Book of Skippy 1: Revalation 2
And I heard the sounds of thunder.
As I gazed upon my laptop, and I heard a moderated voice,
COME AND SEE.
And I gazed upon the screen, and behold, a pale white troll.
The first troll came upon me, and posteth of Ninjutsu, and non compliant drills.
COME AND SEE said the Skippy, and I saw.
He posteth without markings
He posteth without periods
He posteth without paragraphs
And upon his text, not a single coherent word.
And upon him, a head of the pussy, with a thinly veiled beard of doritos crumbs, and muffin top of glorious complacency.
Upon his head was the crown of Ashida, and his voice, was the voice of Woody Allen.
Be not afraid, said the Skippy.
He hath not the powers over thee, for thou art with ME.
And I was not afraid.
I walked on, the glory of the Skippy upon mine tread, and was not afeared whence upon me came a second troll.
COME AND SEE said the Skippy, and I saw.
And his face was the face of the Downey.
And he called me a liar, mocker, and false assumer.
But said the Skippy, fear not the troll, for his DVD sifu can not harm thee,
and his Dim Mak be not upon thee, for thine faith is in the Skippy, and the Skippy is with thee.
And I walked on, as I was not afraid, as the downey nipped at mine ankles, and offered mountains of evidence of his magical mountain sifu of whom he spake not.
Upon the Downey was the crown of butthole, and upon his mantis fist was a giant steel dildo.
His voice was the voice of the Smeagol, for his precious was verily lost.
And henceforth, I walked on, as I was not afraid.
Upon the third troll I came, and his head was the head of Comrade Ryabin.
COME AND SEE said the Skippy, and I saw.
The devious one hath a bottle of spirit most foul
And his cheeks were most red, his breath dissolveth most known metals.
And upon his other hand, an offered cup of cool aid.
Partake not of this offered cup, sayeth the Skippy,
For the cup is not of truth and not of the Skippy.
Raged the troll upon hearing HIS most holy word,
And floppy psychic power attempted he, to fling at I,
and yet, I was not afeared, for the Skippy was with me,
and the drunken one’s flopping was uncoordinated.
His military camo came apart at the seams,
And fell the troll where he stood, too drunk and winded from his flailing.
Upon the fourth and final troll I came, and here I stopped in wonder, for the face of the troll was that of my own.
COME AND SEE said the Skippy, and I saw.
And lo, saw I my own reflection, and I wept.
HERE IS WHAT YOU WILL BECOME, said the Skippy,
if you do not walk with the Skippy, said HE.
If ye hath no faith in the Skippy, and hath ye not grammar most proper,
spell check most sacred, sentence structure and paragraph most clear, and solid grasp of the English language, upon this dark pit thou will stumble.
And thou will walk in darkness for all the days of thine life.
And upon my knees I fell, and wept.
Forsake me not, cried I.
And the trolls crieth most loudly with me, for their dark fate was sealed with banhammers most foul and permanent.
And upon this fiery inferno I gazed, and the Skippy came unto me.
THOU SALVATION IS UPON THEE, sayeth he.
Follow me, and thou shall for all time be pure and untainted by corruption of the troll most foul.
The foul troll Douchegar hath sway over thee no more,
and HE WHO ROOTS OUT THE FAKES shall not thine original postings find,
and use them against thee.
So spake HE, most beneficent one, and he blessed me with varrot most holy.
