Slap-Boxing disturbs me.

Before I started renting space at Memphis Martial Arts Center, I was working out at the YMCA quite a bit. They had a nice big floor with a wall of mirrors - a great space for doing forms, etc.

I was working out there one afternoon and some guy walked in and asked what I was doing. I told him, “Hung Gar Kung Fu.” He said he trained Northern Shaolin and asked if I wanted to do some “slap boxing.” I had never done that before and was hesitant, but I agreed.

We started circling each other and he moved in to slap me. I blocked and reached out to slap him. We did this for about 30 seconds and I finally felt the compulsion to just blast through him with a straight punch to the chest. We kept exchanging slaps and more and more I wanted to just blast through him and end the silliness. I continued to resist this impulse since we had not discussed that possibility in advance. Forutnately, after about 2 minutes he finally became too winded to continue and he had to stop.

For some reason the whole experience was a bit disturbing and I called my sifu to discuss it. I explained what had happened and how I felt compelled to “fight” him and how I also felt compelled to put him down but that I also felt that would not have been fair to put him down since he had proposed we do “slap boxing” instead of “fighting” or “kung fu” or what-have-you…

My sifu told me that I should not have allowed him to dictate the terms of the enagement. He explained to me the trap inherent in that kind of confrontation and that in the future, I would be well within my rights to either refuse the engagement or to agree to it but to do so on my terms, not his. He shared a couple of stories with me and in the end I was inspired.

Now, the following was not his suggestion, per se, but was certainly inspired by him. Here’s my new plan:

Over the next few months, I want to build a suit of armor. It’s going to have heavy plates of spikes on the shoulders, elbows, hands and around the waist, and on the knees and feet. It will also have some spikes sticking out the back and some random ones in other places. The helm will look somewhat like the Witch King’s helmet from Lord of The Rings. (That was the guy that “could not be killed by any man.”)

If someone “calls me out,” I will arrange to meet them at my school at a given time. When they arrive, I will be in the middle of the floor in my armor and helm. I will be holding a sword in one hand and a Glock .40 semiautomatic in the other (with polymer tipped hollow point rounds). The challenger will enter and I will call out to him to sign the Death Waiver already laid out on the counter by the front door.

As soon as he puts the pen down, I will shoot him in the head 6 times and unload the rest of the 10 rounds into his torso.

OK, I admit, I do tend to be an extremist… Maybe I’ll let him come at me before I shoot…

Please forward this to your local law enforcement.

I’m dumber for reading this thread…though smart enough to know that neither you nor your Sifu know jack shit about fighting.

In before Trollshido…

You know who likes to slap box? Gym rat pretty boys who think they know how to fight but can’t take a single real punch without falling to the floor in pain.

This is perhaps the dumbest shit I have ever read. Seems to me the best option is to go ahead and make the armor. Then reenact David Carradine’s final moments.

Everyone else is going to mock you, but I’m going to personally thank you as a fellow Memphian.

You just reassured me that i did the right thing to never check out the Memphis Martial Arts Center or that Shaolin school.

I’m gonna pretend that the op was satire.

It’s too dumb to be real.

Wow! You guys are harsh! Either that, or just not catching the humor! Both? The armor / death waiver is a joke. It’s like taking that idea to the extreme…? It must be just me, but I think it’s hilarious!

You’re an idiot…

No, you’re just painfully unfunny and overanalyzing what’s probably the only sparring you ever get to do. I guess when anything even remotely resembling fighting is so rare (IE you are a kung fu guy) then that kind of sturm und drang is par for the course. But from our perspective you look like the guy who curses himself out every time he taps.

[QUOTE=Ramesses;2703365]Wow! You guys are harsh! Either that, or just not catching the humor! Both? The armor / death waiver is a joke. It’s like taking that idea to the extreme…? It must be just me, but I think it’s hilarious![/QUOTE]

And the shooting him with an entire clip?..

Nothing says “I’m not afraid to get in a fistfight” like a full suit of armor and a gun.

…I thought it was funny. I mean how often do you picture a guy in medieval armor shooting a fucker with a handgun? This might not be the right forum for it though.

[QUOTE=lordbd;2703408]…I thought it was funny…[/QUOTE]

You also called wabbit a scholar.

[QUOTE=ChenPengFi;2703409]You also called wabbit a scholar.[/QUOTE]

Just damn dude, a simple sparring session and you want go all ape shit on anyone who wants spar lol, in a way that guys was being a bit of a douche and you claim to be joking but damn.

[QUOTE=Ramesses;2703365]Wow! You guys are harsh! Either that, or just not catching the humor![/QUOTE] You must be new to the internet.

Both? The armor / death waiver is a joke. It’s like taking that idea to the extreme…? It must be just me, but I think it’s hilarious!
It’s just you. We have had MULTIPLE people talk and use the death waiver BS to make unreal SERIOUS challenges.

Oh and humor involves proper story telling. Writing an essay, with the punchline at the very end, doesn’t work.

[QUOTE=W. Rabbit;2703416][/QUOTE]
This just in, LOLcats officially replace the pun as the lowest form of humor.

[QUOTE=Ramesses;2703365]Wow! You guys are harsh! Either that, or just not catching the humor! Both? The armor / death waiver is a joke. It’s like taking that idea to the extreme…? It must be just me, but I think it’s hilarious![/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=jnp;2703427]This just in, LOLcats officially replace the pun as the lowest form of humor.[/QUOTE]

That sounds rather…

puts sunglasses on

…Catastrophic.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!

Btw, OP’s story requires more moving in with their aunty and uncle in bel-air.