Life is a Bitch and Mother Nature will always try to kill you

Mother Nature is trying to kill you.
Every second, minute and hour of your life.
Fuck your natural remedies. Fuck your paleo and detox. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Let the artic fucking melt.

So the fuckt is that my wife has breast cancer and goes under surgeon’s scalpel next week.

At the same fucking time.

The very day I had the last pill of the profilaxis for my chemotherapy she was tested for it, and the very same day that I shot in my thigh my last anticoagulant injection, she was found carcinome d1.

I had just undergone chemo since 1st april 2018, because a linfoid acute leukaemia, being able to endure it in style and dignity. I was ready. Ready to be the light in the dark, the warm in the cold, ready to empower the both of us just from the salty drink of her tears and the power of my love.

But Mother Nature, in Her Überbitchdom and evil sense of humor, still had a laugh at me.

“So you have cojones to face me off?”
She grinned at my tiny defiance of her mighty desire of Death.

Let’s get rid of them both

So following her dark unmovable instinct, she re-activated my leukaemia. In my right ball it started, a couple of weeks ago, inflating my testicle like a zeppelin.

“What the fuck?” I said unawareingly after a long post chemotherapy fuck with love. “Did not have to put it in there for the joy”

And to the Doctor I went, and after a week in antibiotics in didn’t shrink.

So my hematologist got scared. And to the Spinal Tap I was sent, and some more eleven marrow taken was from my chest.

And tomorrow they repeat some blood test,
but the odd is not the best.
Because the better couldn’t be taking only the swollen one.
Instead they all want,
to cut them both at once.

And now my wife sends me this book in Spanish, translated by a friend.

And I am writing and crying while singing a lullaby for my three older children while the 4mo baby drinks from a bottle, way earlier than my lady would have ever wanted.

And life is a bitch.

A bisexual cannibal ever-young paleolitical hyenous whore.

And I ask you, I demand you, argumentative napalm, critical shrapnel, and nuke duke speech…

against the cancer starving miraculously surviving writer bitch.

Because I need to hate someone, and this looks the finest bullshit to me.

If she’s legit I’ll take it, granted.

But I want science on my side.

Not nature loving ever fasting vibration speeches.



Edit (bold text2)


Chemo and radiation works…and surgery… my Ex wife (from Last November) had cancer, worst fucking time of my entire life.

Be strong, man. A sample of 1 is not significant.

Will do my best. Thank you.

I got that.

You have kids that need you, a wife that needs you.

My balls are worth my kids.

They can put in prosthetics, and you can get a T patch.

I know, brave talk for a guy whose nuts aren’t on the chopping block, but I think that is the attitude I would want to have.

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That’s all any of us can ever do.

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I just focus on the lesser painful part of it.

Nor I have to pay for the treatment, nor I will have my income cut.

Spanish Social Security is awesome despite of being overstretched and nearly about to collapse because of the Corona.

I’m sorry, man. That’s the worst. My worst nightmare as I’m sure it is your’s as well.

Men can abandon themselves and be an island of physical suffering. We’re just designed that way. Disease took my face and I still don’t really care. Being ugly builds character.

That’s awful man my wife is currently going through tests .

It’s scary enough at this point .

Stay strong .


If you wish to contact me, reach out to Submessenger, as I do not check these forums often.

I am a leukemia survivor.


I thought I was…

… But I am back to chemotherapy on Monday. Will even sleep at the hospital Sunday night.

I am heading for marrow transplant as soon as I finish consolidation phase, when I get the remission from the illness. They say summer. My brother is compatible. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…

Joder. Hostia. Me cago en Crom.

I am scared as fuck. My wife and I can’t even stop crying.


Did they tell you what mutation you have?
And which leukemia categorization you have?

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I’m sorry, friend.

My heart goes out to you both.

Linfoblastic Type B.

I presume you mean Acute, not chronic, meaning ALL-B cell.
If so, that is me as well.
Do you have the Philadelphia chromosomal mutation or no?
I myself do not, but it is material if you do, or not.


Acute Linfoblastic/Linfoid B

I recall talking about the mutation thing back at the beginning. But I don’t remember it now.

I might have a go at the huge amount of papers that they gave me. Edit
Found it.
Acute leukaemia linfoblastic fenotype B. Hiperleucocitosis. High Risk. “Calla Positivo” (?). Ph Negative…

But I’d rather directly ask the Doctor on Sunday.

Ordering pizza now.

Thank you so much for your interest.

I am rooting for you.
If your note is accurate, you have the CD10 marker, and were negative for the Philadelphia marker.
By the way, just so we are a clear, I am not a medical doctor.
As a fellow ALL patient, I am very much rooting for you, however.


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Hey man, I wanted to say there’s a few tricks I have to deal grief. Helped me out when I went through a rough patch.

Audio books running in the background can keep the negative inner monologue distracted by engaging that part of your brain while you do stuff around the house. Music will also help with the nausea and sick feeling from chemo by giving you something else to focus on.

Audiobooks really did the trick for me. Bill Bryson’s audio book “A Short History of Nearly Everything” was a life saver to me. Smart and funny, exhaustively long and it had a lot of replay value because there’s too much information to soak up on the first time through. I think I listened to it 3 times.

Spain has a medical marijuana industry, right? I don’t know if your work does drug tests or anything so you need to be mindful of that possibility. Pot doesn’t always help if you’re the kind to get nervous anxiety. If you are then look for delta-8 oil. It doesn’t cause anxiety. It’s all the mellow parts of pot with none of the shakes. Stay away from edibles unless you have just herculean tolerance because the dosage delivered to your brain is too hard to predict or control.


Roger that

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Not that I know. Anyway my stoner days are way over. I think I’ll stick to my first chemotherapy endurance tactics. Music in the hospital and a Cachopo as soon as they release me.

Eating greasy fried meat puts your nausea so fiercely on top pressure, that when you manage to digest it, it’s like nof having had it at all.