If You Having Girl Problems I Feel Bad For You, Son...

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1

… Because I also have girl problems and therefore empathize with you. Not really problems, actually, more like a motherfucking annoyance.

Summary of the Situation:

So I recently broke up with my girlfriend, right, or rather she recently broke up with me because of some fucking ridiculous reason I didn’t understand at first and haven’t tried to since then, because that shit really didn’t make any fucking sense and I couldn’t be bothered.

Then she said she wanted to be friends. So I laughed really hard, then said “excuse me, I’ll be right back”.

I came back with a little red bag. I handed that little red bag to her. She asked “what is this bag all about”. I replied, “I went down the road and got you some marbles, because clearly you have fucking lost all of yours”. I think this shit is exceptionally funny and spend loads of time laughing. She’s all like “yo, what the fuck son, I’m trying to have a serious conversation here. Really, I want us to be friends”.

So I excuse myself to go to look in the mirror and come back. She asks me what was that about. I said “well, I had to go and look in the mirror, because clearly you think I look like a pussy. So I had to go and see for myself. And no, I don’t think I look like a pussy”. She starts getting upset.

I say, “Our sex life has been like the Mass Effect games. I can only get pussy when there is a serious possibility that the world may end the following day. This is fucking bullshit. And now you want me to listen to your problems and ask you how your day is going and other boring and inane shit, without even the slim chance of getting pussy? Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Also, where the fuck is my Full Metal Alchemist plushie? I’m getting the fuck out of here”.

I and departed with certainty and alacrity. Like a fucking boss.

Postmortem Analysis:

I think I keep ending up in these prolonged sexless encounters because I have a pathological attraction to virginal girls with almost iron clad, airtight, hermetically sealed morals and shit. Which is fucking counter intuitive, because really I’m mostly interested in the fucking. But I am scared to death of sticking my dick in some place where too many other dicks of been. Possibly because I can’t fucking grow up.

My therapist says I’m scared of unfamiliar territory and scared of comparing myself. In reply I asked her what the fuck was wrong with if her and then asked if her fucking degree was accredited. She referred me to another therapist.

Disclaimer: Don’t know how much I embellished with that marble shit, sometimes, when I’m high, I find it difficult to differentiate between what happened, and what i thought happened. I like to make a game of it though.

Further Inquiries:

Serious inquiry time: How feasible is this friends after end of relationship shit? I know this must be an age old question, but seriously, what is the point of that shit? Doesn’t that just frustrate you and make you think “why am I not getting the pussy?”.

What is the benefit to it? It seems like it’s fucking absurd, but many people do it, so there must be a motherfucking reason.

2

have you thought that they dont put out cos you’re, y’know, shit in bed?

3

[QUOTE=Alex;2704280]have you thought that they dont put out cos you’re, y’know, shit in bed?[/QUOTE]

I considered that. But like I said, it would be very hard for them to make a motherfucking assessment, given the paucity of sexual intercourse. Although I suppose if it was goddamn motherfucking awful after the first time they would understandably withdraw.

Also, some are so riddled with guilt afterwords… I don’t think the quality of sex would have made a fucking bit of difference. But I been wrong before.

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[QUOTE=Alex;2704280]have you thought that they dont put out cos you’re, y’know, shit in bed?[/QUOTE]

you’re mean lol.

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[QUOTE=Alex;2704280]have you thought that they dont put out cos you’re, y’know, shit in bed?[/QUOTE]

Zombie Christ I just spit coffee out!!

6

So I think you missed out on this epic of a thread a while back, TQ: http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=99998&page=15

Don’t worry too much, there’s still hope that you will find a woman who has had more penis’ in her than she’s applied make up to herself, find yourself in a loving relationship with said woman that turns emotionally abusive around the same time the awesome fucking begins to dry up, find out she is working as a whore, then be facing legal complications while trying to remove your belongings from the house and have to move states in order to start afresh, where you become rather adept at chatting to and picking up females with alarming regularity that results in a slew of women texting, calling and facebooking your wanted arse because you are just that good. It’s possible, I know for a fact.

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[QUOTE=The Question;2704279]
Further Inquiries:

Serious inquiry time: How feasible is this friends after end of relationship shit? I know this must be an age old question, but seriously, what is the point of that shit? Doesn’t that just frustrate you and make you think “why am I not getting the pussy?”.

What is the benefit to it? It seems like it’s fucking absurd, but many people do it, so there must be a motherfucking reason.[/QUOTE]

Immediately afterwards? Depends on how much of a shit you gave about the relationship you were in. If it’s a very large shit, then no way. Your response needs to be something along the lines of, "If you really want to be friends give me a call in a year.

If, on the other hand, you give little to no shits… your response should be something along the lines of, “Great, I’ve been needing to get the knob slobbed for a while now and I hear the female wingman thing is awesome. When we going to go hit the meat market?”

(I am friends with precisely one of my exes.)

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[QUOTE=The Question;2704279]
Further Inquiries:

Serious inquiry time: How feasible is this friends after end of relationship shit? I know this must be an age old question, but seriously, what is the point of that shit? Doesn’t that just frustrate you and make you think “why am I not getting the pussy?”.

What is the benefit to it? It seems like it’s fucking absurd, but many people do it, so there must be a motherfucking reason.[/quote]

It depends…
If you like smirking at the new bf over dinner, and when you have the opportunity mentioning how the mole on the right side of her anus always made you think, if only just for a moment, that she had a little dingle-berry, right before you had your way with said passage, then it could be at the very least a bit humorous.

More importantly, i think you need a cougar or two to set you straight, if you’re worried about this bullshit…

9

It depends on the person.

I get along with all of my ex-girlfriends. And I have quite a few. Perhaps because relationships here in Spain aren’t that committed.

I see no reason why I shouldn’t get along with ex girlfriends if the act of breaking up has been friendly (so far it always has for me). Of course, when you still have feelings it’s best to stay away but… For your own piece of mind, I wouldn’t make that separation too aggressive. It’s more like “No, please, for a while I want nothing to do with you until I moved on”.

Anyway, this might be a cultural issue. In the States, I gather that most people seem to hate each other after breaking up. Not so much here. More so, my parents live separated and they get along perfectly.

10

Dear Q-dot: Females want to be boinked in the vajayjay, not in the navel. This realization, it leads to a significant increase in sex quality.

Live and learn, grasshopper.

11

As for the breakup, blame yourself or blame God.
As for the being friends with exes, I am friends with approximately half of my exes and burnt my bridges with the other half. The bridge-burned ones were girls I never should’ve dated in the first place.
The ones who I maintain friendships with I do so because I genuinely like them as people, even if they aren’t boinking me. Not as much as I liked them when they were, of course, but they still have some kind of a net positive.
It sounds like you have some sort of fucked up madonna/whore complex where you want to have sex with people who don’t want to have sex. You should probably get over that, unless you enjoy misery and guilt.

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[QUOTE=The Question;2704279]

I say, “Our sex life has been like the Mass Effect games. I can only get pussy when there is a serious possibility that the world may end the following day. This is fucking bullshit. And now you want me to listen to your problems and ask you how your day is going and other boring and inane shit, without even the slim chance of getting pussy? Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Also, where the fuck is my Full Metal Alchemist plushie? I’m getting the fuck out of here”.[/QUOTE]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events

So anyway, here’s a song for you bro.

//youtu.be/9YKqA7bwrhY

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Q you are funny as hell. Do some stand up.

14

Serious inquiry time: How feasible is this friends after end of relationship shit? I know this must be an age old question, but seriously, what is the point of that shit? Doesn’t that just frustrate you and make you think “why am I not getting the pussy?”.
I don’t really know the answer to this question. I’ve never really tried to be friends with my exes… Not that there are many, but still.
I guess it just depends on how much you had in common other than the fact that you, however occasionally, slept with each other.

Hope things look up for you soon, Q-chan.

15

[QUOTE=The Question;2704279]… Because I also have girl problems and therefore empathize with you. Not really problems, actually, more like a motherfucking annoyance.

Summary of the Situation:

So I recently broke up with my girlfriend, right, or rather she recently broke up with me because of some fucking ridiculous reason I didn’t understand at first and haven’t tried to since then, because that shit really didn’t make any fucking sense and I couldn’t be bothered.

Then she said she wanted to be friends. So I laughed really hard, then said “excuse me, I’ll be right back”.

I came back with a little red bag. I handed that little red bag to her. She asked “what is this bag all about”. I replied, “I went down the road and got you some marbles, because clearly you have fucking lost all of yours”. I think this shit is exceptionally funny and spend loads of time laughing. She’s all like “yo, what the fuck son, I’m trying to have a serious conversation here. Really, I want us to be friends”.

So I excuse myself to go to look in the mirror and come back. She asks me what was that about. I said “well, I had to go and look in the mirror, because clearly you think I look like a pussy. So I had to go and see for myself. And no, I don’t think I look like a pussy”. She starts getting upset.

I say, “Our sex life has been like the Mass Effect games. I can only get pussy when there is a serious possibility that the world may end the following day. This is fucking bullshit. And now you want me to listen to your problems and ask you how your day is going and other boring and inane shit, without even the slim chance of getting pussy? Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Also, where the fuck is my Full Metal Alchemist plushie? I’m getting the fuck out of here”.

I and departed with certainty and alacrity. Like a fucking boss.

Postmortem Analysis:

I think I keep ending up in these prolonged sexless encounters because I have a pathological attraction to virginal girls with almost iron clad, airtight, hermetically sealed morals and shit. Which is fucking counter intuitive, because really I’m mostly interested in the fucking. But I am scared to death of sticking my dick in some place where too many other dicks of been. Possibly because I can’t fucking grow up.

My therapist says I’m scared of unfamiliar territory and scared of comparing myself. In reply I asked her what the fuck was wrong with if her and then asked if her fucking degree was accredited. She referred me to another therapist.

Disclaimer: Don’t know how much I embellished with that marble shit, sometimes, when I’m high, I find it difficult to differentiate between what happened, and what i thought happened. I like to make a game of it though.

Further Inquiries:

Serious inquiry time: How feasible is this friends after end of relationship shit? I know this must be an age old question, but seriously, what is the point of that shit? Doesn’t that just frustrate you and make you think “why am I not getting the pussy?”.

What is the benefit to it? It seems like it’s fucking absurd, but many people do it, so there must be a motherfucking reason.[/QUOTE]

You realize you only have to pay complete and utter attention to a woman for about 30mins a day to keep her happy, right?

16

[QUOTE=The Question;2704279]How feasible is this friends after end of relationship shit? I know this must be an age old question, but seriously, what is the point of that shit? Doesn’t that just frustrate you and make you think “why am I not getting the pussy?”[/QUOTE]

How feasible is it? Very, if you legitimately don’t want to hit that anymore, then it’s not as difficult as it seems. The point of it is security, and by that I mean security for her. Also, it’s likely a test of how much you care about her and shit. It’s just stupid games. Honestly, it has never frustrated me as much as other guys, but that’s generally because I play the patience game anyway just to shut them down when they come crying back to me. Learn to control your sexual urges and you become something that women fear. A man free of his own hormones, just something to think about.

Also, stop objectifying women by their sexual organs, that is likely the reason you aren’t getting it. Women are all emotional and shit, there is groundwork that has to be laid down (romance). If you did anything to piss her off and haven’t addressed that situation completely and thoroughly (in her eyes, your opinion doesn’t matter) then you aren’t getting it.

[QUOTE=Bodhi108;2704436]You realize you only have to pay complete and utter attention to a woman for about 30 hours a week to keep her happy, right?[/QUOTE]

Fixed.

17

Question,

      You need a better therapist.  We're usually not that easy to scare away.
18

[QUOTE=Bodhi108;2704512]
If you devote anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes of complete, open attention to her that is supportive and not judgemental, I guarantee she will leave you alone when you are actually otherwise occupied…and will be much more interested in satisfying you sexually since you have been satisfying her emotionally.[/QUOTE]

LOL. You oversimplify relationships. 20-30 minutes of focused time is probably enough (for some women), however most women expect you to be thinking of them and considering their feelings a lot more than that. Also all of the little things ([chores, opening doors, laughing at dumb jokes, listening to dumb stories, etc] << all while trying to genuinely care) are also work, and that adds up.

Not to mention the “above and beyond” factor that starts to present itself when the hormones don’t make you want to bump uglies anymore.

Your depiction of a relationship is transaction-oriented, and therefor economically abusive, and not likely to produce a healthy, long-lasting relationship. It’s more than just “you take care of my emotional problems, i’ll take care of your sexual ones”. There should be a degree of constant conscientiousness in a relationship of your partner.

Unless of course you are single and just looking for poon. Then that’ll work fine (for a while).

EDIT: And yea, my girlfriend is bat-shit crazy. But I’m willing to live with that.

19

[QUOTE=syberia;2704406]I don’t really know the answer to this question. I’ve never really tried to be friends with my exes… Not that there are many, but still.
I guess it just depends on how much you had in common other than the fact that you, however occasionally, slept with each other.

Hope things look up for you soon, Q-chan.[/QUOTE]

Syberia. Welcome back to the light, yo. I haven’t been called Q-chan in a while. That shit is refreshing, yo.

I imagined that. These are fucking awful, which is perhaps why they are free.

This seems un-fucking-believable. I don’t think this is enough, but I really wouldn’t know. My attention span is like 5 minutes. After that, I have to think about hentai or some bullshit. Sometimes I actually zone the fuck out with an interested look on my face while she tells me about how someone pissed her off at work or some other boring shit I’m not even minimally interested in.

Hormones don’t trouble me very much. Which is probably why I don’t tolerate that much bullshit. And I care not for fucking games. I don’t take that bullshit.

Also, stop objectifying women by their sexual organs, that is likely the reason you aren’t getting it. Women are all emotional and shit, there is groundwork that has to be laid down (romance). If you did anything to piss her off and haven’t addressed that situation completely and thoroughly (in her eyes, your opinion doesn’t matter) then you aren’t getting it.

That easier said than done. I don’t know why, but most times all I can see is tits and ass. Chick could be interesting and shit, but I’m thinking about that T & A.

Now there’s a motherfucking idea… Coming soon.

20

[QUOTE=The Question;2704538]
Hormones don’t trouble me very much. Which is probably why I don’t tolerate that much bullshit. And I care not for fucking games. I don’t take that bullshit.

That easier said than done. I don’t know why, but most times all I can see is tits and ass. Chick could be interesting and shit, but I’m thinking about that T & A.[/QUOTE]

Your words, not mine.