oop’s click on link!
I’m familiar with grappleden from reading about it on here.
My only issue with some of the fetish community stuff is that for me, I prefer a bit more chaos in my life. I don’t like to set that many parameters when I go looking for somebody. If I find something interesting, great, if it’s less than what was desired that’s fine too.
I’ve been in situations like that and it is a lot of fun. Tons actually.
But it’s my personal preference not to want to plan it out that much.
No, I actually have plenty of self-discipline thanks, it’s about the only kind I’m interested in.
I was just being a wise ass.
Yes, a lot of submissive women put themselves in bad situations because they feel they have to in order to keep their dominant happy. There are two bad things happening. The first is that she is allowing herself to be put in that situation. The second, is that the dominant is not taking care of his or her property, there is a certain amount of stewardship that is crucial in all relationships. That is a failure on both parts of the spectrum.
For example, I have the right to say “no,” whenever I want; however, I have to have a good reason. I have protocols. The first two are:
I will protect my owner’s property at all times
I will protect my owner at all times
That sounds draconian but there is a reason behind them. If I am hurt, I cannot serve my owner to my full potential. If she becomes injured, she cannot tend to me to the best of her ability. D/s relationships require trust, I personally could not trust someone who did not take care of me.
Spontaneity is fantastic. Nothing says that in a relationship everything has to be mapped out. I would love to do a kidnapping scene with my Owner. But her and I know that with my past the way it is…that’s not a possibility. There is an issue with my hurting my captors because I have PTSD and would not go quietly. That being said, there are other things which she does that makes up for it.
I completely agree. But that wasn’t really what I was trying to talk about - I was speaking more broadly and not necessarily in the context of a relationship.
That is such a bad example of an OTK (Over the knee) spanking. I’d post a link to something that’s a little more interesting, but I don’t want to be banned. LoL
I’m sorry, I guess I misunderstood what you were saying. Maybe if you rephrase it I could answer better?
Ok…I need to leave, I’ll be back in a few hours. I’ll try to answer everyone’s questions at some point when I get back.
Dam alpha you don’t ware the ol’e rubber mask and shit do ya?
Alpha - hurting your captors? Have you had help for your PTSD?
JP - you’d be one of the WORST people to engage in a BDSM relationship. You just don’t do well with rules.
I’m starting to think that the underlying message of this thread is the fact that men in the ‘modern age’ don’t know their role or are finding it difficult to define themselves due to the gradual breakdown of traditional gender roles.
On this we agree.
I’d argue that it has less to do with a breakdown than evolution. That evolution, while it might experience some growing pains, is allowing people to find greater freedoms in which to live their lives in a way that society is finding less and less cause to try and make them ashamed of.
I’m stoked people get to find stuff like that now. As long as everybody is a consenting adult, I’ve got no beef with anything.
But this thread has no underlying morals, or morals at all. I’m not interested in inserting morals into something with gray areas wider than a battelship. Rather, a dialogue on different people’s path to happiness within the traditional relationship dynamic, that may or may not allow that dynamic to wander off course.
No, I don’t. I’m not into rubber, and thankfully, neither is she. That doesn’t mean I don’t wear other things, but that’s for another time. LoL
When I’m out and about, I wear whatever I want (unless she wants me wearing something specific). When I’m in the play-space, I’m usually wearing nothing except for welts and lashes.
Yes, I currently do see professionals for my PTSD, that doesn’t mean I won’t incapacitate someone that I feel is presenting a threat to me. Think of it this way, if a van rolled up next to you and some people you didn’t know jumped out trying to grab you; wouldn’t you fight back?
JP - Okay, got where you’re coming from. As an aside, I like that you use the word ‘evolve’, its probably why you can discuss this sort of thing quite objectively.
I actually find it uncomfortable dissecting my behaviour in this domain and how its changed over time.
Of course I’d fight back. This is where I’m not sure how people who are heavily into BDSM draw the line between this powerplay and ‘reality’. Where’s the fun when you actually think your life is under threat?
I certainly don’t have PTSD, but I grew up in New York City.
And you can be damn sure I wouldn’t be friendly if the above scenario happened to me.
But getting back on topic and off the personal chest pounding, what specifically do you think you get out of this Alpha?
If you’re more comfortable answering in the general sense of what a submissive is interesting in, that’s fine. I don’t want to put anybody on the spot just to satisfy my questions.
From my limited understanding, I know that in a D/s relationship, the sub has a great deal of personal power and there are even scenarios in which it’s unclear exactly in who’s hand the leash is resting.
But what’s the attraction to making it so specific, v.s. a more “vanilla” relationship?
Good. I’m glad it’s clear that I’m not out to skewer anybody’s interests. Alpha and I got to talking on the TD thread and it was WAY off topic for the balance of the participants so we moved it here with Alpha’s consent.
I just don’t understand why there’s this rampant loss of identity or masculinity for men in this culture as women have gotten stronger. There’s no reason why being a man and being with a strong woman cannot coexist.
I find it frustrating that people keep assuming the same gender roles even when there’s this opportunity for growth.
For example, to vastly simplify:
Why do we see so many men trying to look delicate, thing and fragile, even as the women grow stronger? Why does it have to flip so obviously?
You’ve got the same dynamic of one dominant party and another. Nothing has changed, nothing has really evolved.
I hope I’m making sense here.
“Topping from the bottom”, it’s called. This is why “top” vs. “bottom” is a different justaposition than “dom[me]” vs. “sub”; the dom[me] is the person in charge, and the sub is the person being taken charge of, whereas the top is the one doing things – e.g. causing pain – to the bottom. The top and dom[me] are usually the same person, but not always.
Terminology gets confusing, and the above may not be uncontroversial.
But what’s the attraction to making it so specific, v.s. a more “vanilla” relationship?
Giving up power can be tremendously exhilarating. Although in a certain sense it’s illusory (there’s always a safeword to end things RIGHT NOW), playing the submissive part of a scene is essentially (i.e. unless it goes so wrong that safewords are used) giving up power of your own body and letting someone else use it to play with.
Being the bottom to physical “torture” – flogging, spanking, impact play – is hard to describe. Many people go into an almost trance-like state of euphoria, induced by adrenaline, norepinephrine, or whatever hormones are released, known as “subspace”.
It’s pretty special.
That’s definitely what I’d love to know the answer to.
Also, I wonder if the perception of the parties involved in a BDSM relationship are similar to those involved in ‘vanilla’ relationships except that they play it out physically in a more marked way involving scenarios/props, a more public display of their relationship dynamic etc. Or is the dynamic in a BDSM r’ship quite different to that of ‘vanilla’ relationships and is the only way some people can find ‘happiness’ (whatever that means to each individual).
I’m confusing myself now.
Okay. So, believe it or not, I understand the role this whole thing plays in sex. I’ve experienced some low-grade things like this myself.
But I’m less interested in sex in this context, because what people do in the bedroom often has no bearing on what they do in their relationship.
That’s the part I’m interested in.
Alpha’s relationship with his Domme seems to extend beyond the sexual.
I understand where you’re going. To hyperbolize, a relationship in which one partner is abusing the other could be considered a very extreme and very unhealthy way of playing out the power dynamic in a relationship that might get addressed in a healthier, safer way between two people who know what they are signing up for?
Am I on the right track, guys who know? I don’t want to give offense due to ignorance.
Also, on a subtler level, those relationships in which one partner seems to hold all the cards and power.
For instance the age-old and pretty stupid concept of being “whipped.”