Your father and I have been thinking about this whole situation and would like for you to come home for a visit. We’ll talk with you away from the influence of those meshugas you’ve gotten yourself involved with where you can’t think for yourself, you just let those vercochte people do it for you. We’ll have a nice family gathering, where all your aunts and uncles and the cousins can see you again after so much time. Some home cooked meals, shopping for new clothes so you have something decent to wear instead oif that ridiculous shmata you parade around in all the time, maybe a little talk with some of your friends from school, who knows what could come of it…
Remember my son, we love you, and blood is thicker than water.
What the f***are you doing with those douchebags in California anyway?
I can give you a great job - lotsa money, fancy cars, girls galore (you do like girls dontcha?) If it’s a group you wanna join, I can get you in. All youse gotta do is become a made man…you know, do one whack job to prove you got da guts to be a part of our organization.
The work ain’t too hard, youse just gotta keep people in line, make a weekly money pick up, and we’ll go to great eyetailan restaurants and eat and drink wid our goombas.
We are family, and we protect our own. Dose guys in da land of fruits and nuts - fuggedaboutit.