Anyone who’s been regularly to a commercial gym has, no doubt, run into “gym people”. (If you can’t say that you have, then you’re probably one of them).
They’re the guys who do one set of 5 reps every 30 minutes and then strut around like they’re trying to hold in the morning’s oat bran. Or they’re the women on their cell phones while walking 2 MPH on a treadmill, gossiping to the other neighborhood clucking hens about inane garbage. Maybe it’s the infamous “guy doing curls in the squat rack” or “Mr. short shorts” who just can’t seem to keep everything tucked into place while doing the leg spreader machine. Or hell, another guy who’s always camping that machine, just out of range (but in full view), waiting for the ladies to take a turn.
Then there’s the old people, but let’s not get started on that (because they never freakin’ finish and move on to something else).
Yes, like the SATs we’ll give you 400 points just for showing up. Good for you. Next time, leave the cowboy boots at home, jackass.
People at the gym suck, and this month is dedicated to your stories about the worst of them.
The gym I used to lift at was attached to a karate place and just before a class started upstairs, we’d get a flood of gi-clad people coming down to use the weights to warm up.
generally, they’d do wacky stuff like try and punch full power while holding stupid-heavy dumbbells and pretty much fall over, or whack themselves in the jewels de familia.
Far and away the worst/best gym person was a guy who’d come in and spend 10 minutes loading up the inclined leg press machine with about 200kg (accompanied by loud grunts and much clanging of weights) and then do 1 frikkin rep (more like a half rep, actually) and then leave.
My GF stopped on the cardio rower and ran past me gagging, I stopped what I was doing and asked her what was wrong. A guy had started on the alpine stepper next to her who obviouly had either a continence problem, wasn’t bothered or was so inflexible he couldn’t wipe his arse. He stunk of shit and her head was about level with his sharney arse.
I am totally one of the “Gym People” ! Im the guy that likes to spend 45 minutes on cardio 30 mins on weights, and then two and a half hours relaxing in the hot tub and suana, sipping on a unmarked plastic contianer with a questionable unkown liquid inside.
College Gyms are the worst… Everything that Phrost mentioned existed in my college’s gym ten-fold. The only difference between my college’s gym and a commercial gym was that it was half the size…You could only work out between 6-8 AM or 9-11 AM… Trying to work out any other time of day was an exercise in futility.
Fun stuff.
Just to add a few more types of people to Phrost’s list…
The body builder that tells you that you are working out all wrong- " You’ll never get bigger doing shit like that"
The Ultimate fighter…Make the mistake of wearing Sprawls to the gym or an old tourney t-shirt and this guy tells you that he trains UFC fighting…Sometimes works out in Afflicition T-shirts.
The weight thrower- Often same as the body builder guy. Does one or two reps (may or may not be actually heavy) and then tosses the weight to the ground resulting in a loud boom. This will attract attention and help to entice the ladies!
Anyone have a “Pill Guy”?
We used to have a guy who would make a massive thing about all his supplements that he’d take while lifting = testosterone, creatine etc…
He’d have a whole performance theatre thing while he’d lay out his pills, arrange them in order and put his drink next to them.
If anyone went near his temple of supplements, he stalk right over (mid set, usually) and ask them to be careful around his stuff, and then go on to lecture them how important it was to make sure to take the right supplements at the right time…
How about the personal trainer, who non-chalantly walks into your peripheal vision, and starts exercising showing off his or her awesomness in hopes that you will fly to him and beg to spend $100 on a private session?
I was doing a 3x3 set of hang cleans, as much weight as I could handle and the douche bag behind me was on a calf raise machine. Anyway, he was using it as a shoulder press (doing a whopping 80 lbs) and his friend was pacing back and forth yelling:
“Easy weight! Easy weight!” Asshole kept getting way too damn close to me and fucked up my last set. I was pissed.
I love the “I train for UFC” retards that do nothing but bench all day long. They’re awesome.
I had a lazy ass boss that would take 3hr lunch breaks to go “work out” at the gym. Which really meant bullshitting with his ass kissing employees(not me) and filling his spank bank with all of the silicone milfs(not me either) that were looking for that sort of attention from someone other than their husbands.
UFC tards bug me in any environment, but the gym must be the worst. Most of the ones I’ve run into can barely spell UFC.
For a crossover from last month, fat chicks act like the lat pulldown machine is an ice cream dispenser. Don’t strain yourself now…
A few months back, I was doing max strength stuff - heavy singles with long rest periods on bench, squats, etc… I’d set it up as a circuit so I didn’t wind up spending four hours there, and because the gym wasn’t especially busy, I left the squat bar loaded while I was over doing bench and vice-versa. Anyways, I’d just finished my third or fourth set of bench, when all of a sudden, from the direction of the power racks, I hear:
CLANG BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
One of the rocket surgeons who worked at the gym had decided to unload my squat bar for me… by unloading one end at a time.
That is so true. I blew $70 on membership to my college gym. It’s a decent sized gym, but it basically consisted of 1000 bicep curl stations and 20 varations of benching machines. All of the squat racks were used for benching. Not that anyone weightlifted. People would just go there, pretend to lift for 20 minutes and then try to pick up one of the 100 skanks on the treadmill. It was more of a mating ground than a place to weightlift.
