Enough is Enough: Instructors, it is NOT okay to have sex with your students

Originally published at: Enough is Enough: Instructors, it is NOT okay to have sex with your students - Bullshido

Brass tacks: if you see the people you teach as potential sex partners you’re a sexual predator.


Opening up forum discussion on this that wasn’t previously available at the time of the original piece.

If you want to see how bad this discussion got on the Facebook replies to this piece when we posted it there, here you go:

What if you just lynch whole families? Is that ok?

Just want to say, I had checked out of BJJ and the online BJJ community starting in about late 2018 as I’d moved to Dallas, started training at Mohler’s, and just hadn’t the time to really be involved the way I used to. What a pleasure to come back in late 2021 and read this thread, which contains references to a number of cases of sexual wrongdoing that I helped bring to the community’s awareness. Damn, I’m not even sure I would’ve remembered Solis’s name if asked.

Proud of the community. Kick ass.


What if you just pay into an international pedo ring? So you and your boys can have sex with the kids class? Or not get your lives nuked?

This is what you run with NOW? while we are talking about rapes and robberies?

Why is it not appropriate?

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From a different angle, I’ve seen many a PT meet a spouse through personal training them and something grows out of that, but usually the relationship changes from teacher/learner to something more akin to a couple who trains together. In the case of a martial arts school, I don’t think you can really have that dynamic in a classroom environment but could potentially train privately together as part of the relationship?

So the question is, if we’re going to compare a PT and a martial arts instructor as the provider of a physical fitness/skill service to clients, what is the deciding line that distinguishes the two? Is it the hierarchical nature of martial arts schools that needs to be removed from the equation?

Fair. I have basically no short term memory left. I can remember arcane minutiae about historical events but I can’t remember where I left my keys 3 times a day.

So is it OK for a Dr to hit on a nurse or patient?

Is it inherently wrong?

Is it not more to do with consent?

Nurse maybe, patient no.

The Dr is in an asymmetric power balance with the nurse

Does it preclude all work relationships unless with an equal

What about between mature students and potentially younger teachers?

The doctor can’t KILL the nurse though. He can kill the patient.

The first time I met my wife she was interviewing me for a job.

Any one can kill anyone else

Ability to kill is not the criteria IMO

I knew you were a terrible slut

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The doctor can kill the patient and make it look like an accident. Like if they have a secret relationship and it goes sideways, they can literally let the person die.

Yeah, definitely a bad idea for a doctor and patient to be romantically intertwined.

Any one could do that

And a Dr could potentially kill their patients regardless of whether they have a relationship with them or kill their relationships regardless of whether they are patients

That is a silly argument

The problem is not psychopathic Dr’s killing everyone, it’s the imbalance of power, and the potential for that imbalance to be exploited by predators

But if two consenting adults want to bump uglies I don’t think the profession of either should play too much of a role