wrist (and just stands there, too), you hit them with a Leopard fist (you know…those knuckles you knock on a door with) on the back of the hand. I’m sure the Dillman-Worshippers would call this a knockout technique.”
-That works. When a really hard leopard strike hits the back of your hand, it hurts.
“somebody grabs your hair one-handed in the front (and just sits there). You grab his one hand with both of our hands, trapping his grabbing hand to your head. Step 2: bow. This will bring the guy to his knees writhing in pain! HA!”
-Nice way to get the famous “boot to the head”
"I was training sword under a guy that, in retrospect, was a serious BS-artist. He tried to teach me a japanese sword technique that involved spinning the blade across the backs of my fingers one handed, like a baton twirler. It was at this point that I had to realize how much horseshit he had sold me.
sliced fingers? nope, I have to be quick enough to only grasp the spine of the blade.
combat effectiveness? I guess when a evil ninja sees this uber-cool move they will either run in fear, or anally violate me on account of how faggish it looked.
Respectfully,
Ray Nelson"
- That’s on some Yakuza “cut-your-finger-off” shit. The ninja would probably rape you on account of how faggish the majority of “ninjas” are today. (no diss to any ninjitsu artist, just posers.)
Colonel Pong Said:
"I have a few gems to add to your list. When I was in the army we had this officer whom we shall simply call Lt M. He was a twit as well as a wanker. He lived in his own world in which he was totally incompetent (like these complete fukcers I used to flat with whom I shall refer to only as … Haw and Hem). Anyway. to the point.Lt M was supposedly a high ranking student of some “hard core” style. Don’t know how long he for trained or what the style was. Whatever it was … well… here are some of the bits I remember best… let the following describe his “methods” (right handedness assumed. Reverse if lefty of course):
A). Place feet and hands on the ground, with your body facing UPWARDS. Whilst remaining in this position, kick your leg out to the side at 90 degrees towards your enemy.
B). Stance: stand side on with right hand up by head and left arm straight down by your side.
C). Blocking. Keeping your left arm completely straight and clenching the fist, swing it up to intercept the blow and then lower it back down.
D). Knife hand: Fairly standard, except you don’t hit with the hand. You hit down with the fingers, little finger first.
E). Some kind of back kick: As enemy comes in, turn around and stand upright, facing away from him. Swiftly pull heel straight up to buttocks as per a standing quad stretch. The intent of this is to connect with the groin. Or get smacked in the back of the head.
F). Armpit kick: When enemy punches, side step and swing straight leg upwards. Object is to hit enemy in the armpit with your shin. Why? I really don’t know.
G). Another back kick: As enemy approaches, turn around so that you are facing away from him. Drop into pushup position with straight body, arms and legs. As he charges in, raise one leg (keeping it straight) and try to collect him under the chin.
H). Never use your hips or legs when punching! It is “uneconomical movement”. Arms just arms men!
Here are a few other little examples I came across elsewhere. These are from lessons from guys who did a six week training programme that “qualified” them as instructors.
The basic concepts of the system were good. It was based on simple, dirty fighting focusing on knees, groin, eyes, throat etc. However, the actual teachings were a big pile of horse doodies.
Here are a few examples (note that the strikes listed below are the ONLY strikes this system actually permits. ALL are off the front hand. Rear hand strikes were forbidden as they were "Too slow
A). Stance: Stand side on to enemy, feet shoulder width apart. Have rear hand up by head. Arm facing foe is to be held at a 90 degree angle , bent at the elbow also on a ninety degree angle. This was known to most of us as the “Please break my ribs” position.
B). Knife hand: From the above posture, strike down by straightening arm at the elbow. The arm straightening action is the ONLY motion for this in their teachings. Basically nothing but tricep. They insist on everything else being still. As you can imagine, its like hitting someone with a feather duster.
C). Palm heel strike: From the same side on position, pull arm back and push palm out to the side. Basically imagine standing still and pushing something to the side of you.
D). Eye/throat strike: Same as palm heel above but with fingers held rigid and pointing at target.
E). Elbow: Chicken wing stylings. Hold elbow to rib cage and lift it up sideways to meet target.
F). Knee stomp: The technique itself is no problem. Basically stomp heel onto enemy knee to over extend and wreck joint. The issue here is how they tried to apply the method. One would now turn to face one’s enemy with feet parallel. Throw both hands straight up in the air (and I do mean completely straight). The theory is that the enemy will then look up in confusion and you can stomp on the knee. Or he could smack the hell out of you while you’re completey unprotected.
G). Kinsetsu Geri (forgive my crappy Japanese spelling): To those unfamiliar with the term its basically a sidekick to the knee. Don’t get me wrong, a very useful and nifty thing. But once again the “instructors” have completely missed the point and come up with a totally crap way of applying it. Stand sideways as with most of the other techniques here. Side cross step and execute the strike. While doing this have BOTH HANDS ON YOUR SUPPORTING KNEE for “Balance”. If the first shot misses, keep on going continously. The theory is that “Even if he gets out of the way of the first one or two, if you keep running at him sideways kicking all the time you’ll get him with one sooner or later!”. Or he might just smack you in the head.
This was pretty much what these clowns taught. And swore by."
(Is this what half of my tax dollars are going towards: Bullshido?)
“After throwing a person onto their back, do your horse stance over their chest, lean over, and throw a flurry of handstrikes to their face, including a 3 stooges eye gouge.”
- I learned a technique like this, but i get to kneel on the guy. then stomp the shit out of him.
Hear Wa wrote:
"I watched in utter amazement as a peer of mine was told to remove her rings during form practice because they’d effect her chi flow and eventually make her sick.
“I took part in a “street fighting” class. Basically, you were pitted against three people: one wielding a club, another a knife and another a gun. We were told to attack.”
- WTF? Chi flow stopped b/c of some ring? (It pissed me off to see those Chi ads in ‘Inside Kung Fu’ and ‘Black belt’ magazines) Attack a guy with a gun? Only in the Matrix. Dodge that.
Well I wasn’t taught this but I heard it once…
From Rich Franklin to Matt Sera “at the start of the round just drop to a knee… he can’t kick you in the head then”. Or something directly to that effect.
I damned near choked on a strawberry. I remeber it was a strawberry because when I coughed it out it left a stain on the carpet and my wife still tells me “I should start making you watch TUF/ufc in the fucking kitchen”.
What do you guys think of this one? This is from my old karate school.
Straight punch, with right hand, circle closed fist block from inside to outside, you can then grab wrist if you wish,
then the attacker punchs under this with other hand, and you do the same movement, his arms are now crossed, so now you can twist them into a painful lock on the joint, or a kick to the stomach , groin etc.
I’m your instructor! That move is fucking Pimp and you only think it’s bad because YOU can’t apply one in combat (because you haven’t done enough Kata)
Seriously, I practised that, I just never though of it in a good way, or really bad way …
and yes it was explained as a move from a kata…
One day the (substitute) teacher strolls between our midst and says:
“Suppose someone grabs your wrist like this…”
I forgot the rest.
I was once told (by a guy who was a pretty successful amateur wrestler, but nonetheless crazy) that the worst thing to do when someone points a gun at you is freeze. Instead, he told me to rush them, and grab the gun. Let me say: to that point, I had no fight training at all, but my instincts told me…no.
To my knowledge, the guy is still alive. I hope he never gets mugged. That’s not to say that his approach was any worse than other anti-gun tactics I’ve heard. I may be wrong, but I doubt there are any high-percentage unarmed self-defense strategies against a gun, except to comply and hope the guy doesn’t want the homicide squad after him.
WUSHU
Excellent thread btw
I’m betting this has already been mentioned, but even if so it deserves repeating.
Heart Attack Close FTW!
[quote=Boyd](a continual growing list as more and more memories from my karate days come flooding back)
- Asked sensei for some effective ways to attack the legs/feet. At the time, I was having a big "efficiency" kick and wanted to learn the most practical way to hurt a person from a distance. Sensei advised me to kneel down and punch him in the foot.quote]
A technique from my old Jesus-freak Krotty instructor:
“As your opponent throws a right punch, X-block upwards to redirect the blow. Then, catch your opponent’s wrist with your left hand and the opponent’s hand with your right, pressing your thumb between the center knuckles. Twist the hand to your left and apply pressure by pressing the opponent’s hand back towards them.”
Mmm… Krotty and impromptu Aikido!
i wasnt exactly taught this, but i saw an ashida kim instructional video telling me to break a guys neck claw out his eyes, rip off both ears, finally put him in an arm lock (somehow the guy wouldnt have dropped it after getting his ears ripped off) then ripping out his windpipe, and genitals, and finally, rupturing his diaphram
Hahaha yeah I saw that one for the first time yesterday. Quality comedy.
I say,here’s fun…Imagine you are down the beach with ur girl,with your shoelaces of your shoes tied together to make them easier to carry, slung over your shoulder.Now imagine you get into a spot of bovver with the local bully boys…hey presto!Your shoes become nunchuks!Battle your way to freedom with your whirling reeboks of death!!No shit,I was actually told this from a Kyu Shin Ryu (Kevin Hawthorne)instructor.He should have known better to tell us…I should have known better to stay!:XXonlyamo
Come on, Sick! Everyone knows that throwing sand in your attacker’s face and vanishing without a trace is much more efficient…
Heh,true dat!Have you been training with Mr Hawthorne too?
Ninjer sand style “Spirit Winds of Tiny Pain”. only the most hardcore of teh invisible LARPers actually attempt it.
Aikido. 'nuff said really.