Very funny utube video

Oh this is where you post the funny stuff. I was on the newbie forum doing it, oops my bad! Anyway This video is very funny, so if you pee your pants, or cry in pain, don’t blame me, it’s not my video.

YouTube - karate funny hilarious blooper

I never want to learn to fight this way. LOL

It’s very old and it has been posted too many times as it is.

MA jokes

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and --WHACK!!-- knocks him right off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, “That was a kung fu chop from China.” The little guy thinks “GEEZ,” but he gets back up on the stool and continues what he was doing when all of a sudden-WHACK!!-- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, “That was a karate chop from Japan.” The little guy, not wanting any trouble,and thinking this guy is nuts, gets up off the floor, grabs his beer and moves a few seats further down the bar, and continues to sip at his beer. All of a sudden, --WHACK!!-- without warning, he feels this foot kick him upside the head and he goes sprawling to the floor once again. The big dude says with a smile, “That’s kickboxing from Thailand.” The little guy, having had enough of this gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. He had been gone for about an hour when he returned, and without saying a word, walks up behind the big dude and-WHACK!!!-- knocks the big dude off his stool and lays him out cold! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, “When he comes to, tell him that’s a crowbar from Sears.”

A Fishy Tale

   [I]A millionaire Tang Soo Do Master always had a party every year for his new Black Belts       to challenge them. As they were gathered around the huge swimming pool the master said,       "This pool is filled with man-eating sharks; anyone brave enough to jump in and swim all the       way across can have one of three things: my lovely daughter in marriage, half my liquid cash       or all my oil wells." Just then he heard a loud splash and turned to see a young Black Belt       swimming frantically across the pool and coming out the other side with only torn clothing. 
  "Amazing", he said, "you're the first one to ever try it. What do you want...
  "My daughter?" 
  "No", replied the student. 
  "Half my liquid cash?" 
  "No", he replied. 
  "Ahh, then all my oil wells?" 
  "No", replied the student. 
  "Then what do you want?" the master asked. 
  The young man replied, "I want to know who the Hell pushed me in the pool!!!!" [/I]


Personal Safety Tips

By Neil Ohlenkamp

In today’s crime-ridden world, personal safety is more important than ever. Here are some tips to help you protect yourself:[LIST=1]

  • Pickpockets thrive in large, crowded areas where they can blend in and strike unnoticed. Stick to dark, isolated alleyways.
  • Always check the backseat before getting in your car. If a menacing-looking man is hiding there, get a girlfriend or coworker to accompany you.
  • In the event that you are mugged, don't bother the police -- call your mother immediately.
  • When venturing out in public, cover your genitals with both hands while scurrying furtively from place to place.
  • Carry mace with you at all times. This medieval spiked ball is ideal for fending off would-be attackers.
  • If forced to fight, keep the opponent from getting a grip and hope for a penalty.
  • Going everywhere in an oversized hamster ball is a good way to ensure your safety. Be sure to avoid geysers, though.
  • Try to live in close proximity to the Batman.
  • If mugged, take the opportunity to do a little comedic "mugging" of your own. Gesticulate wildly and say, "Oh, no!"
  • Take a women's self-defense class. It won't protect you from an armed attacker, but you'll get a chance to bond with your "sisters."
  • Instead of a real wallet, carry a gag one that shoots ink or confetti when you open it. That'll show Mr. Mugger!
  • If you go jogging, wear sweatpants that say "Do Not Rape" on the ass and crotch.
  • Keep in mind that it's hard to rob someone who has taken the precautionary measure of setting him or herself ablaze.
  • If you must walk alone at night, appear as "street-wise" as possible by dressing like a prostitute.
  • According to the NRA, the best form of personal protection is to be in possession of a loaded firearm at all times. To ensure your personal safety, stay the hell away from NRA members.
  • Remember -- you can't get attacked by anyone if you preemptively attack everyone you encounter first (this is known as the Bush Doctrine).[/LIST][B]Judo Techniques You May Not Have Seen Before[/B]

    die otoshi – you know this will be the next throw when you step on your sensei’s foot by accident.
    nippon sode sasae tsuri komi harai goshi – while holding the sleeve you block, lift, pull and sweep the hip, and in the process learn Japanese.
    o soto – when your spouse puts you in the doghouse after being out too much with your Judo buddies (literally “major outside”).
    no mind – your state of mind when you must get up in front of the class to demonstrate a technique.
    kuchi waza – what the old-timers practice (“mouth technique”).
    ouchy mata – an attempted uchi mata (inner thigh throw) where the attacking leg comes straight up the middle.
    hernia nage – variation of ura nage which occurs when uke’s weight is at least twice that of tori’s.
    ouchi gari – while performing major inner reaping, the top of tori’s head strikes uke’s face, thereby adding to the kuzushi (ouch!).
    nidan ashi waza – 2-legged sprint for cover.
    ku ichi ichi – one-finger 911 technique.

    Requirements for 11th Degree Black Belt
    (Master of Judo)

    Further requirements:

    • [B]Must be able to walk on water (while it is in liquid form).[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to disable a man using only a Kleenex tissue as a weapon.[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to make up meaningless Zen koans on the spot.[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to catch a fly with chopsticks.[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to defeat multiple masked ninja movie warriors after they disclose their evil plans to you and leave you to die in an easily escapable situation.[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to voice over a Godzilla movie properly (i.e. coordination between the movement of the lips and the voice).[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to take a bullet (not in the chest of course but maybe in the foot or something).[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to make your own nuclear device with a piece of bubble gum, a pencil, some coconuts, and an alarm clock.[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to change into a judogi in a phone booth at any given moment.[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to sing Karaoke.[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to use nature to your advantage (e.g. sick a dog on the enemy, throw stones at him, climb a tree and hide...)[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to fight blindfolded and win (against blind competitors of course).[/B]
    • [B]Must have completed a course in "Basic Samurai Sushi".[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to choreograph street fights for Jackie Chan movies.[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to use an opponent's skill as a reason for defeat.[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to keep all bleeding internal.[/B]
    • [B]Must be able to trim an entire forest into a bonsai garden in 25 minutes or less.[/B]
    [B]Note: Laughing at any time will disqualify the potential 11th dan. If a member of the Senior Board of Examiners makes a comment and then waits expectantly, it may be an indication that he has just made a joke. A half-smile may be tried at this time, but in no other instance. [/B]
  • Please go back to newbie town… or better yet go here:
    www.martialartsplanet.com

    They will love you.

    why are you posting?

    Because I look good hittting the “submit reply” button :owneddanc

    What kind of wood is this?

    LOL

    Yea it won’t break in half, what kind of wood is this anyway. LOL Hi-ya, wait let me try that again. Hi-ya, ouch. Hi-ya, damn what kind of wood is this? Ok let me try that again, grabs a chain saw. LOL.

    not talking to you, talking to OP.

    Yep

    Which means orgianl poster, see I’m wise I know what it means. LOL, that would be me.
    Why am I posting. I am posting because I am bored and have too much time on my hands and also I wanted to share some MA humor with people since this is the MA funny forum.

    Aaaaawwwwww… isn’t that sweet. You found a “funny video” and think it’s “new”. You’re adorable. Like small, brain-dead mammal sort of adorable. I wouldn’t keep you or anything but I’d certainly gawk as you were displayed in a mall pet shot for a little bit as I sipped my Orange Julius.

    Yeah, I know, but I couldn’t lower myself by replying to her again. :dark1:

    I cannot believe that the OP is a woman. Do female nerds with Aspergers exist?

    TKD4Ever get the fuck out of my website you bastard. And also, stop fucking messaging me on Skype. Cock sucker.

    Apparently. Judging by this thread.

    On a side: I teach a little girl with mild aspergers.

    She chucked a tantrum today. I cant hear out my left ear.

    Aww… just like… aww thats fucked up. I’m sorry I have a thing with like… god whats the word… special kids. Totally bums me out. You’re a fuckin trooper.

    I hate special people.

    and midgets

    and people with weird physical anomolies.

    yes, i’m a bad person.

    Awww. Where I do judo there is a youngster with Downs syndrome and a couple of what could best be decribed as intellectually challenged individuals. The Downs kid is nice and we sometimes let him win randoris and he thinks it’s great. The intellectually challenged individuals, no fucking way, they step out of line they get (gently) owned.

    ps I do not go to a “special needs” Judo class (as far as I know)

    You dudes are giant douchebags. I worked with physically and sexually abused kids for a few years. Some of them were special needs kids also, and I must say it was one of the most rewarding experiances in my life.

    ps I do not go to a “special needs” Judo class (as far as I know)

    You do. Now you know (and knowledge is power!)

    You dudes are giant douchebags. I worked with physically and sexually abused kids for a few years. Some of them were special needs kids also, and I must say it was one of the most rewarding experiances in my life.

    Get over yourself. And if that’s not possible, get over a midget. Because, you know, they’re shorter.