yes yes, you’re impressed by his finger work aren’t you…
no. i’m in love with him because he’s smart and funny and makes great little movies.
In Shakespeare’s comedies, it was always the guy who was trying to hook up who was spurned and always the guy who swore off women who got the girl. Funny that.
Oh and “craigslist”? Ewwww! Unless maybe you are going for the second paragraph above.
Eldarbong, I see you’re into Muay Thai and BJJ. Are you close to the level where you could compete in some local amateur events or smokers? I hear chicks dig fighters. Not that I would know though!
I have a friend who has had some “success” on Craigslist. The stories he’s told me are terrifying though. I wouldn’t go down that route. Anyone who looks like someone you’d be interested in is guaranteed to be getting flooded with responses from desperate guys. My friend had to “lower the bar” significantly in most cases. The only exception is if you’ve got some real niche thing going on (read: weird fetish that not many other dudes are into).
REALLY! This friend is NOT ME!
dude, don’t be creepy please
[quote=“Eldarbong”]
This is not the answer, at least for me.
Maybe I’ll just take up TKD or Cardio Kick, I know women love that crap.[/quote]
Well, you’re not entirely barking up the wrong tree. Being social doesn’t have to mean jumping right in and asking girls out on dates. Pick something that you actually like to do, so you get good at it, and it won’t look like you’re just in it to meet chicks. In my area, bicycling (mountain and road) is really big, and tons of women are into it (and they tend to be attractive and fit). It can be cheap too, if you can bike to work or school and it offsets a lot of your driving.
Who, me? Don’t worry. I’m trying to talk him out of that. And my “friend” really is not me!
Man, i’ve got all the sympathy in the world for the terminally shy, but this is one of those questions that would be answered in DHS with JUST FUCKING TRAIN, or in this case STOP HAVING A REPULSIVE PERSONALITY AND LEARN TO RELATE TO WOMEN.
Being kinda shy myself, I can say that it takes serious effort to do this. The hardest part is just being willing to risk making a total fool of yourself a few times until you get comfortable talking to people socially. The best way I’ve found is to distract yourself with some sort of group activity (like biking, rock climbing, yoga, etc.) where you can get to know people in a comfortable setting without focusing on the social aspect of it for a while.
Eldarbong - you have no hope. This is what I suggest you do (listen to me):
- Get a second job
- Cut down on ALL social activities and expenses
- Invest your savings in a high growth savings account
- Buy an escort
- Repeat step 3-5
i really dislike it when people say shit like “well im just not social”
get social fuckass because guess what, thats how you meet people. learn how to spin a good yarn, learn how to interact. experience is key.
- If you miss class or show up late for class, find a nice attractive young lady what strikes your fancy and ask her if you can copy her notes. Female-types usually pay attention in class, have better handwriting and take copious notes.
Ask her if you can walk with her to the Uni copy shop and make copies of her notes.
Constantly remind her of how nice it is for her to save your ass.
After the note copying, ask her if you might have the honor of taking her to coffee to repay her kindness and go over the lecture the notes are from, so you may fully understand the material.
- When test time comes around, ask those around you (male and female…don’t want to seem creepy) if they would like to organize a study group.
Hold study group at your place and clean up…especially the bathroom. If you can’t do it at your place or another group member’s place, go to the Uni common.
There will be equal parts study and chatting…don’t focus too much on one or the other.
Make sure you wind up with the cute girl.
Eldarbong, do you want to deal with your bullshit or do you want another flippant answer?
Because there is not an answer to “I’m just not social”
If you’re “just not social” you’d better change or get rich.
I have very, very little sympathy for people who claim ‘addiction issues’ to the point they can’t even be in a room with alcohol at a social event, but that’s neither here nor there.
Do you want to change some of the thinking that’s holding you back? You must, a little, if you looked into AA.
…Yes I would like to deal with my “issues.” The problem is things seem to change slower than I would like them to, and it’s frustrating. I enjoy interacting with other people, and I meet new people, just not at school. Whenever I meet someone in school, I never see them again, or I talk to them twice and that’s it. Outside of school, I can see the same people regularly, and it is much easier to get to know eachother. I never said I can’t be in a room with booze. I do it from time to time, but it’s with people I know. I am not sure if paying to go to an all you can drink beer night and then not drinking is a huge step forward.
Eldarbong you are not a commuter at Stony brook are you?
Buy a book: http://www.amazon.com/Take-Action-Meet-Women-Dates/dp/0975591401
Set-up your own Karatercise class (if you don’t meet anyone you like at least you’ll make some money)
Talk to as many women as you can as often as you can: practice makes perfect
its free
i still remember the burning embarassment of the first time i walked up and tried to start a convo with a girl at a party in high school. i bombed so hard it made the mutant children of hiroshima feel sorry for me, now i can get a girl eating out of my hand if im on the ball. im not particularly good looking or tall or anything, i just do a LOT of practicing. no different than playing football.
What do you want to change? If you could par it down to a list of 5 or 10 things.
I had a similar predicament as Eldaborong from my last year in undergrand and in my grad school years. Just bizness, and after several years, I was pretty much an antisocial. Things can be changed, but one has to put himself out there for it to change.
Ballroom classes are the best way IMO. I actually went into Salsa dancing to deal with depression. After many years of just work and school, I felt I couldn’t get anybody despite being educated, and of course, fucking good looking. When a man puts himself in a secluded position, aways from things social, you loose your ability to relate to people. Really.
Salsa dancing helped me a lot, and I found out a lot of people of all ages, men and women, some of them very attractive and intelligent, that were using dance instruction as a way to cope with depression and re-learning how to be social.
When you meet people that are on the same boat as you, but that are trying to improve and resolve the same (or similar) problems that you have, that helps. It helps a lot. This is moreso if done in a healthy and fun environment like a dance class.
Yoga classes are excellent, but dance classes are the best way to go. And you should not be affraid of the boose if you are in AA. It’s all in you man. When I go dancing, 50% of the places I go do not sell booze, but the other 50% do. And many of the dancers don’t drink anything but cranberry juice or water all night long.
From a decent point of view, I met my g/f (fiance) in salsa about 6 years ago (best friends all that time until we started dating about 10 months ago). Before her, my prev long-term g/f was also from salsa, and also two other ladies that I dated seriously. It’s a good venue to meet quality people.
From a no-so-decent point of view, the amount of pussy you can get is just crazy.
Think about it. You won’t solve things unless you make the first step.