Crazy girl break ups: She'll make her dog eat you

Reviews, Videos, and Everything Else The Finer Things
1

Yes you read correctly.

No not me, but a friend of mine. We were walking to class and he tells me he broke up with his first SERIOUS relationship. It was a little bit more then 7 months before he broke it off with her and basically they acted like they were married (in the cute way, not in the miserable way like the rest of you old farts).

He met up with her yesterday, they talked at his house, he broke the news, and… she slugged him. Twice. He has a small cut on the outside of his lower lip but the inside is kinda fucked up. She missed the second time, crying ensued, he felt bad, he kept calm and collected and walked her home.

They get to her house (note: her mom really likes him and she understands that her daughter is off her fucking rocker) and he chats with her mother really quickly. The ex is in the kitchen while they speak.

Now she has this MASSIVE fucking pitbull. It’s about 100 lb’s and she always kept it away from him when he came over. This time it " somehow" go out… yeah. Anyway this giant fucker sees my friend, pounces him, starts growling loud and sniffing him while he just lays there still as fuck hoping the dog doesn’t bite his balls off. After the chick’s mom pulls the dog off her daughter comes out of the kitchen with a cup of chicken fat/blood (the drippy stuff from inside a chicken package thing) and spills it all over him.

The dog smells it, starts to come toward my friend and he DARTS to the bathroom and is stuck there while this girl and mother argue/wrestle because one is trying to get the dog into another room and the other just isn’t having that until my boy steps out.

Basically after 10 min’s the dog is gone, the girl is crying, her mom is just freaked and my friend walks home in 30 weather wet and smelling like a fucking McChiken burger the whole way back to his house.

Now you maybe asking: WHY IS THIS BIATCH SO CRAYZAY SIFU PIMP MASTER SQUIRELL!?!?!?!?!?!?

Daddy issues. Her dad treated her mom like garbage, never talked to her like she was his daughter, never kept promises, and etc…

Moral of the story: Before you start dating a woman, ask her about her dad. Her physci (stereotypically I know, but it basically ALWAYS HAPPENS) will either make her comfortable around men cuz she was/is in good terms with her father or make her paranoid as fuck about all men and their intentions (whether or not this will mean you get action varies, sometimes it’s a total no-no until you’re about to marry her and sometimes she would let you do A2M with her in the first week or something, it’s strange).

At least ask her if she has a dog or any other large animals.

2

No joke, that actually makes sense, the whole asking about their dad thing.

Remember stupid, slutty chick from december? God, that bitch was an INCREDIBLE kisser, jesus christ. She had the type of lips that you would die to get dome from, you know? She was hot, pretty easy, and completely into me.

Then, we were hanging out, her mom said something about her dad, and she FREAKED the fuck out, cursing, screaming, etc. I was like, wow. Ok.

We fool around some more.

Eventually her daddy issues plus stupidity became too much, and i said, Adios.

Fuck, man, one time i said, “oh, i’ve got to drive out to Farmington in an hour”

“why!?”

“…Judo?”

“oh…My dad lives in farmington. He’s such a fucking asshole, i fucking hate him, oh my fucking god i hope he dies”

“…uh, Ok babe, I gotta go…”

3

Yeah, but tell me those girls dont fuck better though.

4

So, uh, guys, what type of crayons do you like?
Those wax ones? huh? Pretty colours?
Good job. Wow. Whooooo!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you guys were posting in DHS giving advice to seasoned, experienced grapplers, you’d be expected to know something about grappling. And you’d be expected to be able to back that knowledge up.

So, when the Squirrel starts giving deep, insightful relationship advice, I imagine he’s able to back that up with… what… a few good, long-term relationships that were successful? No? Okay.
The daddy issues thing? Your degree in psychology? Your counseling qualification?
Ok, what about your vast life experience?

HOLY SHIT!!! Awesome.

this is my favourite bit:

Moral of the story: Before you start dating a woman, ask her about her dad. Her physci (stereotypically I know, but it basically ALWAYS HAPPENS) will either make her comfortable around men cuz she was/is in good terms with her father or make her paranoid as fuck about all men and their intentions (whether or not this will mean you get action varies, sometimes it’s a total no-no until you’re about to marry her and sometimes she would let you do A2M with her in the first week or something, it’s strange).

1] A physci? What? Is that a Pokemon? UHHHHHHHHH.
2] People are different. You’ve just written off every woman in the world who didn’t have a perfect father/relationship with her father.
This makes you very unworldly or very dumb.

Moose. Don’t date for 10 years. You’re doing no good here. Seriously.

5

Are you actually saying all girls with an absent father are messed up?

Cause i’ve dated many girls, and i’ve had non messed up girls who had no father, and girls who had a perfectly loving father who were messed up.

Do you realise how much of the population of the world doesn’t have a great relationship with their father?

(and how much of the population of the world DO, but are still crazy ass mother fuckers anyway)

Also, you should seriously tell your friend to report her to the police. That is some serious assault right there.

6

Let an old man break it down simple for you youngsters. Happiness lies in bringing the correct approach to each situation.

“So what does your dad do/are your parents still together/other leading question”

Good answer->Home phone number.
Bad Answer->Disposable cell number.

7

I will try and up the awesome in this thread, shouldn’t be hard, however by the end I expect at least one ‘URPUSY’ comment.

This is long, bear with me:

I had a girl, my first real girlfriend…dated for like a year, break-up with me like 5 times over a weekend. I had dated a couple of other girls before, for a few weeks to a few months, but this was my first serious relationship.

Finally, I found my balls and said, “Fuck this, enough is enough.” A couple of my boys and I decide to go to Las Vegas for the weekend. We see that Sam Kinison (begin old jokes) was playing at a Comedy Club in Las Vegas and we bust out our finest fake IDs (I was 18 at the time) and go to see him.

One of my buddies doesn’t understand the concept of the Maitre’D, and gives the guy who is leading us to our table $20, thinking that is the cover. Maitre’D replies “Nevada State Law states anything given to me is considered a tip and is non-refundable.”

My buddy, who is 6’5" and 250 tells him, “I guess we are going down front.”

Kinison comes out and is killing and he used to end his show with a bit about women being heartbreaking whores and get a guy to give up the women’s phone number and call her:

YouTube - Sam Kinison

So he’s going around, gets to me, since I am in the front and asks, “WHAT WAS HER NAME AND WHAT DID SHE DO?”

“I dunno, man…-X- and she broke up with me 5 times in 2 days.”

'OOOOHHHH THAT GODDAMN FUCKING WHORE. YOU DATE PSYCHOS MUCH??? SHIT MAN, FIVE FUCKING TIMES???"

“…”

“GIVE ME HER FUCKING PHONE NUMBER. GIVE ME HER FUCKING PHONE NUMBER!! ARRGGGGHHHH!!!”

“…dude…I can’t”

“OOOOOHHHH GODDAMMMMITTTT FUCKER. PUSSY! GIMME IT. FUCKING GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT FUCKING NOW YOU FUCKING FAGGOT.”

“…dude…” I was getting really uncomfortable. Everyone in the club was screaming at me, my buddies included, DO IT, “…dude, I can’t.”

“OOOHHH YOU FUCKING PUSSY…wah, I still love her Sam, I still love her and we are going to get back together…YOU FUCKING SICKEN ME YOU FAGGOT…LOOK,” he points to some guy at the next table over who is just fucking foaming at the mouth in a rage screaming DOOO ITTTTT with a reddend face, bulging eyes and veins popped out of his neck, “LOOK AT HIM. LOOK AT HIM. THAT’S A REAL MAN RIGHT THERE. GET THIS PUSSY FUCKING FAGGOT OUT OF HERE.”

The whole club just collectively let out a giant “groan” started catcalling me
with every version of pussy and faggot you could think of. He moved onto the other guy, the REAL MAN, who gave up the number, Kinison called her and did his bit. The place went nuts and that was the end of the show.

My buddies gave me unstoppable shit for the rest of the weekend and for a few days later. Wednesday, after we got back, my ex-called me and gave me a rash of shit claiming:

“I had Sam Kinison call her mother and curse at her and then hang up on her.”

8

[quote=sochin101;2078924]So, uh, guys, what type of crayons do you like?
Those wax ones? huh? Pretty colours?
Good job. Wow. Whooooo!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you guys were posting in DHS giving advice to seasoned, experienced grapplers, you’d be expected to know something about grappling. And you’d be expected to be able to back that knowledge up.

So, when the Squirrel starts giving deep, insightful relationship advice, I imagine he’s able to back that up with… what… a few good, long-term relationships that were successful? No? Okay.
The daddy issues thing? Your degree in psychology? Your counseling qualification?
Ok, what about your vast life experience?

HOLY SHIT!!! Awesome.

this is my favourite bit:

1] A physci? What? Is that a Pokemon? UHHHHHHHHH.
2] People are different. You’ve just written off every woman in the world who didn’t have a perfect father/relationship with her father.
This makes you very unworldly or very dumb.

Moose. Don’t date for 10 years. You’re doing no good here. Seriously.[/quote]

…I sense some mother fuckin’ issues in this post. Its ok, Sochin, let it all out.

---------- Post added at 03:30 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:29 PM ----------

[quote=Snake Plissken;2078946]I will try and up the awesome in this thread, shouldn’t be hard, however by the end I expect at least one ‘URPUSY’ comment.

This is long, bear with me:

I had a girl, my first real girlfriend…dated for like a year, break-up with me like 5 times over a weekend. I had dated a couple of other girls before, for a few weeks to a few months, but this was my first serious relationship.

Finally, I found my balls and said, “Fuck this, enough is enough.” A couple of my boys and I decide to go to Las Vegas for the weekend. We see that Sam Kinison (begin old jokes) was playing at a Comedy Club in Las Vegas and we bust out our finest fake IDs (I was 18 at the time) and go to see him.

One of my buddies doesn’t understand the concept of the Maitre’D, and gives the guy who is leading us to our table $20, thinking that is the cover. Maitre’D replies “Nevada State Law states anything given to me is considered a tip and is non-refundable.”

My buddy, who is 6’5" and 250 tells him, “I guess we are going down front.”

Kinison comes out and is killing and he used to end his show with a bit about women being heartbreaking whores and get a guy to give up the women’s phone number and call her:

YouTube - Sam Kinison

So he’s going around, gets to me, since I am in the front and asks, “WHAT WAS HER NAME AND WHAT DID SHE DO?”

“I dunno, man…-X- and she broke up with me 5 times in 2 days.”

'OOOOHHHH THAT GODDAMN FUCKING WHORE. YOU DATE PSYCHOS MUCH??? SHIT MAN, FIVE FUCKING TIMES???"

“…”

“GIVE ME HER FUCKING PHONE NUMBER. GIVE ME HER FUCKING PHONE NUMBER!! ARRGGGGHHHH!!!”

“…dude…I can’t”

“OOOOOHHHH GODDAMMMMITTTT FUCKER. PUSSY! GIMME IT. FUCKING GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT FUCKING NOW YOU FUCKING FAGGOT.”

“…dude…” I was getting really uncomfortable. Everyone in the club was screaming at me, my buddies included, DO IT, “…dude, I can’t.”

“OOOHHH YOU FUCKING PUSSY…wah, I still love her Sam, I still love her and we are going to get back together…YOU FUCKING SICKEN ME YOU FAGGOT…LOOK,” he points to some guy at the next table over who is just fucking foaming at the mouth in a rage screaming DOOO ITTTTT with a reddend face, bulging eyes and veins popped out of his neck, “LOOK AT HIM. LOOK AT HIM. THAT’S A REAL MAN RIGHT THERE. GET THIS PUSSY FUCKING FAGGOT OUT OF HERE.”

The whole club just collectively let out a giant “groan” started catcalling me
with every version of pussy and faggot you could think of. He moved onto the other guy, the REAL MAN, who gave up the number, Kinison called her and did his bit. The place went nuts and that was the end of the show.

My buddies gave me unstoppable shit for the rest of the weekend and for a few days later. Wednesday, after we got back, my ex-called me and gave me a rash of shit claiming:

“I had Sam Kinison call her mother and curse at her and then hang up on her.”[/quote]

That was actually pretty enjoyable to read. Don’t feel bad, i wouldn’t have given up her number either.

You can tell you’re old, though. You had a fake ID? Seriously!? Damn. Those bitches are nigh impossible to fake now, and i’ve tried.

Only because my best friend is turning 18, and he wanted to go to a strip joint, but i don’t turn 18 till july : /

9

[quote=3moose1;2078950]…I sense some mother fuckin’ issues in this post. Its ok, Sochin, let it all out.
[/quote]
uh uh uh… you got me…

I’m gonna try and make you understand things moosey… let’s try analogy first:
Taking relationship advice from fellow dysfunctional dipshits is like learning grappling from DTT.

Did that go in? Did you get it? Can you see the light? OR SHOULD I USE PICTURES AND PUPPETS?

And for reference - just because you agree with something, it doesn’t mean it is right. Even if it lets you ignore your obvious social short-comings and excuse your chuckle-headed limping from one screw-up to another.
Step back, man.
Maybe it’s you.

10

[quote=sochin101;2078979]uh uh uh… you got me…

I’m gonna try and make you understand things moosey… let’s try analogy first:
Taking relationship advice from fellow dysfunctional dipshits is like learning grappling from DTT.

Did that go in? Did you get it? Can you see the light? OR SHOULD I USE PICTURES AND PUPPETS?

And for reference - just because you agree with something, it doesn’t mean it is right. Even if it lets you ignore your obvious social short-comings and excuse your chuckle-headed limping from one screw-up to another.
Step back, man.
Maybe it’s you.[/quote]

Ah, so you’re saying chicks with daddy issues are 100% ok to date, with no issues that would effect the relationship at all?

Because what i agreed with is that chicks with Daddy issues…have issues. Issues that would sabotage a relationship. Am i saying this is the rule? Sure, but there are ALWAYS exceptions to it.

Am i saying chicks with normal dads are sane? No.

I’m not even sure what we’re arguing about, sir.

11

[quote=sochin101;2078979]uh uh uh… you got me…

I’m gonna try and make you understand things moosey… let’s try analogy first:
Taking relationship advice from fellow dysfunctional dipshits is like learning grappling from DTT.

Did that go in? Did you get it? Can you see the light? OR SHOULD I USE PICTURES AND PUPPETS?

And for reference - just because you agree with something, it doesn’t mean it is right. Even if it lets you ignore your obvious social short-comings and excuse your chuckle-headed limping from one screw-up to another.
Step back, man.
Maybe it’s you.[/quote]

If DTT tells you that being mounted kinda sucks, he’s not wrong just because he’s a chunner. Of course this shit is all stereotypical, and not every girl who has a bad relationship with her dad is going to turn into a bipolar nightmare bitch. And not every girl who has a good relationship with her dad is going to be sane (although that one is closer to true). Hell, the happyoldlady had nine and a half yards of wet mess for a father, and she is just about the most well adjusted person I’ve known in my life. But guess what. Her other family members…not so much.

But this isn’t about bringing “the truth” it’s about bringing “the funny.”

and it’s funny cause it’s true.

12

And Moose, I was an arsehole at 17. And 18. Shit, I had my moments through 19, too.
I don’t have all the answers, but I can tell you that blaming everything on “daddy issues” is just a smokescreen.
A comfort lie.
It’s the elbow to the spine as a takedown defence.

---------- Post added at 08:12 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:07 PM ----------

[quote=3moose1;2078984]Ah, so you’re saying chicks with daddy issues are 100% ok to date, with no issues that would effect the relationship at all?

Because what i agreed with is that chicks with Daddy issues…have issues. Issues that would sabotage a relationship. Am i saying this is the rule? Sure, but there are ALWAYS exceptions to it.

Am i saying chicks with normal dads are sane? No.

I’m not even sure what we’re arguing about, sir.[/quote]moose, moose, don’t be obtuse…

I’m saying that chicks with daddy issues are as individual as their fathers.
You aren’t dating their fathers, are you? That’s rhetorical.
There’s no rule. There’s no absolute. There’s just treating everyone like they’re a human and not some half-arsed walking cliche.

---------- Post added at 08:29 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:12 PM ----------

Also, for the sake of balance, I would like to point out I’m posting on the internet, alone, on a Friday night.

13

Couldn’t bear watching it an eighth time, huh?

14

Don’t break up at your house, how are you going to make a quick exit?

15

Eh, while your friends gf is psycho I don’t think you should generalize all girls with “daddy issues” as ticking time bombs of destruction. Look at it this way: People don’t choose who their folks are, some have great supportive parents while others have assholes. Likewise, some people let these family issues shape their personalities and gives them a plethora of exciting eccentricities, while others just shrug and say “that’s life” and move on.

Age, self esteem, adaptability and maturity level have a lot to do with developing the latter IMO.

Consider a troubled childhood or parental mishaps as a POSSIBLE red flag that MAY indicate relationship issues. I think a bigger indication may be how the subject comes up and the persons response. If you’re talking about family life and she mentions something was amiss then moves on after giving a rundown: good. If while discussing what flavor of ice cream to buy she bursts into tears and starts screaming at you not to leave her like her father did: bad.

16

Unless you’re mounted by one of those girls with the daddy issues. They always seem to work that much harder :wink:

[quote=sochin101;2078990] There’s just treating everyone like they’re a human and not some half-arsed walking cliche.

Also, for the sake of balance, I would like to point out I’m posting on the internet, alone, on a Friday night.[/quote]

/sigh. I think thats my problem. I don’t see most people i meet as people. No, that makes me sound like a future serial killer.

Its just, i meet tons of people, and i always seem to focus on their imperfections, which, in Detroit, Michigan, is many. I spend alot of time on the internet, because i feel it lets me get to know people better, and actually open up and talk about shit. I don’t really trust many people that i meet, face to face.

Its friday night there? Damn. Its friday afternoon here. And yeah, i’ll be post on the internet. Alone, on a friday night as well.

/hug?

17

Alright well Moose knows wtf I’m talking about.

Snake is hysterical and all knowing.

And Sochin still loves the cock.

Anyway let’s see how long it takes Sochin to come up with another post to boost his ego… and miss the fact this thread was created to retell shenanigans…

18

[quote=3moose1;2079045]Its just, i meet tons of people, and i always seem to focus on their imperfections, which, in Detroit, Michigan, is many. I spend alot of time on the internet, because i feel it lets me get to know people better, and actually open up and talk about shit. I don’t really trust many people that i meet, face to face.[/quote]You don’t trust people you meet face to face, and you need to talk to them on the internet to really be able to open up?

And you think girl’s who’s fathers aren’t around are the ones with the problems?

19

[quote=Squerlli;2079059].

And Sochin still loves the cock.

Anyway let’s see how long it takes Sochin to come up with another post to boost his ego… and miss the fact this thread was created to retell shenanigans…[/quote]
The dog story was a hoot. I feel for your friend. The girl clearly has issues. Clearly. But those are issues that are individual to her, and shouldn’t be explained away as the same daddy issues as a girl who self-harms, or a girl that puts out after 26 minutes, or a girl that…

I’ll take being accused of loving cock over being you, dumbass.

20

[quote=sochin101;2079074]The dog story was a hoot. I feel for your friend. The girl clearly has issues. Clearly. But those are issues that are individual to her, and shouldn’t be explained away as the same daddy issues as a girl who self-harms, or a girl that puts out after 26 minutes, or a girl that…

I’ll take being accused of loving cock over being you, dumbass.[/quote]

Hey.

He called me all knowing.

Be nice.