Just in theory...

Reviews, Videos, and Everything Else The Finer Things
1

…If you were a uncompromising and emotionally cold bachelor

With the heart as black as coal,

Ugly as an ogre,

With the personality of video game boss from the old ATARI days,

And had just met a woman that made your heart sing,

More, had, by some dull luck, asked her for a date,

And she had said “yes” and that had made all your “Imsotoughandnowomancangetthroughtome”-walls of defense vanish in the instant,

And shown you once and for all what a stupid jester you had been all along,

What exactly would you do not to fuck things up just this time,

This one time,

This one time that really matters,

Because you got that undeniable feeling that your life would be worse if she left it again,

And you cannot even get yourself to enjoy sex with other women any more

Because you poor idiotic bastard have a crush like in high school for the first time since you actually were in high school,

And you want to do a thousand pushups and erase all those errors from your past just so

You could be that man she always dreamed of and not just the man you actually are,

And if you had known that she would some day enter your life,

You had walked taller, better, smarter, stronger

About just everything you did just to make her as happy as she makes you

When she smiles?

[I][B]THAT IS THE QUESTION.

NOW, THEORETICALLY SPEAKING, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?[/B][/I]

2

Too much pressure. Let it go.

You kids make this too tough. Be her friend. Make her laugh. Start there and see what happens next without worrying too much.

3

I think you should consider yourself fortunate that woman has ever let you even graze her breast.

4

Go to the doc to get put on some hormone therapy to turn myself back into a man

5

!YES!

6

[QUOTE=Styygens;2404325]Too much pressure. Let it go.

You kids make this too tough. Be her friend. Make her laugh. Start there and see what happens next without worrying too much.[/QUOTE]

U dunnot get it.

[QUOTE=Zapruder;2404351]Go to the doc to get put on some hormone therapy to turn myself back into a man[/QUOTE]

U do.

7

[QUOTE=Pilgrim;2404312]NOW, THEORETICALLY SPEAKING, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?[/QUOTE]I’d definitely post about it on the internet.

Specifically, on a site where the majority of posters spend their spare time making retards of themselves by being punched in the face, thrown on their heads, choked unconscious or various combinations thereof.

I voluntarily allow people to cut off the flow of blood to my brain FFS, you really want advice from me?

Okay then, rule 1: try not to shit the bed. If you do, make sure you have a really really good fucking excuse.

8

[QUOTE=Lu Tze;2404386]
I voluntarily allow people to cut off the flow of blood to my brain FFS[/QUOTE]

As does a cock ring. Which is a most useful and underrated tool.

So, basically, yeah.

9

Rule 2: don’t try to fuck her mother. Especially if she’s deceased. If you do, make sure you have a really really good fucking excuse.

10

Okay, shit + dead mother = dirty filthy make-up sex afterwards?

Look, not that I’d want to press things, but… The prairie needs rain.

11

I would a) stop being emo b) relax since it’s all just temporary anyways, no one should even think about getting married until they’re at least 30, if ever.

12

Okay, srsly, I am just mildly trolling.

I am getting a bit fed up with my Spanish brethren’s tendency to get all Shakespearianly poetic on about every single girl they manage to hook up with. (Which doesn’t even imply sex down here, just sweet teenage kisses.)

I need material to make a fool of them. Last night was particularly annoying.

(After some beers:)

“She’s like a wild rose on a mountain top.”

“Duuuuuuuuuude, she’s like 40 and a hunchback. And roses don’t grow on mountains. Goats do.”

13

On the odd chance the original question was serious:

  1. Be attentive. Make this date be about HER, not you.
  2. There is no 2.

Regards,
Lars

14

You like a girl? That’s so gay.

15

oh I would definitely maek poast

16

BTW, this is the Peter Parker routine.

YouTube- The Great Thing About MJ

Foolproof.

17

Not to be confused with this, which is what I usually do.

YouTube- The Great Thing About MJ

18

Peter Parker in the comics managed to land Betty Leeds & Gwen Stacey when he was still a nerd, the Black Cat, Mary Jane, and I can’t even remember who else. Peter Parker from the movie danced around in the street to corny music like a douche and spent most of his time being a whiney emo biatch. I don’t know what it is, but there’s a lesson in there somewhere; mostly though I just wanted to vent my spleen in regards to the movies that raped my childhood (yeah, the first one was passable, I guess).

19

You’re wrong you emo bitch. Stygens got it right.

Be yourself, listen to her, make her laugh and don’t try to be a player. If she’s worth a damn, that will make a difference.

Also, quit being an emo bitch on the Internet.

That is all.

20

women like it when they are accepted for what they are (and worshiping their ass and learning to play them like a violin)

my idiot brother gave his 2nd ex wife shit until she got rid of the lps that weren’t up to his standard

(read High Fidelity)

America? Air Supply? Abba? Elton John? AFI? Post hardcore? Repetitive Reggae?

Whata dope. Play that shitty music while she’s eating you and you’ll learn to LOVE smaltz and emo crapola.

I buy my wife billy joel and rod stewart and even will listen to kataro!

Oh, and feed 'em. Best to make it yourself and hand feed, but even fast food will be a bonus.