Dear treasured bullshidokas,
It’s that time of year when you realise in the midst of all the gay hilarity of the season that it’s time to remove your colleague from the unending misery that is his/her life. Now my question is not how to dispose of the miscreant, although festive methods such as using the tinsel to garrotte the bastard are always appreciated, no, it’s is there some special ettiquette that should be followed at this time of year?
For example, when poisoning the sad little man from accounts, does it matter whether you poison the red or the white wine and is ground glass in the champagne “so last season” or not? Do you spare your colleague the misery of the after-dinner speeches by eviscerating them during the starter or is it more polite to dispose of them in the hat-check area at the end of the party?
I’ve searched the internet to no avail, so I thought I’d bring this minor problem to you, the sage members of bullshido.
Merry christmas and god bless every one of us. Remember, murder is for life, not just for christmas and don’t drink and mutilate!
Talk to PRIDE and try to get a fight with me. Sakuraba did it, so why shouldn’t you be able to?
This stupid thread made me a sad panda.
I believe that if eradicating an unpopular person, the best time would be just as they come to recieve their “lifetime achievement” award.
Something along the lines of Curare should be used to immobilise him first, so that more time can be spent on crowd pleasing sadism. Taking requests is quite acceptable, but limit it to one per table so everyone gets a go.
you guys… this stuff is sick. really. for fuck’s sake, just shoot him in the face. i mean, we’re trying to have a civilization here.
Little Hemlock Egg Nog is my favorite way to get rid of pesky guests. Not that the Tandy Corp. Christmas Party Disaster of 1997 had anything to do with me, no sir, not at all.
I have always found that holding mistletoe over your head and approaching them at the Christmas party lulls them into a false sense of security. Obviously if your target is a man, wait until he is drunk, and he will not flee your advances. Also, the alcohol thins his blood and makes it less likely to clot properly, allowing a goodly level of blood loss.
As you stand before the murderee, hold the mistletoe above your head and wave it around, so he/she will look up. This exposes the throat to a hard thrust from the serrated knife you have been holding behind your back. Jugulate the unfortunate sap, and dance maniacally in the spray of gore he/she is making a futile attempt to stem.
Your weaker-willed colleagues at the Christmas party may look with disapproval upon such a flagrant killing, but if you work with merchant bankers, lawyers or surgeons, this sort of scene will be par for the course anyway.
Happy hunting!