How to deal with an arrogant co-worker?

This thread is mostly just for venting purposes but anyway…

I’ve been training in BJJ for almost a year at this school:

http://www.brazilianjiujitsucenter.com/

About 3-4 months into my training, a co-worker who was interested in taking up BJJ asked about my school.

I gave him a card, but he ultimately decided to start training at an affiliate school closer to his home:

http://www.oceancountybjj.com/

Since then he hasn’t shut up about it. He’s always bragging about his belt status (he’s a 3rd stripe white belt) and telling everyone he knows how to fight because he knows what to do on the ground.

Now here’s the thing, he’s about 5’9 and 230lbs (majority of that weight is fat). He’s definately strong, but he’s slow and soft. And with only 6-8 months of BJJ training he’s going around saying he knows what to do in any situation.

But that’s not the part that irks me.

He’s always inquiring about how my school operates and informing me how his school does things. We’ve had these conversations countless times, but it’s like he forgets what I tell him. I also take whatever he says with a grain of salt because he’s kind of a space cadet.

Anyway one day for what seemed like the millionth time he’s telling me how at his school you can’t do rondori until you receive your 3rd stripe. You can only practice the moves, but not finish them. You also have to attend a certain number of “advanced” classes before you can roll. And you can only attend “basic” classes until you get your 3rd stripe.

And for the millionth time I told him at my school, you’re allowed to start rolling after your first 4-5 classes. My professor puts new students with a coach or more experienced student who will go easy. Every student is allowed to attend as many classes as they want and while the class schedule for my school lists basic and advanced classes, white belts of all stripes train on a regular basis with more advanced students and coaches. And we all roll with each other regardless of belt order.

My professor feels that the expeiece you receive from rolling with people of different skill levels and belt orders is beneficial to your overall ground game. And I agree.

This is how the conversation went from here:

Him: That seems weird.

Me: What do you mean?

Him: It’s odd that your school runs that way.

Me: How so?

Him: Well, if you were a 1st stripe white belt, would you want to roll with a 3rd stripe white belt or blue belt? Would you want to come back?

Me: Yes I would (and I was a 1st stripe white belt rolling with 3rd stripers at one time).

Him: I wouldn’t, at least not until I had the experience.

Me: Where would you get the experience?

Him: At another school.

He went on to say that he doesn’t think my school is ran properly, yet he’s only been to one BJJ school in his life (that I helped set him up with) and he’s never even been to my school in the first place. Then he said something that completely pissed me off.

He told me he doesn’t think I could train with him because he’d be too “intense” for me.

I laughed it off at first but it really angered me. I helped him hook up with his school and and I gave him words of encouragement when he was encountering some initial slumps. In return this fat and out of shape slob throws that in my face.

Now I’m just hoping he gets his ass kicked at some point.

Anyone else ever deal with someone like this?

This shouldn’t be in the DHS forum as it is a specific forum to discuss grappling technique.

Yeah, if you can’t find your thread next time you log on, it’s been moved to YMAS.

Don’t worry about that dude. Aside from calmly telling him the reality of everything, you can’t really do much since he’s your coworker and you probably don’t want to create unneccessary tension at work, and also even if you smacked him around on the mat, it still probably wouldn’t change his mind.

It’s the honeymoon phase, he’s getting swept off his feet and the testosterone’s getting to his head. Give it several months where hopefully he gets tapped out often and maybe he’ll join the rest of us on earth again.

I rolled after my second class. Been rolling ever since, against whoever, white, blue, purple, even black. As for him being too “intense” he probably means that he suffers from White Belt Fury! He basically insulted himself without realizing it, because he is clueless. Of course, I suppose I could be wrong… But I highly doubt it. There is absolutely NO reason whatsoever to be “too intense” for your partner while rolling. Now, if you were training for a tournament or something, I suppose I could see that, but in regular rolling, the point is not to win. The point of rolling is that both you, and your partner, get better. Period. End of story.

yeah in my experience, better schools roll the way your school does… the other way SOMETIMES leans toward a kind of mcdojoism… you have to pay more for “advanced” classes and the privilege of rolling with “advanced students”… and these kind of schools usually produce jerks who nutride their school and the way it is run… you should invite him to a free practice at your school and let him get smashed… and probably visit his school just to see what it is like… just like other MA that get popular you get some poser’s…

i have the same problem… with some TKD folk (take not im in high school)
theres a certain “second degree black belt” who has been through the worx, ATA, point sparring, no contact sparring for belt tests, board breaking, synonymous with karate awesomeness. now im a striker and bjj’er, so naturally i want to spar with him. I always get the same responses; either, “dude… im a black belt…” or my personal favorite, “I dont want to hurt you…”

i just shrug it off. its not really a big deal. no reason to bust a kids confidence right?

Well my gut response is to say you need to invite him to your school and slap him around. That said, it’s my response and it’s not really fair to apply my mindset to your situation since you’re a beginner.

It really boils down to how much it’s pissing you off (seems like a lot) and how important it is to you to make him shut up. If you can deal with it and ignore him, that’s probably the easiest course. If not, I’d have a brief chat with your instructor and ask his permission to invite him to the class.

So he’s 5’ 9" and 230 lbs. I’m 5’ 8" and about 198, a little chunkier than I should be but pretty solid. So he’s either a body builder, NFL running back or obese. I’m gonna lay my money on the last. I don’t know how you match up with him size wise and that’s likely a consideration in whether or not you want to make it physical with him. If he’s got like 70 pounds on you and your skill levels are likely pretty equal that could be a problem. You should also let you instructer know about the “too intense” part of your conversation since that likely translates to big fat spazzy guy who will go completely apeshit the first time he tastes hard rolling. That might not be a great thing to bring to your club.

So keep all these things in mind when you make your decision. If you do roll with him I predict him either injuring himself or faking an injury shortly into the session when he realizes he’s over his head.

Edited to add: Are stripes usual for BJJ? We use them for little kids to make them feel like they’re making progress and keep them interested. I hope you don’t have to pay for a grading for each stripe. If you do, I likely have some bad news for you about your club…

I’ve trained at clubs that used them and some that didn’t. If anything I think it’s more of a tool to help an instructor track where his guys are at especially if he has many students. The last time I got a stripe it was after my instructor at the time watched me just completely tool this other guy. After he class he just told me, “give yourself a stripe.” No test, no fees or anything like that, very informal.

To the OP, your school sounds like every BJJ school I’ve ever been in. I’ve never heard of a school operating like your coworker’s.

sjc, your coworke is a Prat. There are two ways of dealing with this.

  1. Ignore him. Next time he brings up crap about how great his BJJ is and whatnot, tell him to fuck off before you bust him in his mouth.

  2. Invite him to your gym, or find some mat space, roll with him and choke him the fuck out.

This is a nine month white belt speaking, so you should probably ignore me:

Step 1: Ankle/Achilles Lock from open guard
Step 2: Pretend not to feel/see the tap.
Step 3: Living Death

Body Massage.