HhELLO, THIS IS LAVATORR. “R.L.” (“REAL LIFE”) HAS BEEN A LITTLE DIFFICULT AS OF LATE AND I’VE BEEN DOING SOME TRAVELING, SO I’M STAYING AT HEDGEHOGEY’S PLACE FOR A FEW DAYS(THAT’S WHY I’M POSTING FROM THIS ACCOUNT). THE ANCIENT VICTORIAN ROWHOUSE HE LIVES IN INCLUDES A STORAGE/BOILER ROOM CAPABLE OF EMULATING THE KIND OF TEMPERATURES I’M USED TO. I APPRECIATE HEDGE ATTEMPTING TO RECREATE THE TRADITIONAL SLEEPING QUARTERS OF MY PEOPLE ALTHOUGH I SHOULD POINT OUT THAT WHEN I’M ON THE MAT I JUST SEE A TRAINING PARTNER AND PERSON, AND DO NOT DISCRIMINATE AS TO WETHER OR NOT HE IS A SMALL, FRAGILE BAG OF EASILY MELTABLE FLESH.
HA HA. THAT’S A JOKE.
ANYWAY I’VE RECENTLY BEEN CROSSTRAINING AT A LOCAL JUDO DOJO AS I’VE HEARD THAT ONE’S “GRAPPLE” ISN’T COMPLETE UNLESS YOU HAVE BOTH THE THROWS OF JUDO AND THE GROUNDWORK OF GRACIE/BRAZILIAN JU JUTSU.
HOWEVER ALL THE MOVEMENTS FEEL RATHER AWKWARD TO ME. I CAN’T SEEM TO GET MANY OF THE TECHNIQUES IN RANDORI/FREE SPARRING. WHAT THROWS SHOULD I BE FOCUSING ON FOR MY BODY TYPE?
THAT BODYTYPE BEING A VAGUELY HUMANOID MASS OF ANIMATED, SENTIENT LAVA, ABOUT SIXTY FEET TALL. SHOULD I BE USING MY HEIGHT TO EFFECT FOOT SWEEPS/“ASHI WAZA” OR SHOULD I ADOPT A MORE RIGID STANCE DUE TO MY ABILITY TO LITERALLY FUSE MY FEET TO THE TATAMI/MAT?
ALSO ARE THERE ANY OTHER TIPS YOU HAVE FOR A “NOOB” TO JUDO? I HEAR THERE IS QUITE A BIT OF TURTLING INVOLVED. IS DROPPING A BOULDER FORMED FROM SUDDENLY COOLED IGNEOUS ROCK, THE SOURCE OF WHICH IS YOUR OWN MUTABLE BODY WHICH IS ITSELF COMPOSED OF MASSES OF HELLISH MOLTEN LAVA AND TOXIC FUMES,* ONTO YOUR OPPONENT WHO IS TURTLED LEGAL UNDER JUDO RULES?
FIGURE 1: THIS IS ME IN THE SHISSENTAI OR “NATURAL POSTURE”
OF JUDO
*YOU MAY RECALL THAT MY BODY’S TENDENCY TO SOLIDIFY HAS BEEN A SOURCE OF EMBARRASSMENT TO MYSELF AS WELL AS ELIMINATING ME IN THE SEMIFINALS OF THE BJJ WHITE BELT DIVISION I ENTERED WHEN MY ARM COOLED TOO MUCH AND BECAME FROZEN IN AN EXTENDED POSITION WHICH THE REFEREE MISTOOK FOR A FULLY EXTENDED ARMBAR. I HAVE SINCE COME TO ACCEPT THIS FACET OF MYSELF AND KNOW THAT I AM BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT.
SIR BUDOKAa I THINK IT WOULD BE VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO CATCH ANY FORM OF STD AS THE SEVERAL HUNDRED KELVIN TEMPERATURE OF MY BODY CREATES A VERY HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT FOR ANY FORM OF VIRUS TO THRIVE IN ALTHOUGH THAT WOULD CREATE A NEW DEFINITION OF THE WORD “FLAMING” HA HA
ANYWAY I LOVE POONTANG OR AT LEAST I AM FAIRLY SURE I WOULD IF I COULD FIND A WOMAN WHO DID NOT SCREAM AND ASPHYXIATE WHEN I GET CLOSE TO HER. HEDGEHOGEY HOWEVER HAS PROMISED TO TAKE ME TO “DA CLUB” TOMMOROW DESPITE MY CHRONIC SHYNESS SO WE WILL SEE HOW LAVATORR FARES THEN WHEN HE SHOWS HIS DANCE MOVES
I was going to say that you should avoid sacrifice throws because you’d end up in the lava, but then I realized that wouldn’t matter if you’re a lava monster yourself. But you should still watch out for AIDS needles and broken glass.
Earned.[/quote]
Hedge isn’t LAVATORR. His lavaness has found a clever way to get back online after the exile. It sucks when monsters become human in my opinion.
But you’re right in the sense that LAVATORR was always the ‘real’ best poster ever. After all, are we not defined by our greatest trolls?
