For those that aren’t familiar with this gold mine of win, the craigslist website has a “best-of” section in which users vote for the posts which offer the very funniest, most heart-warming or just downright vitriolic posts.
Here’s one I think we can all appreciate.
Drunk as Balls Dojo
Are you a casual drunk to full blown alcoholic? Is your mouth often writing checks your fists can’t cash? Drunk as Balls Dojo is the answer to all of your problems. At Drunk as Balls Dojo you will learn the fine art of bar fighting from one of the nation’s premiere trouble drunks- Ryan O’Reilly. Master O’Reilly has been banned nationally from such established chains as Friday’s, Buffalo Wild Wings, and every Border’s Book Store containing a Starbucks. He is an expert in the “What are you looking at” and “You got a problem” fighting styles, but is very skilled in a variety of other styles such as “She was talking to me.”
Master O’reilly will take you from the pansy-ass lush you are now to becoming a true liability in only 5 weeks. Intensive training covering such varied areas of self-offense as:
-Using wing sauce as a weapon
-Breaking a beer bottle without slicing and dicing your hands
- Accurate projectile vomiting
- Flicking a lit cigarette into someones face
- “Getting the fuck outta there”
Classes will be held every Monday, Weds, and Friday- with Fridays being reserved for critiquing failed technique in the classic and award winning movie Roadhouse. You’ll come to class, get wasted drunk, and mix it up with other like-minded individuals. Master Ryan will show you the path to true ‘trouble maker.’ Only when you reach that point will you be able to tell that douche-bag how ridiculous his shirt/hat/girlfriend is with the confidence that only comes from being trained as a drunk fighter. If you aspire to bar-flydom, this class is a must have!
Classes start at $50 a week + a 12 pack per class.