Years and years ago I took some Ju Jitsu and, after beating up the dojos senior student and the teacher, consulted with a friend of a friend who was - probably still is - one of the hardest bouncers in Northwest England. Half a dozen Hells Angels hadnt been able to put this guy on the floor (partly because he probably weighed more than any three of them - Im 240lbs and only 510, but he made me look like Woody Allen - the guy was literally square shape - by my esitmate he weighed about 5 tons) but my jj teacher almost managed it without even being in the room. When he came round again the conversation went like this:
Bouncer Guy: So youre told to hit them in the solar plexus? Me: Yes. BG: Then you turn your back on them? Me: To make a hip throw, yes. BG: Thats when you stick your bum against their goolies, right?
Me: Ummm, yes…
BG: And you pull them up on to your back?
Me: Me, well, youre supposed to use centre of gravity so that they more drop... BG: What if they weigh more than you? What if theyre a squat, heavy bastard like me and your a 150lb 6 foot tall girl? What happens if you miss the solar plexus, so when you turn around they twat you? With an elbow to your kidneys, like, or maybe grab you by the ankles? Or what if they a bit bent and just get their **** out? Then when you try to stick your bum in them youll get bummed. [Glares at me] Would you like that? Me: Ummm, no. Not really. BG, expansively: Its nothing to me, lad - it takes all sorts…
BG went on to explain his theory of combat, which was always to the least risky and most destructive thing. Although he could hit most people in the stomach and count on ending a fight there, he felt that a strike aimed specifically at the sp was likely to miss it, possibly bounce harmlessly off stomach muscle, and likely to leave the striker open to being headbutted or “twatted” with a clenched fist to the side of the “noggin” if the striker didn`t possess his own Main Battle Tank level of firepower.
He deprecated turning your back for a hip throw even more strongly. If the sp strike hadn’t disabled the opponent, he was likely to finish you. If the sp strike had really disabled your opponent, why take the risk? Why not stay facing him and kick him in the nuts, or shins, break him leg with an anchored side kick, headbutt him, gouge his eyes, or put a bodyweight driven elbow in his throat or collar bone? Or twat his niggin a couple of dozen times with a good slap? BG went on to say that knowing how to hip throw was worse than not knowing; there was always a simpler, more effective, and safer thing to do, and by knowing how to hip throw there was always a risk in the panic of a fight you’d do that instead.
He finished by shaking his head and that saying it was no wonder the Japs lost WW2, and telling a story about an oldtime Manchester gangster he knew, who had been foughts the Japanese in Chindits in WW2, and then put a very nice nest egg together after the war in Palestine by catching several American Jewish couriers who were smuggling in funds for Israeli Jewish terrorists and executing them “off the books”, leaving him free to split the cash - nice hard dollars at a time when they were hard to get in the UK - with his mates.
Which brings us nicely to the Israelis and Krav Maga. I’m going to be spending a couple of weeks a month just down the road form a KM school and was quite excited about taking lessons in a “reality based” and supposedly military system - something really pragmatic and utterly unlike the Mall Ninja (actually, Student Union Samauri, in my case) JJ I had tried. But when I looked at the course guide, the syllabus was practially identical to the JJ I`d already tried, right down to Mr Hip Throw.
Soooo - WTF is going on here? Does the KM being taught in the UK have anything to do with real Israeli Defense Force techniques? Is it just repackaged lowest common denominator JJ? Or has IDF KM been neutered, so that its a sports training method for conscripts, while the hardcore get taught something more deadly? (I’m told US military unarmed is liked this, with the ordinary grunts getting taught BJJ and special forces a striking art called RAT, which sounds very like BG then taught me in several wee-wee inducing sessions over the next few weeks, but with trapping added.) Or has KM always been like this? Or am I missing some reason why the hip throw really does work better than “twatting”?