parents relationships on their kids relationships

Reviews, Videos, and Everything Else The Finer Things
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so i thought this thread might bring a bit of insightful discussion to the table. its something im quite interested in myself ever since we touched on it in psych at uni.

Basically how this goes- describe your parents, their relationship with each other, and how it affects your relationships that you have had.

My Dad is the kind of guy who is laid back and pretty slow to anger. he works mostly being in charge of small teams of people (hes a contractor in the mines/oil rigs in the aussie outback) and has done similar kind of work most of his life as a sparkie. He is very level headed because of it. He is a very smooth talker and a lot more intelligent than you might expect from someone doing his job- i dont think i have ever seen him get asked a question and not have an answer. While he is laid back, if someone tries to take advantage, he fucks them over. I have seen him on more than one occasion calmly drag someone over a counter and explain to them what was going to happen if they didnt do their job right.

my mum is an absolute nutcase. she worked as a mental health nurse for 20 years before she got into teaching (after completing a masters in molecular biology- shes also a bit of a genius) where she was constantly told off for things like wearing different coloured shoes and ribbons all through her hair. she is very quick to anger but her anger subsides after a few minutes. she doesnt cook, doesnt clean, or do any of the things a good wife is supposed to do and she argues with my dad incessantly. while she is very independent she is also fragile, which is where my dad will step in and start making people feel very uncomfortable.

Their relationship has always been pretty fiery. my dad is a master of annoying people and loves a reaction while my mum is as stubborn as anything. However they have been married for 30 years and they will still go out on dates, or sit around doing mushy shit, send each other dirty txts, etc etc. I was always surprised when i went to my friends houses at how cold their parents relationships seemed to be- no passion or fire.

This has had a pretty obvious effect on me. I have never been drawn to “good wife material”- the girls i find myself attracted to are like my mum (freud is on the edge of his seat right now) i.e. crazy, stubborn, independent and at the same time fragile. I’m not completely like my dad- im more open and exuberant than he is, and more of a social person. But I am similar in that i have a confidence in myself that I dont feel the need to prove- i dont get into fights, and im more likely to let things slide., not due to fear/doormat syndrome, but because i dont care what others think of me.

My relationships have almost all been fairly short. Either I find a woman too clingy, or they are after something else (Because of what I do and how I look, girls mistake me for being an asshole, and are dissapointed when im not some kind of bad boy). My one long term relationship was with a girl who i would have described as perfect, but unfortunately too young, possibly on both our parts. And sadly for me, the general consensus from people i have met is that i appear and act much older than i am- this is usually followed by a feeling of regret, because i would rather act younger and be looking for the kind of relationship most guys in their early 20s are after, as opposed to what i usually look for which is a long term commitment.

among my friends i would contrast this with one whos parents never got married (he is a cheater, has cheated on most of his girlfriends, and despite having several long term relationships doesnt seem to think of them as actual commitments) and one whos parents broke up (has had one girlfriend for a while now… because she is low, low maintenance, any kind of trouble and he would be out of there in a jiffy)

another friend whos parents are together but dont talk to each other has a disdain for women, and attempts to be cynical regarding them (despite being the biggest coddled sissy i know so he cant pull it off very well)

sadly i dont seem to have many close friends whos parents are like mine, probably because i wouldnt get along with another cocky asshole like me :smiley:

DISCUSSION

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one of my earliest memories of my parents…

i had to be in kindergarten…

and these girls were talking about making their barbies have sex with each other.

not knowing what it was, but not wanting to look clueless… i wait until i get home so i could ask my mother.

she says to me: “you know those movies your dad leaves on when he falls asleep after drinking? that’s what sex is.”

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<— test tube baby

4

My parents were married for about a decade before they had kids, so they have always been very comfortable with each other (they’re coming up on 40 years of marriage), and slid back into life with each other after their nest was empty.

My sister is the model of healthy relationships. Married her high school sweetheart after being with him for like 7 years. They’ve been together for over 10 now. They’re disgustingly happy.

I’m a total fucking mess with women. I like lots of girls, but very rarely love. My relationships rarely last longer than a month or two, and I’ve only had one make it to six months, though one other was almost 6. With what I do now, it’s hard to meet women that aren’t fucked up, and it’s hard to relate to the good ones when you really can’t talk about work besides general bs.

Part of why my relationships don’t work out is my inability to relate to civilians, but I have some fatal flaws: I love strong, independent, temperamental women. For about a month. And then I grow tired.

Also, I’m kind of a prick sometimes. That’s probably not helpful.

5

My mother was the ocean, and my father was a wolf.
I’m not sure exactly how that’s affected my relationships.

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No disbelief, you?? Never!

My parents have been married over 30 years. Some days I wonder how they made it this far. They love each other and have always been faithful which is something I admire, however they have that little nit-picking/irritable way of getting under each other’s skin for the smallest things. I’ve been mediating their fights since I was about 6 years old and more than 20 years on they still drag me into their bickering to be referee. Love them though! I learnt forgiveness and positivity from my mum and how to psyche people out and generally be an arrogant little go-getter from my dad. :love4:

I’m not going to even think about how all that affected my relationship behaviour.

7

Who are you again? I get you three or four female posters confused so easily.

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Oh before the Christmas name change I was FickleFingerofFate.

9

Oh, I thought you were aardvark for some reason.

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Easy mistake to make. You’re forgiven.

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My dad never wanted to grow up, so had a midlife crisis and had an affair with a woman half his age. My 19 year old brother cheats in all his relationships now, and i struggle, but due to mum being such a faithful person i try follow after her, its a stuggle though lol.

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I’ll make it short and sweet.

Both parents are musically talented, like really fucking talented.

My mom is a nut job and an emotional wreck. She’s goes from hot to cold in a millisecond and ANYTHING can set it off. She’s like a deadly Panda though, you just always want to hug her. She’s constantly working, and always thinks about making everyone but her self happy.

My dad never had a dad so… yeah parenting wise I’m still pretty sure he doesn’t know wtf he’s doing. We never talk honestly with each other and he’s an alchi (hurray dysfunction!) but he has his moments. He’s a hard worker, a fucking spectacular pianist (he’ll never admit it but if the fucker practiced like he used to he could smoke Evgeny Kissin), and you can’t stay mad at him (trust me, I’ve tried).

Both are sort of pansies, so instead of learning an instrument (could’ve, would’ve, should’ve, yeah yeah I know I’m a tard) I’ve taken up to fighting. I’m kind of the black sheep so yeah…

Relationships? Ehh, they’re divorced so my train of thought is avoid the stupid shit they did when they were together. Not really trying to follow after two people that split.

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She is my feminine alter-ego.

Or masculine alter-ego.

I forget.

I’ve got a condition.

I get confused sometimes.

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fixed

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that’s pretty much MY story… only i married my husband right after high school… and he wasn’t a fellow student.

I’m a total fucking mess with women. I like lots of girls, but very rarely love. My relationships rarely last longer than a month or two, and I’ve only had one make it to six months, though one other was almost 6. With what I do now, it’s hard to meet women that aren’t fucked up, and it’s hard to relate to the good ones when you really can’t talk about work besides general bs.

Part of why my relationships don’t work out is my inability to relate to civilians, but I have some fatal flaws: I love strong, independent, temperamental women. For about a month. And then I grow tired.

Also, I’m kind of a prick sometimes. That’s probably not helpful.

what the hell do you do and why can’t you talk about it?

also… do you really think that the type of job a person has makes them the type of person they are?

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My dad was a biker and my mom was (is) a hippie. When I was five, my mom became a born-again jesus freak. She left my dad because he refused to give up the life.

My mom, though she became a christian, had a mean streak a mile long. She rarely worked, and raised us on welfare. She would cheat her own family out of money when she could and was very abusive to my siblings and I . My older brother and sister were put into fosster care because she couldn’t take care of them. Actually, so was I at one point, but she was slick enough to give us all different last names, so I got out. I basically raised myself, and helped support the rest of the family when I was fifteen.

My dad was a drug dealer. He dealed, used, and worked on bikes. He was one of the most honest, sensitive, kindest, er, biker drug dealers I’ve known. Against my moms wishes, I would spend as much time with him as I could. I would have to say he sucked as a father though, and he took me with him on drug runs, I would watch as him and his customers shot up. He died from an overdose when I was sixteen.

I love my mom dearly, and miss my dad very much. But I can’t trust women, and i hate hippies. It seems I’ve inherited my moms mean streak and my dads recklessness. However, when my son was born, I decided I would be the best dad ever, and I have to say, I’m doing a damn good job.

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Actually my brother in law is older than my sister, and they didn’t go to high school together, but they started dating while my sister was in high school, so I assume it counts.

In my case, my job defines me pretty well as a person. And it’s classified. So there you go.

18

then… that IS my story. exactly.

In my case, my job defines me pretty well as a person. And it’s classified. So there you go.

well… you KNOW that your relationships aren’t gonna last…

why not try something different and lie about what you do for a living?

make your job seem really uninteresting… and talk about it with great length.

if you decide she’s “the one”, then you can talk to her about what you really do… or NOT… because since it’s probably some military crap, you probably wouldn’t be doing that particular job for the rest of your life anyway.

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Or I could keep doing what I’m doing, since I’m perfectly happy with my life the way it is.

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i was under the impression that you weren’t… since you described your dealings with women as “a total mess.”

nevermind, then.