The Modern Age

Reviews, Videos, and Everything Else The Finer Things
1

Cause goddamn shit has gotten complicated in this day and age.

So this is a thread to discuss all of those folks out there who have managed to find themselves a happy place (or whatever) in that slightly left of center world where we store all the stuff that doesn’t get advertised on Primetime, isn’t about to make it’s way into a Jennifer Aniston and whoever-the-fuck, any time soon.

Just to give you some background, this discussion is being visited upon ya’ll because Alphafoxtrot and I started talking about BDSM in the Throwdown thread…

Yeah. I’ll wait a second for the snickering to die down.

His significant other and he are part of that lifestyle choice, or preference.

I just thought it would be interesting to talk about how the dynamics of that relationship work, especially considering that many so-called “normal relationships” have many of those same dynamics and power exchanges, it’s just not discussed.

We got kicked out of the Throwdown thread because you don’t wanna go talking about love-beatings where the big strong macho men are beating each other up and trying to call it sports…:boxing: :laughing1

So here’s the spot for Alpha and I to continue that question and answer session and also for any of you who want to, to chip in. We’d talk about homosexual relationships, but since there’s already two sections on this forum to talk about grappling, I figure we can just leave it out.

In other words, it’s hard out here for a pimp…

There’s just so much variety in product available.

So let’s hear it?

2

There’s cross-over, though: In my experience, a little bit of BJJ can go a long way in BDSM.

3

One of us isn’t getting the joke.

I was being very childish. It’s possibly in your subtly that the one not getting the joke is me.

It’s totally me isn’t it?

Okay, here’s a preemptive “Fuck you guys.” :seppuku:

4

Alas, I fear 'tis so!

5

Fuck. Well now that I’m a sad panda how about somebody else get out here and fucking add something…

My ass is getting cold in these chaps. :eusa_shhh

6

HMmm… I lost a girl I really dug because we were both Dominant. It’s OK I got a new one, but she’s not the type for rough play.

Damn!

7

Does a good slap on the ass in the heat of passion count as bdsm ? if so I’m down with that.

8

The power play is hot as hell.

My problem is that I like the struggle, I don’t really like to “win” all the time. Or at all, can’t we just struggle until we’re both exhausted?

That sounds like more fun.

9

Actually, there is a place called Grapple Den in NYC that hosts fetish grappling and wrestling parties every so often. They are a lot of fun to go to if you have the time, and the staff there are very friendly. Many of them, (who I know personally), train out of Renzo Gracie in the city.

Ok, back to questions, I will be happy to answer anything and everything (that I have permission to). Just a head’s up, I have a birthday party to go to tonight, so I will be leaving shortly…so your answers may be in a few hours.

Just to clarify, I’m the guy JP was referring to in the original post. I am a submissive in a D/s relationship. The D/s stands for Dominant-submissive.

To give you guys an idea on how the hierarchy works, going from top to bottom:

Dominant - Can refer to the upper half of the D/s spectrum. Includes Masters, Mistresses, Owners, etc.

Top - A person playing a dominant role in a scene. Not always a permanent Dom/me

Switch - A Person who is both Dominant and submissive depending on their partner

Bottom - A person playing a submissive role. Not always a permanent submissive

Submissive - Can refer to the lower half of the spectrum. It is a person who takes satisfaction in giving power away to their partner. Submissives have liberties and personal freedoms.

Pet - Person who is a submissive but takes on the role of a family pet, less freedoms than a Submissive but more freedom than a Slave.

Slave - A person who has usually contracted themselves and is collared to their Dominant. This category gives up the most power and has the least amount of freedoms. Liberties and freedoms are dictated by the Dominant in this relationship. The terms of the contract are binding to how the relationship and the Slave work.

I know I’m going to get a TON of questions over this so please be patient if I don’t get to everyone quickly. I also expect the trolls to run rampant over this…but hey, life wouldn’t be fun if it didn’t have a few nuts.

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maybe in new yawk! out here in the boonies we call the STRUGGLE 4-play.

11

Yes, actually there is something called resistance play. If you find the right person it’s can potentially be a lot of fun. You really should check out grapple den. I would love to do resistance play, but my Owner and I would kill each other, LoL.

12

It depends on the context, if you’re riding your girl and just randomly {POW}…not really. But if you intentionally do it and she’s into spankings…then yes, it could be. Again, BDSM is about consent and understanding the atmosphere. Little kids playing cowboys and indians aren’t scening when they tie each other up to trees. Now take a group of adults and tie each other up to trees (consentually) and that may be a different story. Intent also comes into play.

If I smack you with a flog just because I felt like it…doesn’t really count. You weren’t intending on being hit with it, despite the fact that I was intending on using it. That’s just being an ass.

13

Christ, you guys are making it so complicated and the categorising doesn’t help.

I’m in a long term relationship and I’d say I have a slight upper hand, otherwise its just about respect, trust and love. That way each one can ‘dominate’ or ‘submit’ (I’m not talking about extremes of those words here) without defining the whole relationship about those exchanges. Anyway, everyday is a challenge and never boring, that’s all I need.

As to your line about a ‘pimp having too much choice’ JP, its the same for a lot of men and women. Big deal. You just need some discipline…

14

It’s funny that you mention this, I’ve had this conversation a few times with some of my close friends.

Types of Relationships

Submissive-Submissive:

Two submissives being together can get very frustrating unless at least one of them is a switch. Neither one wants to take responsibility or make a suggestion as to what they want to do. Usually, in this dynamic, the couple go outside of the relationship and bring in a Dominant to work on them both, or two Dominants. While submissive-submissive relationship can sometimes stand on their own, it can be tedious.

Dominant-Submissive:

Usually the ideal relationship, unless you enjoy the other two. One person’s role is giving power and the other person is accepting power. It’s harmonious and the simplest for people just getting started in the BDSM world. I wouldn’t recommend a Poly-household for newbies though…it could end badly.

Dominant-Dominant:

Awesome if you like resistance play, but again, unless someone is a switch…this dynamic can get old very fast and be explosive. Both partners want control and neither one really wants to give power away. This dynamic requires patience and usually the bringing in of a pet or submissives. Multiple if they don’t want to share with each other.

15

The categories aren’t the be-all end-all. People don’t have to follow them; although, when you step into the BDSM world, you might want to know what the terms are.

This is not about “normal” everyday relationships. There are aspects of those “vanilla” relationships that apply to BDSM, which just means that there are underlying tones that could be turned into something more interesting, but for the most part…I think this thread is pretty straight forward.

16

You just haven’t been saddle broken yet.

Seriously though. “When you’re in love, the whole world is jewish.” It’s wise to remember that when you want to start reading too much into other peoples dynamics.

17

D/s play definitely means very different things to different couples / people. Some people keep it pretty compartmentalized, some have it bleed over to their vanilla sides a little bit more, some use it as forms of therapy or role reversal, some just get off on it.

PROTIP - a lot of potentially submissive women will put themselves in compromising situations for dominant men simply because they’re sick of the other men in their lives being afraid of saying exactly what they want from them.

Personally, I stay away from the dynamic of (truly) dominant-dominant or submissive-submissive relationships.

18

Struggling is fun. As a switch leaning more towards the submissive end of the spectrum, who mostly prefers to play with women, this can be a bit of a problem – I’m not that big or strong or good at grappling, but up against a woman I outweigh by 40-50 lbs, or someone entirely untrained…

The other week I had two people come over, both of whom knew nothing of grappling but one of whom is rather stronger than I am; the two of them tried to tie me up. On the first attempt, I eventually pinned one while RNC-ing the other. The second time…well, it’s a lot harder to play guard after someone manages to get a rope around your ankles and one of your wrists.

19

Point taken Old Douchebag, I just got carried away for a moment. Also just realised my location says ‘Dungeon’ so I must be qualified somewhat to post in this thread.

As to being in love, lets not even go there.

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Lily go back to your room! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9OH4bVHsb0