Bad roommate stories

Reviews, Videos, and Everything Else The Finer Things
1

So this summer, I’m taking classes, doing research, and working a pretty kickass internship. I managed to get the school to pay for my summer housing, so I get to live in a relatively nice dorm for free. Unfortunately, I have a roommate, who is unknowlingly contributing to this thread.

I hate living with this guy. He’s mildly autistic, has a funk, plays video poker until 4am every night, has a constant plumber’s-crack, listens to shitty shitty pop music (Coldplay, etc), and sings along about 1/2 a note flat. I have never seen him do anything other than play video poker or sleep; sometimes I wake up at night to a rhythmic thumping noise, but until now I’ve had the presence of mind to keep my eyes shut so I haven’t actually seen that. I started sleeping with earplugs in and one of those eyemasks on and he still fucking wakes me up somehow. He also eats really loudly, and since I have this neurotic thing about people chewing with their mouths open I literally have to leave the room whenever he eats dinner.

The weirdest thing happened the other day. I was sitting at my computer, minding my own business, and he comes up behind me, clears his throat, and utters the following phrase:

“Uuuuuuum, could you help me lift my girlfriend from her wheelchair?..And then, get lost for a few hours?”

I then had to deadlift his invalid girlfriend (REALLY invalid, I think she’s paralyzed from the shoulders down) onto his bed. I immediately left the room for about 10 hours, trying not to think about the unholy union that was taking place about 6 feet from my bed.

I may update this thread with pictures of this kid, or a recording of him singing (it’s REALLY funny). In the meantime, PYF jerkass roommate!

2

Sucks for you dude. You probably have my story beat, but here it is anyway.

When I was stationed in Pensacola I had a bad suite-mate (we had to share a bathroom but had different rooms. I still had a roommate, but not this guy). His name was Andy, and that was his last name. So, he always left a mess in the head; clothes on the floor and splashed-up shit all over the toilet. His shits smelled so awful that we would have to leave the room for a while to avoid the stench.

One day I went in the head, and, to my horror, saw his tighty-whiteys laying in the middle of the floor (we were in the military, so I knew they were his by the big-ass stamp that read “Andy”) with a thick layer of half-dried creamy shit encrusted all over the crotch and back of them. Parts of it had a wet sheen and the other parts looked a little like a dried-up lake-bed. I almost puked and ran back into my room to tell my roommate. He went in the bathroom, picked them up, went into Andy’s room, pulled down his sheets, and threw the shitty underpants under them. He then made the bed back up and we left.

A few hours later Andy stormed into our room, fucking fuming, and demanded to know who did it. My roommate mockingly confessed and Andy got up in his face saying he was going to kick his ass and all that shit. My roommate responded by grabbing Andy in a one-handed strangle hold and throwing him on the bed, not letting go of the choke. He almost passed out before I could convince my roommate to let go. Andy scurried out of the room, and I very rarely had any more contact with him from that point on. He never left shitty underpants on the floor after that though.

3

oh, what the fuck? god that sucks.

well, my freshman year, (2 years ago), my roommate finished 2/3 of a fifth before WILD (bi-annual school concert, lil jon came that night) and threw up in my trashcan by my bed before going to it. i came back 3 hours later, realized i was living in a single, and that i was the one who threw up in the trashcan.

4

I won’t even get started on suitemates; one of the guys in the suite shaves some part of his body (he’s Arab, so it’s all black and really curly, so I can’t tell what body-part it came off of) in the shower sometimes. I have to stand outside the shower and guide the showerhead in a circle to clean off enough of the floor to stand in. Actually, this is a recurring problem with Arab exchange students since most of them are from very wealthy families (I had a prince from some country in a chemistry class, I shit you not) and thus many are spoiled, self-entitled little shits.

That guy moved out though; the one who moved in after him watches a lot of Aqua Teen and I always smell smoke coming from his room, so I may invite him over for a party.

5

all throughout my teen years… there was this girl who lived with me on and off. we were (and still are) best friends… so… i let alot of her shit slide. bitch is dirty. i’d have to list what she did because if i broke it into paragraphs… i’d be ranting and my paragraphs would be WAAY too long:

  1. she left her clothes on the floor
  2. never put her plates in the sink
  3. ALWAYS used my high end hair and bath stuff
  4. ALWAYS used my high end face stuff
  5. never replaced or closed the caps to 4 and 5
  6. she’d leave stuff in the drier
  7. worse than 6, she’d leave stuff in the washer until it smelled like moldy bread
  8. she was a bath whore and ALWAYS left oil rings in the tub and hair in the drain.
  9. whenever she’d run out of deodorant, she’d use mine and i wouldn’t find out until the next morning when i smell her funk on my deodorant stick… leaving me to run to the store to buy a new stick.
  10. whenever i was in the shower when she had to use it, she’d just hop in with me… but then COMPLETELY HOG the stream.
  11. during 10, she’d use my razor AFTER rubbing body oil on herself so she’d not only leave pubic hairs in my razors… she’d leave GREASY pubic hairs in my razors.
  12. she’d use my towels and then leave them on the floor.
  13. one time, we went to a club together and got piss drunk. she shit herself when she was puking in the bathroom. since my skirt was an inch longer than hers, i let her have my panties. she took this to mean that she could wear my CUTEST underwear WHENEVER she wanted, as long as she returned them to my drawer (whether she washed them or not).
  14. 13 included my see through ones with the snap crotches which i use ONLY for when i want to get fucked hard.
  15. she’d borrow my CDs… and let her other friends borrow them, because we lived together; they’d just bring it back to our home rolling eyes
  16. she never wrapped up anything having to do with menstruation that had to go in the trash can
  17. she would forget to remove the last tampon from her grizzled snatch… and bacteria would build up to where YOU KNEW she was on her period by sitting next to her.
  18. my hair is naturally jet black, which she wanted to copy. so when i’d sleep… she’d cut a strand of my hair to take to the salon with her… EVERY TIME she wanted to get a color job (that’s every 3 months, which isn’t too often… but still…)
  19. i caught her using my little 2 inch vibrating bullet, watching my porn. this did not turn me on. in fact… i kicked the ever loving shit out of her for doing that… because i had to throw BOB away.
    and finally 20) after 19 happened… i told her to take her ass to Condom Revolution in Huntington Beach and i’d help her find her own fuck toy to pleasure herself with. she refused… because she’s too embarrassed to go to a place like that. it’s BENEATH her. so… soon after than… i’m finding carrots, zucchinis, cucumbers, and baby eggplants all over the house… in the most random spots. under the couch or in the couch cushions, in the bath tub, in the closet, at the computer desk… and of all places… my bed.
6

You must have a crush on fes_fsa, don’t you? Go do some pushups or something.

All that and you remained friends with her? You’re much more forgiving than I am.

7

You just succedded in killing this thread, lady. None of the guys are going to have the stomach to post anything now.

I’m proud of you.

8

what can i say? she withstood the test of time.

i’m a VERY distant person. while i’m ALOT of fun to hang out with… for personal reasons… i can’t manage to hold on to a regular friend to hang out with for more than a year. yeah… i’ve got “friends” now… but if they moved away… or i ended up doing something that took up alot of my time… i wouldn’t make an effort to spend time with them.

this girl and i talk/hang out together maybe 5 days a year at the most.

because we’ve done that consistently for over a decade… we’re best friends.

9

nah. i’m only doing this because Izzy started the thread and i want him to notice me because i have a HUGE crush on him.

10

I would have been disappointed had she not posted something like this.

11

Well that’s certainly understandable. Computer nerds who can fight are sexy as hell (I’m sure J-Lau gets laid like no other).

I have horror stories that can beat yours, but they’re second-hand from high school (Illinois Math and Science has some stanky ass girls, believe me). The best one is about some girl who went crazy, locked herself in her room for 5 days, and after not sleeping for that long thought she was a dragon and was snarling and clawing at the people who removed her.

12

i’m not even gonna get into some of the shit my former roommate put me through. it’s some CRAZY shit. i mean… so fucked up that 12 years after the fact… people are still asking me about it.

13

One roommate of ours in college used to get drunk and smash beer bottles against the wall. We would confront him about this pretty consistently, but he’d never remember. After about the 10th time he did this, we decided to retaliate. He passed out, and we once again were left to clean glass up off the carpet. After cleaning up, we realized we had a roll of duct tape.

Now, duct tape as you well know can be used to solve any kind of problem. We wrapped him in duct tape from foot to head. Ran out of a couple rolls and had to get more. The poor guy never woke up through all of this. The next morning he was duly shocked. Even more so when we gagged him and went to class. He would scream, cry, and beg. We, however, were pissed.

After 3 full days of this, someone finally took pity on the poor guy and cut him loose, but not before we made him swear for about an hour and a half how he would never break beer bottles on our wall again.

The cure seemed to work.

14

3 days? HAHAHA awesome!

15

I just had lunch. I don’t even want to read any more of her posts.
I may have a candidate for the Ignore function for the first time since Djimbe.

16

dayum…

i knew i was good. but not THAT good.

17

When my roommate and I moved out of my apartment because I was joining the Army, my roommate left before I did, on a weekend I wasn’t there. I’d never had a problem with him. He always paid rent on time, we had kind of grown apart as friends, but we never had a problem hanging out with each other at the apartment. He was a little weird, in that he came and went at really late times of the night, but I really didn’t care, since I mostly spent the night at other people’s apartments at that point anyway (nothing personal, I was just enjoying my last few months of freedom). So when I came back to my place to move out, I found:

1.) He trashed the kitchen and poured rancid grease all over my dishes, pots, and pans.

2.) He left his room completely shithoused trashed.

3.) He left a purse in his bathroom. A purse full of wallets, driver’s licenses, credit cards, social security cards, and other things that did not belong to him. I found out later when cleaning out his storage room that “we” had acquired a gas grill, 5 sets of golf clubs, a full weight set, and numerous other things with other people’s names and addresses written on them.

You can draw your own conclusions from there.

18

So how much did you get for the stuff?

19

Hear hear!

20

I have had a flatmate who did smack, threw him out after he stole from me and bought drugs on tick bringing dealers to my door .

I had a room mate in the Army who used to cry in his sleep and shout “no daddy no” turned out he had been abused by his father and joined his father in abusing his younger sisters.