MMA causing mental problems?

Reviews, Videos, and Everything Else Trollshido
1

OK to make any sense of my problem(s) I’ll have to start at the beginning:

I trained in kickboxing from 2nd grade to my senior year in high school. During this time I thought I was tough because I knew kickboxing despite the fact that I was a very scrawny 130lbs! My father made me play football and baseball, he had me try wrestling but never made me do it. I decided not to get involved in wrestling when I was young because the kids that were doing it were kids that made fun of me/were mean to me. This really isn’t relevant though. It just makes me mad that I had a chance to be good…

Anyway fast forward to November 2007. I mindlessly joined a BJJ school thinking I would be really really good at it and that it was easy. Needless to say I was pretty bad. I trained there for two years and only got 4 submissions the whole time(3 of them I don’t count because they were against a guy who was really new and quite young). This was a huge blow to my confidence. I thought I would have been good, or at least proficient but I wasnt. I know this is really stupid but I had wanted to compete in an amateur MMA fight at least once. Sadly the events that took place here are not at the root of my problems.

May 2008: Here I even more mindlessly joined an MMA gym. So I was training at two gyms at once. I joined up with two of my friends. My skills never improved and it really bothered me. I submitted slightly more people here but that is because the grapplers were of less quality. Eventually two of the socially higher up people in the gym took a liking towards one of my friends and my friend became a sort of protege to one of them. Unfortunately these same people didn’t like me and would sometimes make fun of me(and not like kidding around. I asked my friend and he said they legitimately didn’t like me) Around this time I also developed what I thought was wrist tendonitis (which was actually torn cartilage in both wrists) due to work/training and it was pretty dismal. I still have this injury today. Anyway the combination of me sucking at MMA, me not being popular at the gym while my friend was and my wrists/forearms being in severe pain drove me pretty crazy. Eventually I had to stop going to both gyms. I stopped in October 2009.

Now: My problem now is that I absolutely hate myself for being the way I am and for thinking what i think. Example: I hate myself because I didn’t climb mt. everest. Know I know the response is “Then go climb it” the problem is that I don’t really want to climb it and THAT is why I am bad, because I don’t want to climb it. Another example is that I am bad for not being in the army and bad for not wanting to be. However what bothers me the most is MMA. I am really bad for not doing MMA because I cant beat people up. That means that everything I say to anyone is less valid if they can beat me up. But I love MMA and think it is the best sport ever and all that so its like…hard to explain.

I don’t know anymore though. My mind has been so wrecked by the whole thing. I tried working out more(I went from 143lbs to 158lbs) but my wrists eventually couldn’t take it! One of my friends said strength training was useless, even for MMA.

The real problem is that my mind has become like paralyzed because of it. I get so upset sometimes that I punch myself in the thighs and like scream and like claw at my head. I just feel like it would have been better If I had never existed. Don’t take this to mean I want to commit suicide, I would never do something that stupid. All I mean is that if I was given a choice to exist or not exist I’d choose not to. I never thought any of this before I started training in BJJ/MMA. Now I feel like i can’t live with myself until they are both destroyed.

Now I don’t know what to do. I actually liked the BJJ school because everyone was nice and they made me feel like I didn’t suck even though I did. They have recently just become an MMA school too. I’d go back but my wrists still hurt like hell. I want to start physical therapy to heal them soon but by the time they are healed school will be back. I could train during the spring semester and summer but then I will be going to grad school anyway I will most likely be going away to grad school, making training nigh impossible.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I just like feel sick living and cant live with myself. I want to delete my facebook just because I’ll occasionally see people from the MMA gym posting on the walls of my two friends. Ugh the whole thing has just destroyed me.

I know this probably has to do with ego and all the rest of it.

I’m sorry for posting so much nonsense. I haven’t told anyone any of this. It has been fermenting within me for a while now. Thanks for reading. If you have any advice besides “man up!”,“Get over it!” and things of that nature it would be appreciated. Thanks for listening. I actually posted this on another forum I post on but I needed to see what the MMA people would say about this.

Troll away if you’d like, I can always get answers on other forums.

2

How many times a week did you actually go to class when you were training at this BJJ school? It’s damn near impossible to train at something regularly for two years and not show some kind of improvement.

3

Get your wrists sorted before you do anything else. If you fuck up your hands permanently it’s going to make the rest of your life difficult.

Then either find a place you do enjoy training, or find a different hobby. Don’t stay on in a place where the coaches don’t like you, it’ll just be a pain in the hole that neither of you need.

If you do want to quit that’s not a big deal either. It’s just a hobby, there’s no point in doing a hobby you don’t enjoy.

4

You should concentrate on getting a girlfriend.

5

Go see a counselor or a psychiatrist and get help. You have self esteem issues that can’t be help over the internet.

6

Yeah, what IIF said. You are blaming all these other things when the root of the problem is completely different.

My father made me play football and baseball, he had me try wrestling but never made me do it.

So you even think that all these things you think you should have done, but don’t want to do, are actually things someone else wanted you to do? Or you are trying to live up to expectations that are not your own?

I would see a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist, so that you can work through your issues rather than just getting some depression meds. I predict an Adjustment disorder with depressed mood.

7

OP, for what it’s worth, I used to have comparable issues with other parts of my life, and I can tell you that letting this thing fester is just going to make it worse. You really should find someone to talk to, whether it’s a friend, family or a mental health professional. I know it’s damn hard to take that first step, but you’ll feel better about it in the end.

I’m not a psychiatrist or anything, but maybe it would help if you could start training with a clean slate wherever you are going to grad school in. You can ask around for school recommendations on Bullshido, and bullshido.org has a highly incomplete list of schools, too.

8

Yeah what everyone else said

Also in training BJJ get rid of the win / loss mentality it’s a killer.

All you should do if you go back is start from the bottom pick your biggest weakness and work on that.

I.E. You get put on your back and have your guard passed easily and don’t know what to do.

Work on ONE sweep from your guard and keep practicing that, don’t worry about subs.

Start from their and you will build up core competency.

9

[quote=Hertzyscowicz;2501356]
I’m not a psychiatrist or anything, but maybe it would help if you could start training with a clean slate wherever you are going to grad school in. You can ask around for school recommendations on Bullshido, and bullshido.org has a highly incomplete list of schools, too.[/quote]

He needs to work through his mental issues first (not to mention his physical injuries). If he doesn’t, he’s going to keep repeating the same pattern of training, falling short of his expectations, and torturing himself for it. This will happen regardless of where he trains, or which art he trains in.

OP, your lack of success in MMA is an effect of your mental problems. It is not the cause. Be thankful that the training you did made you aware of those problems and seek appropriate help. Get your mind and your body right and then, if you still want to, return to training. You’ll find that BJJ is cake compared to battling the demons inside your head.

10

I’m going along with pretty much what others have said:

You need to speak to someone and not just that but you have to find something you enjoy.

Also… There’s nothing wrong with asking for help/feedback. I do it all the time after each training session or a grading I like to think it shows my instructors that I value their opinions and proves how eager I am to learn.

Nothing is ever as bad as it seems dude!

11

You trained for two years and only got 4 submissions? Did you only go once a week or only grapple higher level belts?

From reading your post I’m guessing it’s your emotional/mental state that is hindering your progress. It looks like you have to sort yourself and your situation out before you start training, especially if training is contributing to your sense of self loathing.

12

Get professional help. If you can’t afford it, your workplace might have an employee assistance program or if you’re in school your campus should have a student program. Failing that, volunteer somewhere, like habitat for humanity or a homeless kitchen or thrift store. You’re depressed and that is an inward looking problem. Look out at the lives of others and you may get some traction.

13

^That.

Also, whatever else you do, don’t spend all your evenings sat in front of the television. That will just bring you further down.

14

I agree pretty much with what everyone here says. Having gone through a similar situation as yourself, I have some more suggestions.

If you feel you’re a square peg stuck in a round hole, get out of that hole. Focus on something that gives you joy in life, and find a supportive environment to facilitate it. If that “something” is not MMA, then so be it. Remember, you can always return to it at a later time.

Best of luck to you. Find a good counsellor, and try not to get lost in your own head.

15

Learning how to be happy is a skill, in and of itself, that you have to develop over time. It doesn’t just arise all by itself from external conditions falling into place, unless it’s the very temporary type.

16

Therapy can be even more freeing than writing this all out to strangers on the internet.

17

I find talking to other people by letting it out is just as helpful if not better than getting help from a psychologist, in many cases.

18

I have had similar problems.
These little bits of advice helped me alot:
Stop saying “I’m sorry” you have nothing to be sorry about.
Stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault and making them your fault.
YOU ARE THE BEAK!!!

19

Try the arts again. The fear is a part of it. The beatings are a part of it. The injuries are a part of it. The losses are a part of it. The haters are a part of it. You gotta take the art and make it yours. You gotta let your soul shine through. You may feel you’re a loser, but you just haven’t found yourself yet. You’ll be alright.

20

Is the OP a TROLL ?

serious question