should i decapitate my friend?

my friend is a total dork. he wears corduroy (sp?) jackets, wears these awful aviator sunglasses, looks like a 12 year old boy, has zero game and is an engineering software student. his lameness knows no bounds, but he is a pretty cool guy to get drunk with most of the time.

Not last night. its 9:30am right now and i still want to rip his fucking head off.

Somehow, god knows how, he convinced this girl to go out with him, theyve been together a couple of weeks now. this girl is great, awesome sense of humour, hot, smart, a little off the wall, all the good things. not only did he tell me a few nights ago he was thinking of leaving her (to which i replied “beggars cant be choosers dude and someone just dropped a gold nugget in your hat- dont be a fucking idiot”) but last night was her 21st. we are sitting around at the student bar having a few drinks, his fucking dorky ass friends all leave (im not shitting you, these are the kind of guys who were cycling to school when everyone else had a car, and say things like pwned out loud) and he leaves HIS GIRLFRIEND on her 21st to have dinner with them. my jaw hit the floor, and so did hers- i spent the next half hour convincing her not to drop his sorry ass.

After shes calmed down, we take off and meet one of her friends and go get some food. im being my usual loud hilarious self, her and her friend are almost bricking their pants laughing. the friend takes off after trying to convince me to go back to her place and failing (i normally would but i couldnt leave my mates girl in the middle of town by herself) and we go back to my place where she proceeds to make the most obvious advances in the world, and because i have such a retarded sense of loyalty to this schmuck i fended her off and gave her a few drinks to calm her down before my friend finally turned up again. and to make him a little more attractive maybe. we end up going to the clubs but i cant stay for more than about half an hour because i am fucking livid at this guy, not just for being stupid but for putting me in such a shitty situation, i mean who the fuck leaves their girl on her 21st, and what kind of moron leaves her with a guy like ME to get drunk. jesus h motherfucking christ, nobody give me a gun.

you moron.

he left you with her so he’d have a reason to dump her.

you should have fucked her rotten.

To be honest… none of it was your responsibility… she is a big girl and if her boyfriend is a douche, its up to her to figure that out. You should have gone out and done your own thing… just my opinion.

BUT WHUT ABOUT BROS B4 HOES AND SUCH???

that just means his friend can’t get mad at him. :slight_smile:

What she said. I’m kinda like you in the idiot department when it comes to loyalty for friends, but man, you friend is a fucking moron. He wanted to dump her to begin with. And he left her alone on her 21st.

No matter how much you care for him, you can’t make him appreciate the gold nugget he’s trying to dump. He’s gonna have to learn the hard way. If I were you, I would not try to teach him the values of virile manhood. Goes in through one hear, comes out like a long-due fart through the other. :5badair:

Tell him, though, that if he doesn’t want the girl, you are gonna go for it if the chance presents itself again. And if the chances comes, go for it. That’ll teach your friend a lesson and maybe he’ll stop his nerdy ways.

i got that vibe but theres no fucking way im doing that. i often take my mates girlfriends out dancing etc because they feel safe leaving me with them and know that ill show them a good time without taking it too far. justified or not, that would be pretty much broken if i fucked one of them, obviously.

BROS AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE TARDS!!!

Man, you’ve got such a hard life, Alex.

look… what trust is there to break if he’s leaving you with something that is unimportant to him? if it was somebody he cared about… well… he wouldn’t have put you in the situation you were in, Alex–no guy would bail out on a girl if there were celebratory fucks to be had, not if he were remotely interested. this girl means nothing.

fuck her.

You don’t want to hit that unless they are married.

Remember boys. Always plant your seed in occupied territory. That way if it sprouts, some other guy has to raise your swimmers.

If you decapitate him, need I remind you to video it? Then we can do a vote off when Sirc strangles his thief.

I’m not egging you on in any illegal, inciting you to homicide way. I just think it would make great Internet.

i couldnt care less about any kind of trust with him right now, im talking about with my other friends.

yeah, youre right. the guy is a fucking chump and i should just have sex with his girlfriend, but I just cant get around the idea that he isnt interested. i mean, this girl is great and he is the biggest fucking dork in the world. this kind of opportunity is never going to come along again unless he becomes super rich or something. im off to training to smash the bejesus out of some newbies to make myself feel better.

if it worries you… invite your other friends to go “family style” on her. then they can’t say shit to you.

Have you considered that possibly your friend is gay for you? That’s why he’s not interested in the girl. He left the girl behind with you as a test of your love and you passed with flying (rainbow) colours.

Fuck you Alex. I try to hook you up with a nice girl and you fuck it up and post about it on the internet.

Also, one of the things I did after college was stop hanging out with anyone that didn’t actively contribute to me having a good time when we hung out, or irritated me out of proportion to how much entertainment they provided me. Your anecdotes give me the feeling you’d benefit from this policy.

Now, now, don’t be getting all nostalgic on us Fes.

Death is too merciful. For all your troubles, get him completely shitfaced and find him a swamp beast to slay. Take a picture before the terrible deed to remind how ungrateful he was.

Dammit, you beat me to it. The dude’s obviously a butt slammer. Nerdy guys don’t blow off hot chicks unless they’re banging the whole football team. Then, maybe. You’re missing a gold nugget dropped in YOUR lap. Do her like a dirty whore. Video or it didn’t happen.