Well, I do believe that my wife’s new friend is becoming more than just that - perhaps a friend with benefits. I have not caught them doing anything. However, she opened a new hotmail account with the same password as other accounts, so I have been reading their emails on the sly. Today she sent him a note saying she believed I would have no problem letting her go over to his place to stay overnight because she was telling me they were just drinking and watching movies. She told me she would do this and sleep on the couch. Email also has reference to looking forward to waking up in his arms.
As you can probably guess, the marriage isn’t quite a Ward and June Cleaver thing. Could be better. We usually get along, I do love her but the spark seems lost.
If the two of them haven’t started fooling around together already, it is probably happening and evolving now.
So … I should also mention that if my wife wants to see this guy and do the booty call, I have no problem with it. She has stated that I can go out and get laid by someone else, too. He is a nice guy and makes her happy so that is a definite plus.
the 2 things that bothers me is she probably isn’t telling me the whole truth about her feelings for this guy and that she seems to be not interested/willing ilately to be intimate with me. I don’t mind her having someone on the side - if it makes her happy that is great. I need to know what is actually going on and rekindle our relationship.
Well, that’s my story for Friday. Looking forward to comments
You are a tool and a doormat. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but that’s how it is.
I really doubt that you would be ok if you and your significant other were to engage in the swingers lifestyle. After all, most swingers couples are committed to each other and go on their swinging to add a bit more spice on the spice they already have. You guys do not have that spice, that sparkle.
I don’t even think you are even serious with the swing thing. I’ve seen this before, and believe me when I tell you that it is you rationalizing this, telling yourself that it’d be ok as long as she feels something, anything for you.
What a worse way to even contemplate jumping into the swinging waters.
If you don’t feel she loves you (or that she has feelings for the other dude), then listen to what your guts are telling you. They are most likely right.
You think a woman is going to tell you that she’s having feelings for the other guy??? She’s telling you to go on and get some bootie as she is (in her mind) easying (sp) the way to give you the boot.
What you need to do is stop this shit right now and, without getting emotional or distressed, ask her where her feelings are, and state that if she has feelings for the guy, then that it’s best to separate (which will be the best thing since YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH HER IF YOU WANT HER TO HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU WHEN SHE IS HAVING THEM FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
Good luck bro.
I’m sure she’s not having the intention to hurt you or use you, but as it is, you are letting her see you like a doormat. Stop this shit and talk to her to get to the bottom of it and be ready to walk out.
TeM has it right. You ‘sound’ even tempered so I believe you can have this discussion openly with your wife. Sometimes people who are tempted to cheat just want their spouse to say something/give them attention etc. The fact that she hasn’t changed the email password and even TELLS YOU SHE IS GOING TO SPEND THE NIGHT AT A MALE FRIEND’S HOME is a cry for attention or reaction.
I understand life can sometimes get complicated - family expectations, children, finance, who is going to live where etc. - however, you sound disengaged, neither happy nor upset. You can’t live like that.
I haven’t been married, but I would never be (at least completely) okay with one of my partners going overnight to another male’s house. I don’t care how much I trust them, or how much I’m supposed to trust them. A combination of Murphy’s Law and an attempt to stop my own paranoia from springing up would result in me saying “No.” If my partner had asked, and if she did it again, I’d probably say “No, why are you adamant on this?”.
The third time is when you really ask the hard questions. You know the ones I mean.
As for you, OP, I hate to say it, but you should get out while the getting’s good. Too many alarm bells and red flags in your story, and in my opinion, you don’t want to make it any more difficult on yourself than necessary.
Also, fuck the ‘swinger’ thing. It’s bullshit. I had friends who attempted this (with same-sex multiple partners, though) and while they didn’t break up, I doubt the guy’s particularly comfortable as a result. In fact, these days he pretty much doesn’t let anyone but his girlfriend touch him. It basically never turns out right, in my opinion, and if someone asks to engage in it, I tend to see it as a red flag.
on a more serious note… you’re not giving her what she needs, so she’s getting it somewhere else. your “accepting” it is just a front, because you most likely KNEW she’d stop going to you for sexual gratification when she could get it anywhere she wants–you just didn’t want to deal with it.
i don’t think you’re a man AT ALL. if you were, you’d value your woman and not let her get passed around like a piece of garbage. why the hell are you on the internet instead of talking this out with your wife? do you like avoiding her that much?
Of course she can get it elsewhere. But is the idea of marriage not to fuck one person exclusively? Does a marriage cease to exist when one partner has problems?
i don’t think you’re a man AT ALL. if you were, you’d value your woman and not let her get passed around like a piece of garbage. why the hell are you on the internet instead of talking this out with your wife? do you like avoiding her that much?
One person cheats and it’s the fault of the other person in the relationship? Come again?
Since you appear to have time on your hands, I suggest four things:
1.) Grow a pair.
2.) Porn.
3.) Whisky.
4.) Get solid proof that she’s cheating on you, then call a good attorney. Unless you live somewhere with horrible divorce law, you can probably get rid of her without losing the shirt on your back.
Alternatively, if you actually grow a pair, you could fight to get her back. I wouldn’t suggest it, since she’s already cheating on you. I’m a one strike and you’re out kind of guy when it comes to cheating.
fes_fsa is pretty much correct. This relationship is likely tanked, due to both the guy and the girl.
A) Regardless of whether or not you’re “okay” with her fucking other people, if she’s lying to you about fucking other people obviously she doesn’t trust or respect you
B) If you’re spying on her IMs and e-mail obviously you don’t trust or respect her
C) If neither of you trust or respect each other, your relationship is fucked regardless
D) If you’re asking for advice about your wife’s affair publically on a forum you’ve been posting on for less than six months,
1)you’re an idiot
2) your relationship is well and truly fucked regardless
Sounds like an intimacy issue, the best response would be to bite the bullet and confront her if you want to keep her. Otherwise what is the point? Sounds like this relationship is DOA.