So this summer, I’m taking classes, doing research, and working a pretty kickass internship. I managed to get the school to pay for my summer housing, so I get to live in a relatively nice dorm for free. Unfortunately, I have a roommate, who is unknowlingly contributing to this thread.
I hate living with this guy. He’s mildly autistic, has a funk, plays video poker until 4am every night, has a constant plumber’s-crack, listens to shitty shitty pop music (Coldplay, etc), and sings along about 1/2 a note flat. I have never seen him do anything other than play video poker or sleep; sometimes I wake up at night to a rhythmic thumping noise, but until now I’ve had the presence of mind to keep my eyes shut so I haven’t actually seen that. I started sleeping with earplugs in and one of those eyemasks on and he still fucking wakes me up somehow. He also eats really loudly, and since I have this neurotic thing about people chewing with their mouths open I literally have to leave the room whenever he eats dinner.
The weirdest thing happened the other day. I was sitting at my computer, minding my own business, and he comes up behind me, clears his throat, and utters the following phrase:
“Uuuuuuum, could you help me lift my girlfriend from her wheelchair?..And then, get lost for a few hours?”
I then had to deadlift his invalid girlfriend (REALLY invalid, I think she’s paralyzed from the shoulders down) onto his bed. I immediately left the room for about 10 hours, trying not to think about the unholy union that was taking place about 6 feet from my bed.
I may update this thread with pictures of this kid, or a recording of him singing (it’s REALLY funny). In the meantime, PYF jerkass roommate!