Turning 44 and I still get played like I was 20. I have officially learned nothing.
Time to put my energy somewhere worthwhile.
TRAINING GOALS:
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Work up to drinking the whole 5th of Stoli in one sitting.
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Don’t look at women.
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Get in as many fights as possible.
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Don’t sit next to women on the bus.
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Double my income by any means necessary.
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Train Judo
Welcome to come down here for a change of pace and some training.
Sucks bro. The mat will never lie to you!
[quote=War Wheel;2365310]TRAINING GOALS:
3) Get in as many fights as possible.
[/quote]
I escpecially like this one.
Hire someone to follow you around with a video camera.
Also, good luck and all that.
I can help you with 1 and 3!
When my mood is not so unspeakably foul… that would rock.
[quote=War Wheel;2365310]TRAINING GOALS:
-
Work up to drinking the whole 5th of Stoli in one sitting.
-
Don’t look at women.
-
Get in as many fights as possible.
-
Don’t sit next to women on the bus.
-
Double my income by any means necessary.
-
Train Judo[/quote]
IF you do #1, then progress to #2 and #4, inevitably, #3 will happen.
You should know.
[quote=DerAuslander108;2198804]What I am about to say is not law. It is not gospel. It may not work for you at all. It is culled from a decade’s worth of experience working in the industry, and putting that to use elsewhere. It is my own experience, it is the experience of friends and people who’s advice or example I found useful. Some of you will find this useful. Some won’t. Some will agree. Some will hate every word I have to say (mostly because it condemns everything you stand for as a human being, so here’s a pre-emptive STFU…SHUT THE FUCK UP!)
DerAuslander’s Number One Rule - BE A MAN!
1. Get your shit straight.
Take the whole “be yourself” thing, wad it up, wipe your ass with it, and flush it.
Why?
Because I don’t like you.
Chances are you don’t like yourself either.
I have the death sentence on 5 systems.
So be careful.
Obligatory Star Wars reference to get the geeks chuckling and thinking “Hey, Auslander’s like us, and he’s had intimate knowledge of labial depths, so we can do it too!” now aside…
Get your shit straight.
Is there someone for everyone? Definitely. Some of you will just have to pay, or settle for something atrocious. But hey, if that works out for you, I’m not going to hate.
Sit up straight. Shave. Shower. Work out. Do not fucking pop your collar. Ball caps worn 12 or 6, none of this 2:30pm shit. Be a man, not some whiny emo-ass motherfucker. Take care of your business.
Not because confidence attracts women, but because you annoy me.
Do you want to be a man, or an overgrown boy? Both can get laid, but one is completely worthless and should be post-natally aborted. Seriously, I know a Mexican hairdresser by the name of Jose who likes to take it in the ass & cuddle with his bear…WHO IS MORE OF A MAN THAN THE MAJORITY OF YOU. This dude went straight wrong side of the tracks in Mexico City on some buff, pop-collared, BMW driving Alpha male poster child who decided to shove my sister around in a DC club. All the while yelling “Oh no! Joo don’t get to touch her!” like his name was Hennifer Lopez. (NOTE: This is while I will be nuking posts relating to “faggotry” and the like, since most of you “fag haters” don’t even cut it as heterosexual men anyway.)
So when I say get your shit straight, I don’t mean GQ (though some of you desperately need some grooming & fashion tips.) I mean, get your shit straight. I mean man the fuck up. Grow up.
The reason why “Be yourself” is bullshit, is because the majority of you don’t have a clue who you are.
Don’t be yourself, but don’t try & be something you aren’t either.
Take the time to invest in yourself. This is especially true if you are just out of a failed relationship like the OP. Just like battered women who keep finding men to abuse them, us guys also end up in patterns, going after women for all the wrong reasons. It took me several years & relationships to figure out “Waitafuckingminute, I’m attracted to this girl because she reminds me of my ex-fiance”. Along the way, I had some great sex, some good times, and some incredibly messed-up relationships.
Do you want to get your dick wet? Do you want a short-term relationship? Do you want to get married? All completely different things.
Some of these things you don’t have to be in a hurry to find out, especially you younger guys who probably shouldn’t even be allowed anywhere near anything with a vagina (Squirli). Some of them, you can find out along the way. Some of you should devote the energy you waste thinking about women to other endeavors, cuz it shows in your douchenozzlery (ED’s note: the term douchebag has been retired). Recognize your imperfections, and work on them.
Talk to DAYoung about the Aristotelian concept of aristos. Be a self-made man. Be the Nietschean ubermensch. Define yourself. Not the definition anyone, society, or parenting, has put on you.
I assume there’s a certain level of “man the fuck up” advice I don’t have to give, since this is Bullshido. I’m going to assume the majority of you have been punched in the face at least once. You’ve learned how to maintain your composure in a fight (if not, fucking log off & get down to a boxing gym).
Learn to maintain your composure when life punches you in the face.
2. Show some fucking class.
Boys, girls, men, women, trees, albatross. Yes, I’ve read a poem, try not to faint. (Obligatory Firefly reference - check).
Get some fucking social graces in your life. Get a sense of how to create, like a sculptor, and start fucking chipping away at what is useless.
Read a book. Read several. Learn to appreciate poetry. Not just the crappy romance shit they forced you to read in high school lit (though you could certainly learn a thing or two from Byron). If you’re in NYC, you need to go to a jam with Vinhthekid & his peoples. Have your horizons expanded (and yes, there will be girls there).
Develop a sense of chivalry.
Not some antiquated, Victorian-England sense of the term, but seriously, make it a habit to do things like open doors for women. Some of them might get pissed off at it, but chances are, you don’t want to be with them anyway. This doesn’t just extend to the hot ones either. Open doors for all of them. The old ones. Little girls. The mom with the stroller. Smile. Say hello. Do not be too badass, too cool, or too much of a douchenozzle to care.
I’m not telling you to be a “Nice Guy”. A Nice Guy has committed the #1 crime;
HE HAS LIED TO HIMSELF.
Remember what Bodhidharma said? The Nice Guy is a fool and will forever remain a fool.
The Nice Guy wills himself to be the doormat, because he has lied to his own internally aggression & masculinity. Either he has done this out of self-decision, or because he has accepted the definition thrust on him by others (Mom, emo-culture, feminism gone wrong). If you are a doormat, it is your fault, not the women around you. Man the fuck up.
But still open doors & carry groceries for little old ladies crossing the street.
Courtesy is not the same as Nice Guyness. Being a gentleman is not about putting on a front, it’s about knowing when it’s time to play by the rules, and when it’s time to write your own rules. You can still be a gentleman & flirt. You just do it with class.
It’s not about being macho. If you have to prove your manhood, it’s because you have emasculated yourself.
The same attitude I cultivated as doorman/bouncer carries over to dealings with women. As the doorman, I was the first face the ladies would see coming into the pub. It was my job to get them to come in, not scare them off by being an asshole. Further, I’m the guy they see on their way out. If I made an impression, they’ll remember me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had girls walk up on their way out the door (sometimes accompanied by other guys) and have them slip me their number, or decide that they needed to give me a good-bye kiss & inform me of where they would be after I got off shift. All of this is just an opening. It’s up to you to pursue.
Be polite. Now, this is Bullshido, so I don’t mean be a fop. Even when you’re polite, you’re still the one dude in the room who can probably dismantle every other guy. You’re not shoving that aside. You have no reason not to be nice, because your niceness is backed up by some not so nice skills.
What do I mean by polite?
I mean polished. Same Latin root. (Remember what I said about reading a book? Do it, motherfucker.) You are polished, like a blade. Still deadly, but shiny too! (Firefly reference #2). Work on your social interaction skills, learn where your strengths and weaknesses lie. It’s not just about learning how to talk to women. Learn how to talk to anybody. Gain that confidence.
Refine yourself.
3. Don’t have an empty life.
By this I mean, decide what it is you believe in, and what it is you stand for.
Don’t need someone else to fill your life. Decide what the things are that you would die for. If getting laid is one of them, you’re a failure and I would appreciate it if you would remove yourself from the world as quickly as possible. There are people who vitally need the resources you are wasting.
4. Respect women.
Don’t worship, and don’t demean.
Be an American man. A classical American man.
Alexis de Tocqueville (read a book, motherfuckers) wrote:
Appreciate beautiful women, but stop being a bunch of fucking cavemen.
If all you want is to get your dick wet, pay for it.
If you want it for relatively less cost, go to a bar, find the girl blatantly putting out signals, and get her drunk.
Don’t be “sensitive”, but don’t be a jackass either. Don’t be a manly man. Just be a man, dammit.
5. Fashion
This is one of the least important ones, and one you can find better advice for elsewhere. Clean yourself up, take care of your body, make sure you look & smell good. I’m more concerned about what you have going on inside, you can find help with your appearance from MJS.
5. Be cool, man.
The most important thing.
I mean this in the classical sense of the word. Relax. Even when you’re making a conscious effort to get a girl’s attention, don’t look like you’re making a conscious effort to get a girl’s attention. This is what people really mean when they say “just be yourself”.
You have to learn to wuwei that shit. However, like Bruce said, you have to first be trained in order to free yourself from your training. This takes us back to Rule #1. Find yourself. Learn your style. You’re not gonna be cool doing something that’s not you. Find yourself so you can be comfortable with yourself. Don’t fake it, but play the man. Practice.
Every jackass I’ve known (including myself), has had to grow out of that jackass or bad boy stage that seems to attract women. Otherwise you end up being that guy. Yeah, him. The 40-year old with the pony tail still trying to be hip. He really pisses me off. (Get the reference, anybody!?!)
Watch some Cary Grant movies. Trust me.
Going back to what I said earlier, learn how to maintain your composure, even when life punches you in the face.
Be smooth.
I’ve met many of you, and the majority of you are good dudes. I say this not to diminish any of you, but rather, just to confess personal admiration.
The finest gentlemen I’ve met here are Maverick & Jack Rusher.[/quote]
From: Here
Byron’s not crap - he’s the Beatles of Romanticism, superficially great but with occasional depth.
DA that’s not bad stuff you got there. Only problem is you learn that from 35+ years of living on the planet. Most of us grew up without a positive male role model in our lives and this is why most boys are like they are now. Take the Jersey Shore douchebags, please.
“We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.” Fight Club reference.
Good post love it.
[quote=Coach Josh;2365381]DA that’s not bad stuff you got there. Only problem is you learn that from 35+ years of living on the planet. Most of us grew up without a positive male role model in our lives and this is why most boys are like they are now. Take the Jersey Shore douchebags, please.
“We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.” Fight Club reference.
Good post love it.[/quote]
Glad you liked it.
I lucked out and had a grandfather who I consider to be one of the last true gentleman. I also had other male role models outside of that. When I wasn’t exactly sure of the kind of man I wanted to be, I could look around and see men who inspired me.
@Der
It is very excellent advice. Every single point is spot on correct. Now let me give you my perspective:
I have dated women for days, weeks, months and years; I have worked in the clubs and played in a band, and had my share of 1 night stands with groupies, barmaids and barpigs; I have chased and even loved women that wanted noting to do with me; I have been married more than once. At this juncture in my life I am at the point where I want nothing further to do with it. Looking back on the whole thing, I do not have as much as a single positive memory to show for any of it. They have completely wasted my time, and now I would like them to simply leave me the fuck alone.
Actually, it is not they who have wasted my time, I have wasted it myself. And now I am done wasting it.
I need to train.
I need to start a business.
I need to publish.
I need to chant the Lotus Sutra.
I need to break some shit.
I need to write more music.
What I do not need is more lies, patronizing attempts at manipulation, children to raise, child support to pay, dishonsty, or psychological warfare. I have had my fill and I will not waste another of my remaining days on it.
I do not hate women. I simply do not want another Human being involved in my life that way, Male, Female or what have you.
And now, as you are fond of reminding me to do, I will shut the fuck up.
Cheers
Sounds good, bro.
Own your life.
Exactly. Thanks for getting it.
Peace
So I tried as an exercise to imagine something positive like starting my own gym, or punching you in the face every time my mind drifts to Women. Once you become mindful of it, it is truly frightening how often and involuntary that is. Hunger = Hell.
I don’t drink so when I was stalking you on the bus I was stone sobers.