I’m not sure if this is really where this should be going, but oh fucking well.
How do you guys deal with death?
My friend recently drowned, while we were at the pool. Unfortunately, this isn’t the first good friend i’ve had thats passed away, and well…i’m just not sure how to deal with it all.
I feel like I don’t care, but I do, I think. I almost started crying when I spoke with her family, and saw her pictures. I’ve had good friends commit suicide, while i’ve been there, i’ve had friends pass from medical reasons, family members die, etc. My madre’s heart stopped for a while, and my Dad and I performing cpr/calling 911 saved her life. Her heart continued to start and stop at will, until they put in an internal defribulator.
I’m sure you’ve guys have been through a lot worse. How did you guys deal with it?
I understand people die, and i understand the death makes life worth living argument,
it just seems that I’ve got an above average of people, around me, that decide to go ahead and not live anymore. Now, I know i just opened myself to some “clever” remark, but I don’t really care.
Joe’s right. It takes time - also reflection. When my grandmother died I felt the same way as your description - I didn’t know how to feel or what I was feeling. Just last summer a close friend died due to an allergic reaction to a medication he was prescribed. Again, I didn’t know how to feel. One way or another it will come out of you. Better earlier than later, I think. But you can’t force these things. Just don’t force it down and lock it up (granted, I’m fairly certain I’ve said the opposite before, jokingly).
Good friends will help.
Edit:
September of 08, my best friend got into a motorcycle accident and as a result, lost his arm and has been in rehabilitation since. He’s just now getting back on his feet. It was like he died. Like everyone around me is dying. Don’t think like that, it’ll drive you mad.
Enjoy the time you have/had with the good people in your life.
Accepting the fact that what’s happened has happened and time. My brother committed suicide about five years ago. He was a brilliant guy, close to genius levels I guess, but somewhat mentally unstable. Suicide is a stupid fucking thing to do, and a coward’s way out of shit you think you just can’t handle.
However the way he made it however was very clear in making everyone see that it was never about attention, he just wanted out. Strangely that was the single biggest thing that made it easier for me to accept it. It was still a stupid ass decision and I’d kick his ass for it if I could, but the statement was so underlined you just cannot ignore it. (He hung, well, more like blood chocked himself in a position where his knees almost touched the ground) So, even though it’s about the most cowardly thing you can do there was still an insane amount of determination and a weird variety of bravery involved in the act itself.
The best way I could was just accepting his decision and grokking the fact that it was not my fault (everybody blame themselves one way or another). And time.
[quote=3moose1;2157994]I understand people die, and i understand the death makes life worth living argument,
it just seems that I’ve got an above average of people, around me, that decide to go ahead and not live anymore. Now, I know i just opened myself to some “clever” remark, but I don’t really care.[/quote]
There probably isn’t anyway to test that, but what would it matter? What matters is that you feel this way.
NO reaction to death is “wrong”. You need to be aware of what you might be feeling, and make note of when things might get out of control for you. It’s good if you have someone to talk to – I am always here, PM and I’ll send you a phone number and a time to call, if you need it – but remember that your friends and family are not professionals. Don’t expect then to be able to fix anything for you. They can listen, that’s all. Sometimes that’s all you need.
Do not judge yourself for mourning in anyway you manage it.
From what you’re saying, I think you are in a pretty unusual situation. You might want to see if there is professional help available, through your work or school.
Well, I kind of get where you’re coming from. When I was 18 a few friends and I went swimming at a beach, and we got caught by riptide. I was the only one that survived. I can tell you that time is the only thing that makes it somewhat better.
the way i got through it was by constantly reminding myself that just because their life was over, didn’t mean mine had to be over as well. in fact, they would be pissed if i didn’t keep pushing on.
the pain doesn’t stop. it gets easier. you start to get a bit numb to it. some days are as difficult as the day it happened, but you keep pushing on.
when one of my closest friends died in a car wreck, i still keep her picture in my wallet after 8 years, i dedicated myself to doing the most community service work anybody had ever seen on my campus. i spent 2 weeks in DC after the funeral. i was just detoxing from the grief. then i came home and went apeshit with working for habitat for humanity, cleaning up tornado damage, tutoring underprivileged kids, anything that i could do to make the world more like what lydia would have wanted it to be.
now 8 years later, i still think about her all the time. i still miss her more than i can express here. but, i try my best to let the memories of her motivate me, not handicap me with grief.
nobody worth knowing, alive or dead, wants to be a burden on another person.
if you want, pm me. i’ll give you my number and you can call me whenever you need.
the biggest thing is, find somebody to talk to. don’t bottle it up and try to tough it out. it wont work.
Thats the worst thing I’m worried about. I always bottle things up. I’m really good at compartmentalizing things, I get business done, then worry about things later.
Sometimes I don’t worry about things later, I just don’t think or feel anything about it.
Sometimes it really hits me. Today I met with her family, to explain what happened. I had to struggle to fake emotions, because i really wasn’t feeling anything.
Then i saw some boards they made for her funeral/viewing, and I almost cried. I probably will cry tomorrow at the viewing, which I would have skipped, but was expressly asked to attend by her parents.
sometimes you have to compartmentalize grief. sometimes a job needs to be done right then and you’re the only person to do it. then there is no time to grieve.
but it must be done. you cant compartmentalize forever.
you’ve got a lot of friends on and off this board. you’ve got a lot of open invites to talk. use one of them at least.
you’re a good guy moose. we all like you around here. let us help you through this. if not us, let somebody help you.
It allows skinny, metrosexual cockbags to posture and sound like real bad asses!
See, here is where I ask if you’d like to fight, and then immediately after is where you’d decline, citing reasons such as, “don’t train” or, “don’t like to fight” or, “not going to take the internet that seriously”
Dude, you just pretended to challenge me to a fight and then acted like a mighty victor after you refused it for me. What?
I’m sorry about your friend but you’re a fag for putting this thread in LLL. And you know what? I think you put it here only because it’s a less hostile environment to you than Sociocide.
And don’t think the rest of you aren’t fagosexuals for lining up to give Moose hugs and chocolate instead of telling him to take his blubbering vagina to a forum not dedicated to Jack and blow.
[quote=MEGA JESUS-SAMA;2158018]Dude, you just pretended to challenge me to a fight and then acted like a mighty victor after you refused it for me. What?
I’m sorry about your friend but you’re a fag for putting this thread in LLL. And you know what? I think you put it here only because it’s a less hostile environment to you than Sociocide.
And don’t think the rest of you aren’t fagosexuals for lining up to give Moose hugs and chocolate instead of telling him to take his blubbering vagina to a forum not dedicated to Jack and blow.[/quote]
I don’t post much on sociocide, I thought off topic type thread, and LLL came to mind.
Hostile or not? I don’t care. This thread isn’t about hugs and chocolates for me, I was curious how other people deal with the things i’m going through right now.
However, if you’d like to fight, I’m all game. However, it wouldn’t be able to happen for a few months.
Don’t. If it reeeeeeeallllly bothers you go see a counselor. This doesn’t help. I used to do this when I was about your age I stopped when I tried to hurt someone really bad on the Day of my Gramps funeral.
Plenty of people here don’t post enough on Sociocide but that doesn’t excuse them making threads about dead friends, dead pitchmen, or other off topic crap that doesn’t belong in this forum. That’s only half the point though, because I really do think you decided to stick to BS because every time you post on Sociocide someone tells you to shut the hell up.
However, if you’d like to fight, I’m all game. However, it wouldn’t be able to happen for a few months.
This is a discussion forum. Challenging someone to a fight here is about as decorous as headbutting someone inside Parliament. How about you learn to verbalize like a goddamn adult instead of just threatening to beat up anyone that pisses you off?
[quote=3moose1;2158020]I don’t post much on sociocide, I thought off topic type thread, and LLL came to mind.
Hostile or not? I don’t care. This thread isn’t about hugs and chocolates for me, I was curious how other people deal with the things i’m going through right now.
However, if you’d like to fight, I’m all game. However, it wouldn’t be able to happen for a few months.[/quote]
all valley karate tournament, december 19th.
now, can this derail get culled into trollshido plz?
Everytime I post here, someone tells me to shut the hell up. I don’t care, dude. OH NOES I POSTED THIS IN THA WRONG FORUM, OH NOES LETS HAVE A FUCKING HEART ATTACK ABOUT IT.
[quote=MEGA JESUS-SAMA;2158023]
This is a discussion forum. Challenging someone to a fight here is about as decorous as headbutting someone inside Parliament. How about you learn to verbalize like a goddamn adult instead of just threatening to beat up anyone that pisses you off?[/quote]
Verbalize like an adult? I’m more then capable of taking place in a respectful, worthwhile discussion. What I am not capable of, however, is sitting back and watching some metrosexual pizza delivery boy with borderline anorexia yips at his monitor with witty comments. Witty comments that I KNOW would not be said, had this conversation been face to face.