Starting my own martial art...

Any advice on where to begin, and how to start a following?

As a long time user I resent my post being labeled “dumb”

too bad you made it stupid then

Don’t be so obvious about your loneliness. It just drives people away.

  1. Have “super deadly secret techniques.” Name them cool, oriental sounding things, preferably after tigers, dragons, mongooses etc. Please note, it doesn’t matter if you don’t really KNOW any super-techniques, because nobodywill ever advance to a high enough level of proficiency to demand you teaching them.

  2. Overcharge. People will believe that higher cost = higher quality.

  3. Have a ton of rituals. Doesn’t matter if they make sense or not, they are essential in brainwashing your victims.

  4. NEVER spar. You are simply too dangerous. Back this up with fabricated stories of defeating Genghiz Khan or 3rd Reich tank columns.

  5. Your style name must consist of at least two Asian languages. Shaolin-Do is a great example.

  6. Get a mullet. If you are a white American, this is the hallmark of a great soke.

  7. Join every phoney “black belt hall of fame” type association in the world. Post your associations on your website.

  8. Have your followers be internet proficient, and then train them to publically denounce every kind of criticism against your person or style every time it comes up on internet message boards.

  9. Refer to yourself as “Grandmaster”, “Soke”, “Sijo”, “Megapimp” or whatever honorific you prefer. Important in establishing your credibility as a Soke.

  10. Have photos taken with famous martial artists, Gene Lebell, Royce Gracie etc. If they refuse to pose with you on account of you being a douchebag, there’s always photoshop. Hell, doctor a photo of you teaching Miyamoto Musashi how to fence.

That should be enough to get your started. Good luck.

What about the insignia? You forgot the insignia!

Clenched fists are good, as are dragons, flying kicks, and dragons doing flying kicks with their fists clenched.

Also, wear an insanley impractical and over-the-top uniform. For Ideas, check out “pimp my Gi” on this website.
The more impractical, the better, if your students think you can fight even wearing a Jabba the hutt suit, they will fear you even more!

And teach a completely useless weapon style, like the bench or that Klingon thing with the bajillion blades.

Or you could have established rank in recognized styles, a verifiable competition record (bonus points for having students with a verifiable competition record), and an open, honest set of business practices.

Nyaah!!! Too much work! He wants his bling now!

Force students to buy videos/DVD of your “seminars” that consist of the same crap you preach with 80s music and some “secret hidden” techniques in your kata.

Get Magic Pants.

Have lots and lots of belts.

Take an Asian name–as above, the more “Asianeses” you can mix in, the better, like “Miyamoto Chung,” or “Prof. Mao Ze Yamaguchi,” or “Ashida Kim.”

Teach EVERYTHING! You are a “traditional Shaolin Kung-Fu” that just so happens to teach:

    1. Kendo/Kenjutsu 2. Ninjitsu 3. Jiu Jitsu . . . spell it "Ju Jutsu" or something like that. 4. Iado 5. Tai-Chi 6. Aikido 7. Reiki 8. "Western Boxing" 9. Grappling

You have, of course, been declared the “All Korean” or “All Okinawan” or “All-Estonian” Kumite champion.

You have won “the Kumite!”

See Blood Sport.

Sell herbal suppliments.

–J.D.

Two words: Anti-Grapple.

Ooo! Forgot that!

Also:

Dim Mak
“Qi Qong” Classes
Black Belt Club
Junior Black Belts

Do not forget to take advantage of your status as “Sifu Hanshi Soke.” Make sure you exploit the cuter female students.

–J.D.

There is a physical law that states that the success of your dojo is directly proportional to the the number of patches on your gi. The success is also proportional to the square of the mustache to headband thickness ratio.

Your school’s webpage should say things like:

“Chosen in the Top 10 Martial Arts Schools in the World!!!”
“World Famous Learn From The Best!!!”

and generally use lots of exclamation marks.

Also, your school should offer free classes, or even a free month of training (don’t worry, your students will pay for it later).

Here you go…

wHY IS THIS GUY BACK?

Omegasan!!!

Reeee Match!

Oh I remember you.

http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=9576

I was going to drive to Chicago to fight you in a challenge match, and then you punked, stopped writing, and disappeared for two years. Now you’re back challenging Omega when you didn’t even have the balls to fight me or return Jeremy’s e-mails at the time. Remember Jeremy? He went by Mig, and was going to meet you so that he could confirm that you were who you said you were, and could sign the fight release paperwork.

Bottom line, you’re word is shit in these parts.

Why don’t you go do something more useful like pimp your slightly used sister over on Game Faqs.

Bullshido is awesome. Daren I know you like to troll on Gamefaqs but this isn’t gamefaqs that shit won’t work here.

Beginning to suspect that. You guys have some good ass memories.

I challenged omega in another topic I think, but it got deleted so I’m going to take off for a while.

Forums that delete your post without screen name or ip banning you/making wity comments are no fun.

Have a camo belt and or gi.
Wear a bandana