Man, just walk away. Don’t try to be friends or be there for her. Try to convince her to get some counseling and leave your last contact at that. She’s in no condition to have a relationship and it’s not fair to you as someone that obviously has feelings for her to be relegated to being around as a confidante. Sad situation? Yes. Your responsibility to fix? Not all.
Regardless of your noble intentions, this situation never has the fairy tale ending you would hope for.
^^Quoted for relevance…
True Story - I dated this girl for a while. She had all kinds of fuckin issues… I couldn’t even count them all on my fingers and toes. Part of her problem/excuse was always cited as her being verbally, and sometimes physically, abused by the guy she was with before me - a guy she was with for like 5 years. I knew the guy from High School, but we weren’t friends or anything like that… All the shit about him that she pumped into my head made me wanna kill this dude. I mean, there were actually times when I plotted how I would confront this guy and beat his head into the pavement.
Life went on, however, and we ended up breaking up over this girl’s constant Bullshit attitude. I still cared about her, but I couldn’t put up with her crap any longer… Fast forward like a year, and I’m at this bar hanging out… Bam! There this guy is, her ex… He walks up to me and starts talking… We eventually end up on the subject of her, and I just blatantly ask, “Did you beat her up and call her names, dude?” He denied everything she had told me, vehemently. We both mutually agreed that she was fucking nutz and left it at that…
Fast forward to two weeks ago… She and I have a mutual friend on Facebook, so Facebook suggests her page to me… I follow the link to check out her page, and find out what she’s been up to for the past couple of years… Guess who she’s engaged to now?
LOL! scandalous beeatch!:byewhore:
I guess the point would be that people never fucking change, and that we would probably make things worse expecting that they will change. You have to find someone that you’re compatible with right off the bat. You can only change yourself, but only to raise or lower your own standards… so… Wherever that girl is… That’s where she belongs.
Time to move on.
Seriously. You’ve been given some good advice. Take it and move on with your life.
Props to you for caring and the effort you’ve put forth.
She’ll not likely to be able to hold a stable relationship without a lot of work on her part. She needs to HTFU and realize that she should have left the asshole way before things got to the point they did.
[quote=hungryjoe;2418941]Time to move on.
Seriously. You’ve been given some good advice. Take it and move on with your life.
Props to you for caring and the effort you’ve put forth.
She’ll not likely to be able to hold a stable relationship without a lot of work on her part. She needs to HTFU and realize that she should have left the asshole way before things got to the point they did.[/quote]
I am not the one keeping the thread going. I appreciate people wanting to help. But I am taking Zendoken’s advice on the subject.
Dozer,
keep in mind that you may not be the best friend material that she needs despite your intents. I think the best thing to do is to be available when she seeks help, but careful not to hurt yourself trying to impose your help on her. I have a friend who had been raped in the past, and another who went through an abortion, etc. and it is really their own quest and there isn’t much that another person can do for them. However, one thing I regret about my experiences was that I wasn’t very available to them; so I hope you keep that ear open but duly note my advice.
I had a girlfriend who was raped before she met me and i’ve known several rape or attempted rape survivors (as statistically almost all people know at least one).
Here’s a thing and a big one at that, that I don’t think’s been mentioned. Telling you to butt out may not have been a case of Stockholm Syndrome but rather her keeping you from accidentally activating triggers. These are very important considerations when you’re close to an abuse survivor. They may be seemingly innocuous things and they certainly don’t have anything to do with your intent to trip them or not.
That is a good piece of insight.
Its really unfortunate how often rape occurs in modern society. I know more than one girl who was raped before, and seeing how difficult and long it took them to get over it and inform me about it, I wonder how many girls have been raped before.
(the girl that got her life under control had very good parents and a stable upbringing, so I can’t imagine how it would have been if she had daddy issues to begin with.)
(Almost) everybody here backdown, please!
This thread went from an “abusive” relationship thread to a “rape victim” thread? (small insight: Abusive =/= rape). Don’t overanalyze it or by page 6 the girl is a Holocaust survivor (no disrespect tended).
From what I’ve read in the OP, it comes closer to my experience with nowadays a good (female) friend than with my last relationship (see Tex’s experience).
Sad situation? Yes. Your responsibility to fix? Not all.
This is important to remember. It’s easy to want to be the hero and fix her problems, but a lot of the time, there really isn’t anything you can really do. I dated one girl who was abused, and another who said she wasn’t, but it wasn’t that hard to read between the lines. All it can really do is make you miserable too when you realize you can’t help them. Sometimes you have to look out for your own well-being first.
Tex, I had a very similar experience (though, hers was more just a “bad relationship” than anythng abusive). She ended up marrying the guy eventually and getting preggo right away. I was glad I had dodged a bullet.
Anyway, Dozer, if something like that happens to you and this girl is happily dating someone else in two weeks, or back with the same dude, stop back in and drop us an update. Otherwise, good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
Zen: You fucking rule. People like you are a fucking enrichment to society. Period.
Dozer, about the slight diss: Still, don’t. Violence is a commitment you should not consider unless you’re completely informed about the situation. I’ve been in the situation more than once, actually, which leads me to…
TEX: Couldn’t agree more. So many fake drama queens, so many stupid sluts that simply like to make a fool of some good-hearted guy.
“Take me out on a date. Pay my expenses. Introduce me to new people. Be there for me when I need someone to tell me I am pretty. Be there when I need to hear that all the crap was not my fault. But me taking any responsibility for you in return? No, why should I?”
Just a friendly reminder that the reason many guys are single is really that women can be, and matter of factly at a certain age are fucking stupid. - I think most dudes here can sympathize.
Which leads me to…