A common theme in comedic musings about marriage is that women shut off the sex tap once the ring is secured, oftentimes permanently (what food kills a womans sex drive? Wedding cake, etc). This seems to be a truism for most of the population. Now, at least one of the three women on this forum will pipe up and say that their libido is stronger than any man’s they have come across (pun intended), but we all know that a) you’re full of shit and b) if you are not full of shit, then you really need to stop picking up at the impotency clinic.
I’m writing mainly to ask those in a relationship what are some methods you’ve employed to trick, sorry, seduce your long term female friend into fucking the bejesus out of you and if those methods are consistent.
Now, as a bit of a ladies man in the good ole days, I can honestly say I had a foolproof script that guaranteed sex whenever I wanted it. It went exactly like this:
Me: Hi, how are you tonight?
Her: $50 a blowjob, $100 full service, $150 you can fuck me in the arse.
Obviously this required exquisite timing and finesse on my behalf, you couldn’t just walk up out of the blue and be so up front, the women I chose had class!
Now that I am in a stable long term relationship and having made the mistake too many times to count of waving a fistful of fifty’s at her with one hand and shaking my dick in the other, I am looking for some tried and tested techniques that don’t involve me standing outside the bathroom waiting until she gets out of the shower and bends over to dry her feet.
The old “men need to have sex to feel loved, women need to feel loved to have sex” is bullshit if you ask me. Chicks just need to lay down and if nothings doing, KY can do it for them. Dudes, on the other hand, we need to get the blood pumping and allocate it to the penis, a volume about 1/5th of our body mass (that’s the same with you, as well, right?). We need to fucking WORK to fuck. And don’t get me started on the thrusting! Thank god that’s over in a couple of seconds.
So yeah, I don’t care about you young whippersnappers chasing tail all over town. Been there, done that, no STI’s, I hope, I’ll get tested one day. I want to hear from those shackled to the ole ball an chain, those suffered and survived, or suffering and surviving a sexless marriage, those on their way or close to walking down the aisle blubbering at the loss of those freedoms like Friday night, Saturday morning, Saturday night…the weekend. How do you convince your woman that your sexual needs are more important than her desire to tell you about her day?