My act of drunken stupidity in Thailand

(or one of at least)

So I recently went on an impromptu two week vacation to Thailand, a last minute birthday present to myself.

I ended up on the tiny island of Ko Phi Phi. (yeah, its prenounced Ko P P) And there happens to be this bar there, called the Reggae bar. Why its called that i dunno, it has nothing distinctly reggae about it, but what they do have is a boxing ring right in the center of the bar.

After sitting down to chat with a large group of ladies, and having a few beers, a fellow came around with a sign trying to get people to volunteer to fight in the ring. You get a free bucket of whiskey if you win. A brit fellow about my height/weight volunteered first, and so when they came around to me, I decided, what the hell, why not? My judgement was probably impaired by said alcohol, but i figured he most likely didn’t know what he was doing, and I kinda do. Oh, I should mention that the ladies at his table were much better looking then the ones at mine, so I figured it was a good way to get their attention and a good excuse to go talk to them.

So it comes time to step up and lo and behold, mr brit decides to chicken out. Apparently my bespectacled and massive frame of 155 and 5’11" was too intimidating? So instead, they bring in a ringer burmese guy, who the ladies describe as having a 10 pack. Luckily he’s alot shorter than me.

We only go three rounds at 3 mins a round, no elbows, no knees, with what felt like a long break between rounds, i’m unsure, i’m used to 1min, i think it was 1:30 - 2mins. One scary thing to note, is no mouthguards.

First round was pretty fun, I stayed mostly at range and tagged him with push kicks, but I let him get in close and he managed to bloody my nose, though i didn’t realize it til my buddy pointed it out at the end of the round.

Second round, I knock him on his ass with the ole superman punch.

Third round was alot of clinching, but that doesn’t really get you anywhere when you can’t knee, which is too bad since i was winning the clinches.

Final Result…Draw (blah, I actually felt like i lost, but people who watched it thought i won)

So what was so stupid about that, you may ask? Well somewhere in what i think may have been the first round, i threw a right roundhouse from too far away, and hit him with my foot instead of my shin. It felt funny, but the combination of alcohol and booze kept me from feeling much pain.

Anyway, after the fight, i did ask for a bag o ice and went and sat down next to the brit who backed out and his finer ladies, and resumed drinking once my stomach settled a bit. After some drinking and failed wooing and the place is clearing out, i’m actually starting to sober up a little, so we decide to head back to the hotel on the far end of the island.

When I stand i realize my foot is in alot of pain, more pain then i’ve ever felt from sparring sessions before. But whatcha gonna do on an island at 4:30am? So hobble, hobble i go, and unfortunately i guess i’m out at ladyboy hour, where they all accost me trying to get me to go for a ‘massage’, and i’m unable to just walk on past them, i’m forced to go at a snails pace. My buddy laughs, and then just leaves me in the dust, the jerk. Though i do manage to make it back without getting groped, yay.

So stupid me, I broke my foot on my fourth day in Thailand, and i was gonna be there for two weeks.

So you didn’t go back early? And don’t lie about not sampling the ladyboys.

Ladyboys are really scary, much like tranvestites in the U.S., they tend to be the worst possible body types that decide to become ladyboys. They all tend to have a combination of bad traits: Very tall, broad shoulders, visible adam’s apples, manfaces and/or overly husky voices, basically Serena Williams types.

And no, i didn’t go back early, i didn’t want to miss the full moon party. So i just let it swell up to about twice its size, and tried to keep off of it as much as possible, either by taking scenic boat rides or hanging in pools or at the beach.

You need alot of alcohol to solve that problem…

Your first mistake was going to Thailand.

And number two was paying a ladyboy for a happy ending.

I know, most of them will do it for free.

no mouthguard? bugger that, i like my teeth how they are

Mmmmm . . . . Serena Williams . . . . Venus Williams . . .

but the combination of alcohol and booze kept me from feeling much pain.

You had both?

EWWW! Those two things are not women.

I fucked up my ankle really bad by kicking something when i was drunk and on acid. I then walked on it for several hours in my drug-induced invincible state. When we sat down to smoke some weed, I couldn’t walk on it after. That’s a hell of a way to end a trip, not to mention going to the hospital and lying to doctors why i look so fucked up.

Oh and when I was in the philippines, i was exploring the jungle behind my uncles place and slipped on some slimy concrete. I landed right on my knee and fucked it up pretty good for about a week or so. That put a bit of a damper on the vacation.