What should I do?

I was in a long distance relationship for about one and a half years.

Since long distance relationships are doomed to disintegrate, we broke up. I didn’t see her in my future, nor could she see me in hers. We spent so much time and energy trying to make it work. We’d fly across Europe to see each other every few weeks. My holidays were all spent going to her, and vice versa. It seemed every day I wasn’t with her I was preparing to go see her.

This arrangement was clearly not sustainable. I was going to break it off in a few days, after this last trip. Unfortunately, she got there first. I was going to break it off in person but she called me up and did it over the phone. She said she was still looking forward to having me over, but she would prefer I go just as a friend.

So what do I do?

a. cancel the non-refundable ticket
b. go as a friend and then forget her
c. actually try to stay friends
d. other

Reconciliation is not an option. I don’t want to get back together. I love her, but I know we can never be together.

/emo

You’ve already spent the money on a ticket, right? Might as well go and try to bang her ‘as a friend’.

cancel the ticket.

you’ve gotta take some time to regroup, man.

Cancel for sure. It’s going to be awkward if you go out there. Not to mention you need time out of contact with her if you are going to get over it.

cancel the tickett. its gonna be an awkward get together. shes gonna probably do or say something to piss you off more.

new year approaching. new year new woman

Thats the ticket!

Yeah. Do this.
But check if it’s transferable to another destination and have a little holiday.
A lot of airline companies are amenable to a reasonable request. There might be fees involved, but it’s better than a total loss.
Also check if your travel insurance might cover you for change of circumstance.
You’d be surprised.
What, that wasn’t the sort of advice you were expecting?

Reconciliation is not an option. I don’t want to get back together. I love her, but I know we can never be together.

/emo

Ask yourself if you can be with her as a friend without wanting more.
If you can, then you might have an outside shot of keeping her as a close friend.

If you find you do want more, you have to just remain distant friends. It wouldn’t be fair on her for you to harbour more than your professed feelings, and it will just mess you up.

Good luck, mate. Hope it works out the least painful way for you both.

I say go and try to sleep with her friends. You’re friends, right? Maybe just sleep at her place at night, go out touristing during the day. No big deal.

Plus, you can guarantee after that, that chapter of your life will definitely be closed.

as someone who tried this recently- na dude it wont work. My relationship ended the same way- it wasnt going to work out in the long run and we both knew that. it ended amicably and im sure we will be friends again but trust me, as soon as you see her again its gonna fucking hurt and your “holiday” will suck. it needs time. dont cut her out of your life entirely though, what i did is put a note in my diary for a few months from now to give her a call if i feel up to it, by then i will have moved on with someone else and will still have someone who truly knows me as a friend. if you try and do it now it will end badly.

Is it really non-refundable?

If you could get yer money back, I’d say go ahead and stay, cancel the ticket and live your life.

If it’s really non-refundable on the other hand, I’d fucking go out there anyways. Bang some other chicks, see the sights, go where it takes you. Why the hell not. Then again, you really don’t know any of us very well at all, you should probably just make up your own damn mind.

it’ll suck if i mess up

All my experience tells me this will be the case. A tiny part of me keeps saying that she’s different from the others, that we really can be friends.

Maybe it’s because we’ve never argued. I don’t know how to get pissed off at her.

That is exactly what I’m afraid of.

If I was flying out a few months from now it’d be ok. We’d both have had time to move on, and we’d stand a better chance of having fun.

On the contrary, I put ‘cancel the ticket’ as the first answer because it was the first thing I thought I should do.

Ask yourself if you can be with her as a friend without wanting more.
If you can, then you might have an outside shot of keeping her as a close friend.

If you find you do want more, you have to just remain distant friends. It wouldn’t be fair on her for you to harbour more than your professed feelings, and it will just mess you up.

Good luck, mate. Hope it works out the least painful way for you both.

Yeah, this is where I got to thinking about going ahead with the trip. I can test myself there. If I find I can’t have her as a friend, I’ll cut it off for our sake.

I just wish the flight wasn’t so soon.

I don’t know what I’ll do yet. I’ll sleep on it, then weigh my options in the morning.

Yeah, it’s non-refundable. I definitely can’t get my money back but I’ll see what I can do in the morning.

I posted this thread because people who don’t really know me wouldn’t give a shit if they spoke the awful truth.

everyone I know irl is too chicken to give any advice other than “drink alcohol”

Thanks for the honesty, people.

Your airline may keep your dollars but let you use them as a credit for another flight within a year. I hope they have some decent options for you. I’m not sure what I would feel or do in your situation, but it seems that going to visit as a friend now is not a good idea. And the timing (re: travel plans, Christmas) is extremely shitty. Good luck on this one bro.

Yeah, see if there’s any wiggle room with the airline. The xmas thing might work for you: they might be able to sell your seat for much more than you paid, and thus be amenable to a swap/credit.

Forget about travel insurance, unless you paid for the Fickle Bitch Waiver. Which doesn’t exist anywhere, for reasons that must now be painfully obvious.

Locked into the ticket? Go anyway, and don’t see her. Avoid her haunts, family, friends. See the place through your own eyes, for a change.

You haven’t said where she lives; this might be heaping insult upon injury if it’s some cold shithole. In which case, spare yourself and try guilting her into splitting the ticket hit. Which, under the circumstances, wouldn’t be unreasonable.

The correct answer is B.

The awkward bullshit trip will speed the process of alienation. By the time you return home, the pain of a thousand insults will push that girl from your mind completely and you’ll be ready to bury yourself under a hill of strange and soggy genitalia.

Also, Merry Christmas!

Having anything to do with her after this point…it being a long-distance deal and all…is only prolonging and exacerbating.

Like THE Hogfather stated, see if you can rebook elsewhere and have some fun and learn from the situation.

It’s always irritating when you arrive at a thread and the only constructive thing you can offer is “Just follow Teh Hogfather101’s advice”…

So, yeah…

Follow Papa Hogfather101’s advice…

Mutter, grumble, rant, rave

Where would you be flying into?

Is it worth going by yourself, or is it some small-ass town where you two are guaranteed to run into each other?

I’ve checked with the travel company. For a small fee I get to transfer my credit onto other flights.

I’ll now be heading off to a country I’ve always wanted to visit but never had the chance to. I’ve also got a bunch of nights out lined up for when I get back.

Thanks again.

Nice work, sir!

We’ll expect postards now, you realise?

Yeah, and video or it didn’t happen. Might settle for snapshots.

Congrats on making you some lemonade.