8:30am: I wake up and contemplate suicide as I realize I didn’t die in my sleep. I think for a minute about how I should probably get up and get to work because I only have half an hour and I have been hitting the snooze button over and over several times now. I get in the shower and pretend that I’m the terminator waking up from being sent into the past, this usually helps me get through the day.
9:00am: I’m still trying to get out of the house.
9:30am: I walk into the office and wonder where everyone is. Turns out, it’s just me and the office manager. Usually I’ll get a call and have to go somewhere to go do something for some company. Usually they just forgot to plug something in or it needs an anti-spyware scan. I usually leave, go get breakfast and receive phone calls from chicks I dance with wondering what I’m doing.
10:30am: I usually arrive wherever I’m going. And start “working,” and getting shit together. I look professional, I speak clearly, calmly, use big fancy words and make them laugh a little and give them assurance that whatever it is I’m doing, it’s for the best. I sit down open up the internet and start posting on it while AVG or Spybot runs in the background. And I try to figure out how to convince my boss that I was working the last hour and a half.
12:00am: Fast forward to now, I’m hungry. The client walks in and I switch to command prompt and type in, “ipconfig /all.” It looks official. Client is happy. I continue to play on the internet while I run a memory test.
2:00pm: At some point I may or may not have had lunch between now and then. I find my way back into my office, this time usually just with the receptionist. I tap my fingers together and wonder what I’m supposed to be doing and why they’re paying me to do this. Ah, Internet. How you are always there for me.
4:00pm: I start backing up hard drives and have a bunch of them running on one station watching and waiting to see how long the power supply will last before it burns itself out. My record is 6 HD’s on one machine, it really was a spectacle. I start imagining that I’m flying on the moon, and that it’s made of cheese and that I have a magical cape that gives me powers to breathe in a vacuum and fly at super speeds.
5:00pm: I’m thinking about leaving. But then I get hit with having to configure some firewall for some douchebag who won’t pay their bill on time. I take my time.
6:00pm: Someone once told me, “Think about if you helped to change someone’s life for the better that day. It’ll get you through.” So I started thinking about it. I do ABSOLUTELY nothing and did nothing to help anybody except get my boss money for doing things for people.
You would throw up if I told you how much they paid me to do this everyday.